CHOOSE ME

Ngayon lang kami nagkita ulit ni Grace mula ng ako'y nagkaroon ng girlfriend. Pero kahit bago pa nun, matagal na rin kaming walang balita sa isa't-isa.

Walang nagbago sa kanya. Maganda pa rin. Balingkinitan. Mapungay ang mga mata. Pulang mga labi. Bakas sa mukha ang lahing Kastilang kanyang pinagmulan.

Niyakap niya ako ng mahigpit, at hinalikan sa pisngi. Parang wala lang. Parang walang nangyari. Parang walang namagitan sa amin.

Naaalala ko ang lambot ng kanyang mga kamay tuwing hinahaplos niya ang aking mukha. Habang minamasahe niya ang aking likod. Naaalala ko lahat. Lahat lahat.

Yung gabing naiwan kaming dalawa sa kanyang bahay nang iniwan kami ng pamilya. Naaalala ko ang ilang minuto naming titigan. Ang mapaglaro niyang mga mata, habang kinakagat ang kanyang labi. Kung paano niya ako hinila papunta sa kanyang kwarto. Ang maiinit niyang mga halik. Sa aking labi. Sa leeg. Sa dibdib. Ang mainit na gabing aming pinagsaluhan.

Hindi pa yata ako tuluyang nakakalimot.

Pero may Cristina na ako.

Nakita ni Grace na lumungkot ang mukha ko. Nadama ba niya kung ano ang naramdaman ko?

Parang sagot sa tanong, binigyan niya ako ng malungkot na ngiti. Lumapit siya at hinaplos ang aking pisngi. Hinawakan ko ang kanyang kamay, at hinayaan itong mamalagi sa aking mukha ng ilan pang saglit.

"I heard about Cristina," simula niya.

"I'm sorry, Grace," ang tanging sagot ko.

"You could have waited." namumuo na ang mga luha sa kanyang mga mata.

"Hindi pwede eh," inilayo ko ang aking tingin. Di ko kayang nakikitang nasasaktan si Grace.

"Why can't you choose me?" tanong niya sa akin.

Tumalikod ako. Pilit tinatago ang lungkot. Pinipigilan ang panginginig sa aking boses.

"Dahil magpinsan tayo Grace. Alam mo yan."

BLOG LOVING

I was asked by a colleague who knows that I'm an active blogger if it is possible for a person to fall in love just reading the works of others here in the blogosphere. I think she wants to use this as a means for her to find true love.

I immediately said yes. It is possible. I remember about a couple of years ago, I wrote about my imperfections and there was someone brave enough to ask me out on a date. It turns out the reader found me interesting. But I did not reply. I'm suplado.

Let's face it, this world is full of really talented writers, creative poets, romantics and uber cheesy bloggers. At one point or another, you'll find him or her attractive. Maybe not physically. But intellectually you find yourself fascinated and interested in the person behind the written works.

I think I'm being idealistic. I have honestly never heard of a love story that came out of blogging. I've known of relationships that started through blogging. I don't know if any of them were successful. I know mine wasn't. But that's another story.

But it is possible to be attracted with just the writer's words. If you ask me, I could name a few people in the blogosphere (not just on my bloglist here) that I'm attracted to intellectually. I like the way they write. I love their wordplays. I'm at awe with their wit and I'm spellbound by their stories. It's sort of a crush on a different level.

I've only met one online crush personally, and other than exchanging comments here and there, we have no other means of communicating with each other.

Realistically speaking, I don't dwell too much on these crushes. I know most of the time, people who write under pseudonyms don't necessarily reflect what they really are in person. Sometimes a blog is just a way for a writer to become what he or she wants to be. When in real life they're far from what they say they are on their works.

This medium is still young. Alot has yet to happen. If history taught us one important lesson is that nothing really is impossible. If I was single, I'd probably pursue my online crushes. Although, that's not the main purpose of my putting up this home of mine. But if finding the one here is what is fated, then that's just the icing on the cake.

MY FAVORITE FICTION

Hinawi ni Laurie ang mahabang buhok niya. God, ang ganda ganda niya!

Magdadalawang oras na kami sa loob ng restaurant. Hindi nauubos ang kwentuhan. Tungkol sa trabaho niya. Mga kalokohan namin noong nag-aaral pa kami. Mga ex niya. Mga lakad ko sa ibang bansa.

Pinapanuod ko si Laurie habang sinusubo niya ang kanyang pagkain. Ang sexy. Nakakaturn-on. Nakakapag-init ng damdamin. Hindi ko pa nararanasan ang ganito, kahit unang date lang namin ngayon.

Ang pula ng mga labi ni Laurie. Mestiza. Nang-aakit ang mga mata. Makinis ang balat. Kahit sinong lalaki mahuhulog talaga sa kanya. Naisip ko ang swerte ko ngayong gabi at ako ang kasama niya.

Ako na isang simpleng lalake lamang. Hindi gwapo. Hindi maganda ang katawan. Buti na lang at malakas ang sense of humor ko. Hindi ako nahirapang magpapansin sa kanya.

"Thank you Franco, I really enjoyed this dinner." sabi ni Laurie.

Matatapos na ba ang gabi? Ayoko pa sana.

"No, thank YOU. I enjoyed your company," sabi ko.

Ngumiti lamang siya.

Gusto ko siya. Nahulog na yata ako sa kanya. Sa isip ko, kailangan kong maging totoo sa kanya. Ayoko na magsinungaling.

"Laurie..."

Nag-iisip ako kung sasabihin ko ba sa kanya. Kapag nalaman niya ang totoo maaaring hindi na siya makipagkita sa akin. Baka hindi ko matikman ang kanyang mga labi. Baka hindi ko na mahawakan ang maganda niyang katawan. Baka magalit siya sa akin.

"There's something I have to tell you..." umpisa ko.

Nagtatanong ang mga tingin ni Laurie. Nalilito. Pero ngumiti siya.

"Sige, Franco. Tell me." sabi niya.

Nanlamig ang aking katawan. Tatanggapin niya kaya ang sasabihin ko. Magagalit kaya siya.

Eto na.

"Laurie, I'm married..." bulong ko.

Nakita ko ang pagkagulat sa mga mata ni Laurie. Tumingin siya sa baba. Nagalit yata.

Muling hinawi ni Laurie ang kanyang buhok at tumingin sa akin.

"Trade secret?" sabi niya.

Nilapit ni Laurie ang mukha sa akin, at pinagdikit ang aming mga pisngi. Bumulong siya sa akin...

"Me too," sabay balik sa kanyang pinagkakaupuan.

Bigla akong napangiti.

**************

Wala pa ring maisulat these days. So eto ako at nagrerepost nanaman. Third this month.

Anyway, this is my favorite work of fiction. Medyo bad yung kwento. Pero ang smooth kasi ng daloy ng storya. So ayun.

Hope you enjoy. Or if you've read it before, enjoy it again.

NGITI

Ano ang nagpapangiti sa inyo? Sakin, ito...

1. BAKED ZITI NG SBARRO
Simula ng bumalik ako galing ng New Zealand eh sobrang laki ng tinaba ko. Kaya ngayon, bawal ang kanin, kumain ng marami at magpakabondat. So ibig sabihin nito, eh wala munang Sbarro. Pero kapag naiisip ko itong malinamnam na pagkain na ito... To hell with weight loss!!! Mmmmmm... sarap!!!

2. XBOX 360
Pipigilin ko ang sarili ko kasi baka isang mahabang post ang maisulat ko dito para lang sa xbox 360. Kung ngayon ka lang napadpad dito sa blog ko, maikwento ko lang ang maikling anecdote na ito. Simula Hulyo eh nasira yung console ko. Apat na buwan ang hinintay para lang magkaroon ng pera pampaayos lang nito, sabay malalaman ko na may shop sa Ortigas na nag-aayos nito sa halagang P1800, eh ang akala ko noon P6000 ang paayos nito. So ayun, ngayon adik nanaman ako!!! Anim na games nga pala ang binili ko kahapon!!!!

3. BAGONG DAMIT
Seryoso, hindi ako sanay na namimili ng sarili kong damit. Kaya siguro may pagkamanong ang porma ko, eh kasi dati madalas umaasa lang ako sa mga padalang polo ng mga tiyahin ko. Asa ka pang in sila sa bagong style diba. Simula nang malipat ako sa Marikina at nakasama sa ilang mapopormang kaibigan, natuto akong bumili ng damit na sakto lang sa size ko. Kasi sa Amerika, kapag large ang binili mong damit, eh ibig sabihin nun kasing laki mo si Jimmy Santos. Eh hello 5'6 lang ako. Kaya ang saya saya ko kapag nagsusukat ako ng mga magagandang damit... at nabibili ko ito.

4. PUMAPAYAT KA
Gaya ng sinabi ko nung una, pagbalik na pagbalik ko mula NZ ilang buwan na ang nakakaraan, eh lahat na lang ng tao sinabihan akong lumolobo. Kaya simula noon, todo gym at diet ako. Kaya ngayon palakpak tenga ako sa tuwing nasasabihan ako na 'uy ang laki na ng pinayat mo ah.' Isa na ring dahilan kaya mahal na mahal ko ang trabaho ko eh dahil libre dito ang gym, may trainer ka pa. Parang impyerno ang pakiramdam pag naggygym ako, pero sulit naman. Hahahaha

5. SI KRAS
Madaming nagpapangiti sakin na hindi ninyo makikita dito sa listahan na ito dahil sobrang keso!!! Pero dahil wala naman ako masyadong maisip kaya isisingit ko siya dito ngayon. Hindi ko alam ang pangalan niya, kasi wala akong lakas ng loob na makipag-usap sa hindi ko kilala pero siomai, nahuhumaling ako sa kanya. Hindi naman siya tipong kagandahan talaga, pero anlakas ng appeal para sakin. Unang-una nagbubus siya so ibig sabihin, hindi siya high maintenance. Sabay may dimples pa. Hay. (MATAGAL KO NANG SINULAT ITO... WALA NA AKONG KRAS NGAYON!!! ISA NA LANG.. HEHEHE)

6. COMICS
Anim pa lang hirap na ako ah. Oh eto, ang isa sa mga hobbies ko. Hindi nako bumibili ng paisa-isang issue ngayon kasi mahal. So ang ginagawa ko, yung mga trade paperback na ang binibili ko. Huli man ako sa kwentuhan, at least in the know pa rin ako (may internet naman). Pwede ako tumambay sa tindahan ng komiks buong araw nang hindi lumalabas. Tatlo lang naman talaga ang kadalasang pinagkakaabalahan ko, comics, internet at pabango. Noong mga nakaraang buwan, dito lang napupunta ang pera ko. Pero kung mababasa niyo lang ang mga kwentong nilalabas ngayon... di rin mawawala ang ngiti nyo pag nakita niyo ang bida bugbugin ang kalaban niya.

7. END NG TRABAHO
Gaano man ako kasaya sa trabaho ko, wala ng mas sasaya pa para sa akin kapag tapos na ang araw ko. Yung tipong mag-gygym ka na lang bago umuwi. Tapos pag-uwi mo, maglalaro ng konting Fallout 3 bago matulog. Hay. Enough said.

8. MAHABANG TULOG
Dahil ngayong linggo, kulang ako dito ilalagay ko sa mga bagay na nagpapangiti sa akin ang isang mahabang mahabang tulog. Hindi yung tipong di na ako magigising, kasi patay na ako nun. Pero yung kumpletong tulog 8-9 hours ng tulog. Yung may magandang panaginip. Tapos di ka gigisingin sa gitna ng tulog mo para itanong lang kung gising ka (I love you lola!!!). Sobrang ganda ng araw ko kapag may ganitong tulog ako.

9. KAKORNIHAN
Sa totoong buhay hindi ako magaling sa comedic timing. Yung mga joke ko sa mga kaibigan ko eh kadalasang napagkakamalang seryoso. Siguro pag naging stand-up comedian ako wala kayong maririnig sa audience kundi tunog ng mga kuliglig, pero ang hilig kong makinig sa mga korni na jokes. Yung cellphone ko puno ng mga jokes. Tapos kung tumawa ako, parang hindi na sisikat ang buwan mamayang gabi. Ganun ako kababaw.

10. MGA EKSENA SA BUS
Hindi dahil sa manyak ako ha. Pero natatawa ako sa mga eksena ng PDA. Ewan ko ba. Hindi naman ako nalilibugan sa kanila, kaya lang nakakatuwa lang silang tingnan. Tapos maririnig mo isang minuto nagsasabihan ng 'i love you' tapos mamayamaya may maririnig mo na lang nag-aaway na sila. Tapos si lalake yayakapin ng mahigpit si babae, then si babae yayakap din naman, sabay palo sa likod. All that habang pinapanuod mo ang pirated copy ng My Only U, or Quantum of Solace.

Repost lang to. Wala kasing laman ang utak ko ngayon.

***************

Ang isang nagpapangiti sakin eh kung gaano karami ang natutuwa sa bagong estado ko sa buhay. Salamat sa suporta mga kafacebook. Kaya lang medyo OA ang mga reaction. Parang ngayon lang ako nagkasyota!!!

Isang buwan na kami!!! Bukas!!!

REVIEW: TOY STORY 3

It's not a secret I'm a huge fan of Pixar made movies. They're 11 for 11 so far. And I don't think they'll ever disappoint me.

Not when they're producing movies like Toy Story 3.

Best movie of the year for me so far. Apparently, Hollywood's been making alot of crap this summer, so it's really refreshing to see something as beautiful as this movie. To tell you honestly, apart from Kick Ass, I haven't seen any great summer movie lately. These two films were actually the only movies I was looking forward to see this year.

Toy Story is the conclusion to the trilogy that started the whole Computer Generated Animated film genre. A fitting conclusion to the story that started fifteen years ago.

This time, Andy's going to college, and Woody, Buzz and the rest of the gang are worried with what's in store for all of them. Will they be thrown in the trash, will they go to the attic or will they be donated to a day care center? Due to some unfortunate incidence, they end up in Sunnyside Day Care Center. A would-be heaven for toys, because it's a place where they never run out of kids. Would they make it out to get back to Andy before they he goes off to college? And if they do, where would they end up going?

This isn't the best Pixar outing, nor is it the most touching. But it is definitely the movie that I enjoyed watching. I loved everything about Toy Story 3, I love that even if they're just toys, they tug strings on my emotions. And not only that, it's great to see people who I grew up with, Woody, Buzz, Hamm, Mr and Mrs Potato Head, Jessie, Bullseye, Barbie and Rex, and even the newer characters like Ken and the porcupine.

I didn't cry when I watched the movie. It was difficult to do so when you have 3d glasses on. But I did cry. Specially whenever I remember the ending. The closure for all the toys. It was heartwarming, heartbreaking. It was something I didn't expect, but it's the perfect ending for all of them.

It is a rare peat for movies that come in threes to do well story-wise. But it's Pixar. They'll never let you down.

RATING: 10 out of 10 stars.

KAHIT NA...

- hindi mo ako nakitang lumaki
- minsan napipilitan kang kausapin ako pag tayong dalawa lang ang nasa bahay
- binubulsa mo yung sukli pag sobra yung binibigay kong pambayad ng bills
- noong nag-uumpisa pa lang ang pamilya mo, mas binibigyan mo ng importansya yung mga magulang mo
- kapag hinahatid mo ako sa opisina noon, sinisingil mo ako ng mas mahal kaysa kapag nagtaxi ako
- ang hilig mong makipag-agawan ng remote control sa akin, (trese anyos pa lang ako noon)
- mas mahal mo si Manny Pacquiao kaysa sakin
- madalas akong napupuyat dahil finufull volume mo ang speakers kapag nagcoconcert ka
- wala kang magandang nasasabi sa mga pinamimili kong gamit, kahit alam kong medyo naiinggit ka, kasi bumibili ka rin
- marami akong kwento kung bakit hindi ka isang perpektong ama...

Mahal na mahal pa rin kita. Kasi tatay kita. Wala ako dito sa mundong ito kung wala ka. Tsaka para sa akin, ang luto mo ang pinakamasarap na pagkain na aking natitikman!!!

I love you.

Happy Father's Day Dad!!!

At sa lahat ng mga tatay sa blogosperyo, Maligayang Araw ng mga Ama sa inyong lahat!!!

AFTER THE HONEYMOON

I think I wrote about this yesterday: when it comes to relationships, mine usually had a deadline of one month. One month, and then it's over.

There are different reasons why they end. But mostly it's because of me. I quit the person. I felt caged. Or it doesn't seem to work anymore. The relationships end when the honeymoon phase is over. If me and my partner had a fight, that normally spelt the end of the relationship.

Yesterday, me and the kid had an argument.

The reason isn't that important, and I'll be vague about it. He kind of had an issue about some of my friends' attitude about us. So anyway, that pissed him off big time. I took issue on his response because I loved him and wanted him to be a part of my world, but he seemed to have not been interested in it because of what had been said.

I know it may not sound or read much but it was the first time we really had something like that. It wasn't nasty or anything. But on my part, it was really heavy.

Old Engel may have finally found a chink in the armor. The past few days they haven't really had alot to talk about. School started, and the kid doesn't have alot of free time anymore. And it'll definitely be less once classes properly begin. Add the fact he's seeing some flaws in the kid. I may have reasons already to bail on the relationship.

But I didn't.

The thought never occurred to me. What occupied my head during the few hours we weren't talking was how to fix things. Not once did quitting come to mind.

To make the long story short, we patched things up. We're good. I'd even dare to say that we're even better.

I know, you're probably scratching your head right now thinking what the hell's the point of this post?

I guess what I really wanted to say is: in a relationship, the moment the honeymoon phase ends that's when the test of commitment begins. And right now (and this sounds corny/cheesy), I'm fully committed to make this relationship work.

The one month curse will be broken. I'm pretty sure of it.

REINTRODUCTION

The one thing that put a smile on my face whenever I open this blog while I was still in the 'I-quit-this-blog' phase was that it's still generating hits and new followers. Granted that once upon a time I think I was writing posts that kinda appealed to a particular niche, the last few posts have been a bit offensive to some people.

Anyway, since my return I've noticed the people who've been visiting me or leaving comments on my posts are new names, new faces that I haven't met before, I thought maybe it's time I reintroduce myself to people who don't know me.

A few bits about the author of this little home.

• This is my 7th home on the blogosphere, but only my 2nd active blog. The other one is written mostly in Filipino and caters to a different set of blog friends.
• I work night shifts for one of the world's biggest companies first as a customer service person, but now a sort of IT person. Sort of. It's difficult to explain.
• Contrary to popular belief, I am not a flirt. I'm just friendly. And I'm also suplado. I have walls that need to be broken down.
• I once had a relationship with a fellow blogger, that didn't end well. So now, I decided bloggers are better off as friends.
• I am a homebody. I don't go out to parties, unless it's an intimate (not sexual-intimate but intimate-intimate) type of hanging out.
• The reason for above is mostly because I tend to not talk when I'm hanging out with more than three people. It's weird but my mouth automatically shuts up when more than three people are with me.
• I'm a geek. I can stay in my room for one whole weekend just watching dvd's, playing video games, reading my comic books or just sleeping. Sometimes I wear glasses, and I own quite a number of checkered polos.
• I like talking about myself in my blogs. Narcissus is my best friend.
• I own a pet parrot, and there've been a few bloggers who've already petted (is this a word?) it.
• I always cry whenever I watch a dog movie.
• My longest relationship was with a girl (8 months). After that my relationships had a deadline (1 month), which I'm working really hard to break with my current one. Thankfully, the partner is just as committed to this as I am.

There you go. Some bits about me.

KWENTONG KABATAAN: SALBAHENG BATA IRE

Kung ikaw ay medyo kagaya ko ang edad na nasa late 20s (honest ako, bakit ba), kadalasan mapapareminisce ka talaga sa mga araw kung kailan medyo pinakamaligaya ka. Di yung mga moments mo ng 'honey' mo, kundi yung kabataan mo.

Madalas masarap balik-balikan ang nakaraan. Noong simple ang pamumuhay. Hindi ka depressed dahil single ka o nabasted ka o matanda ka na at wala ka pang asawa. Hindi ka namumroblema sa pera. Hindi mahalagang wala kang sex life. At hindi atat ang mga magulang mo na palayasin ka sa bahay nila dahil magtetrenta ka na sa kanila ka pa rin nakatira.

Hindi ako yun. Hindi lahat.

Pero kahit na masaya itong mga bagay na 'to balik-balikan, sadyang mayroong tayong mga kagaguhan na nais nating ibaon sa limot dahil sadyang hindi ito magaganda. Konti lang yung sa akin.

ANG TEORYA NG NINE LIVES
Aminin mo, noong bata ka ganito ka rin. Kapag mayroon kayong nakikitang pusa / kuting sa bahay o sa kalsada pinagtitripan ninyo ito.

Ganoon kami noong bata kami. Sinusubukan namin patunayan ang kasabihan na ang mga pusa ay may siyam na buhay.

Ang ginagawa namin iniitsa namin sa pader, sa bubong, sa puno, sa sasakyan, para subukan kung masusurvive nga nila ito. Ang siste, may konsensya pa rin kami kahit bata pa kami. Walong beses lang namin itong ginagawa, kasi baka pag sa pangsiyam na beses, eh matuluyan ito. Naaawa pa rin kami kahit papaano.

KLEPTO
Noong bata ako, dahil nag-iisa akong anak ay medyo salbahe ako. Inggitero.

Ako noon ang paboritong pamangkin ng tita ko na naninirahan sa US. Kaya pag umuuwi siya dati madalas ako may pinakamagagarang mga pasalubong. Pinakamaraming laruan. Pinakamalaking hati sa bilangan ng chocolates at kung anu-ano pa.

Pampalubag loob sa pinsan ko, one time binigyan siya ng wallet ng asawa ng tita ko. Dun sa lalagyan ng litrato ang nakalakip na picture eh mga dinosaur. Dahil fan ako noon ng Dino Riders, eh nainggit ako.

So isang gabi, habang tulog lahat ng tao sa kwarto, kinuha ko at itinago yung wallet na binigay ng tito ko sa pinsan ko. Hindi ko siya inilabas hanggang matapos ang summer, at yun ang ginawa kong wallet nang magsimula ang pasukan. Kahit kinse pesos lang ang baon ko noon.

MAKAMUNDONG BATA
Naikwento ko na ito noon pa, maaga akong namulat sa kamunduhan. Bago kayo magreact ng bayolente, hindi ako biktima ng child molestation o kung anuman.

Siguro mga pito o walong taong gulang pa lang ako, ay nakapanuod na ako ng porno.

Meron kasi akong mga kapitbahay na bata pa lang eh napapabayaan na ng mga magulang. Kapag bakasyon, tuwing papasok ang nanay at tatay ng kapitbahay namin, ay nireraid namin ang kwarto ng mga magulang nito. Alam nila kung saan nakatago ang mga betamax tape at litratong makamundo ng tatay nila.

Sa kanila ko napanuod ang sex video ni George Estregan at saka ng partner niyang bisaya. Aguy!!! Sa kanila ko rin nakita ang mga black and white na mga litrato ng mga modelo habang ginagawa nila ang mga bagay na gawain ng mag-asawa.

Diring diri pa kami noon. Kasi yung mga babae, hinahayaan lang silang duraan ng mga lalake. At nagtataka kami kung bakit kulay puti ang laway ng mga lalakeng ito. Akala namin bago nila ginawa yung shoot, uminom sila ng madaming gatas.

Actually, di naman talaga panget na alaala ito, naisama ko lang kasi tatanga-tanga kami noon sa mga nakikita namin. Dura?! WTF diba?

**********
Kayo, ano ang mga ayaw niyong balikan na mga alaala ninyo noong bata pa kayo?

KAPIRASONG LANGIT (KAFFE RAZZO)

Sumilip ako sa bintana at nakita ko ang kotse niya na pinaparada sa harap ng coffee shop na pinalalagian ko. Nakita niya ako, at alam niyang galit ako.

Nagmamadali siyang lumabas at lumapit sa akin.

Hinalikan ako at umupo sa tapat ko. "I'm sorry I'm late, Tracy. Traffic."

"You're always late Ian. You know how important today is..." magsisimula sana akong maglitanya sa mga problema namin sa relasyon namin.

Bigla niyang hinawakan ang kamay ko. "I'm sorry. I'm here na. We'll talk."

Tinawag niya ang isa sa mga crew ng cafe. "Ako na ang oorder para sa'tin okay? Ate bigyan mo ako isang order ng Dory Fish Fillet, padamihan ng tartar sauce, isang order ng Mongolian Rice and dalawang Mango Shake. Yung pinakamatamis na mangga na meron kayo. Thanks."

Nakuha niya lahat ng gusto ko.

Si Ian, ang boyfriend ko. Di man siya perpekto, pero laging napapangiti niya ako.

-Kaffe Razzo

Tikman ang kapirasong langit.

********************

Maraming nakapunta sa soft launch noong Sabado sa cafe ni Kuya Chinggoy na Kaffe Razzo, ilan lang ang naabutan ko dahil maaga akong dumating doon at may lakad pa ako. Pero hindi tungkol sa akin ang post na ito.

Sabado ng umaga nang sa unang pagkakataon sa linggong nagdaan ay nasira ang diet ko. Bumisita ako sa mumunting coffee shop ni Kuya Edsel sa may Sta. Mesa para tikman ang pagkain sa pinagmamalaki niyang negosyo, ang Kaffe Razzo.

Dory Fish Fillet, iced coffee at mango shake lang ang natikman ko, pero sobrang nabusog ako. Normally, hindi ako kumakain ng isda, pero ang sarap nung kinain ko, lalo na kung isasawsaw mo dun sa house sauce nilang may secret ingredient.

Ang maganda sa lugar na ito, dahil sa target market ng lugar, ay lahat ng pagkaing hinahain nila ay kayang kaya ng bulsa. Kung saan ika'y gagastos ng malaki para sa matabang na kape, sa kanila mas makakatipid ka na, masarap pa siya.

Medyo iniba ko konsepto ng post ko kasi alam ko sa mga susunod na araw eh maraming magsusulat para sa'yo. Naisip ko lang kung sakaling lumaki ang business mo ganito concept ng tv ad mo.

Bukas nga pala ang grand opening ng Kaffe Razzo. Matatagpuan siya sa may Sta Mesa paglampas lang ng SM Centerpoint. Sa pagitan ng UERM Hospital at Caltex Station. Para sa mga techie, libreng Wi Fi ang coffee shop na ito.

Kung gusto niyong malaman ang ilan pang detalye tungkol sa Kaffe Razzo, click niyo ito at ito. Marami pang lalabas sa blogosperyo sa mga susunod na araw.

Salamat Kuya Edsel at good luck sa iyong business!!!

KWENTONG FIRST DAY HIGH

Pasukan nanaman pala. Nakalimutan ko yun pala ang isa sa mga pangyayaring associated pag dumarating na ang buwan ng Hunyo. Una kasing naiisip ko ay kasal (hehehe). Kaya ngayon gusto kong ishare ang ilang alaala ng aking mga araw bilang isang mag-aaral.

Dahil matagal-tagal na rin akong hindi nakakapagsulat para sa aking kwento series naisip kong dagdagan ito ngayon. Para naman hindi na lang palaging repost o maiikling post ang nababasa ninyo dito. Nais ko lang magkwento.

Kung magbabalik-tanaw ako, medyo malabo na sa utak kong magtetrenta ang mga nangyari sakin noong unang araw ko sa elementarya at hayskul. Elementary, malamang kasi sobrang tagal na nun (ang naaalala ko lang eh yung hindi ako sinundo ng nanay ko pauwi). Sa hayskul, wala talaga akong maraming alaala dun. Boring hayskul life ko. Sobra!!!

Medyo matagal-tagal na rin akong nagtapos ng kolehiyo, at hindi rin naman marami ang mga alaala ko noong unang araw ko doon, pero marami akong naiisip na nangyari sa akin noong unang araw ng klase bilang isang college student.

FIRST DAY

Alala ko noon gusto akong ihatid ng nanay ko papunta sa paaralan noon. As in!! Handa na ang nanay ko nung araw na yun para dalhin ako sa Beda na parang bata lang. Mega-bihis pa siya nun, nang maabutan ko siya sa sala namin nung paalis na ako. Nawili yata kasi nung enrollment namin binitbit ko siya, kaya gusto sigurong maulit ang bonding moments namin. Pambawi sa di niya pagsundo noong first day ko sa elementary.

Ngalang, ang tinuro sakin ng nanay kong paraan papasok at pauwi ay palpak. Sabi niya mula samin, sumakay ako ng jeep na papuntang LRT, tapos sumakay ako LRT at bumaba sa Central Terminal kung saan ako pwede sumakay ng jeep papuntang Baste, tapos lakarin ko na lang. Meron naman palang FX samin na diretso na hanggang Lawton. Tapos pauwi, ang tinuro niya eh kailangan kong pumunta ng Quiapo, maglakad ng malayong malayo papunta sa LRT pauwi. E pwede naman akong pumunta sa Doroteo Jose, papuntang LRT o kaya'y bumalik ng Lawton at sumakay ng Sucat na FX at mas mapapadali ang buhay ko. Kaya dumating ako't umuwing pawisang pawisan.

SAN BEDA FOR THE FIRST TIME

Parang wala lang nagbago. Galing ako ng all boys school. Puros lalaki pa rin ang nakikita ko. Although ngayon, meron na ring mangilan-ngilang may boobs (yung tunay). Kaya lang, wala kaming pag-asa noon sa kanila kasi Law Students yung mga yun.

Ang nagbago lang sa mga naging kaklase ko, napansin kong andami kong kaklaseng coño. Noong high school kasi kami, 4 lang sa buong klase namin ang medyo kunyotic. Halos lahat kami noon jologs. May mga pakonyo pero bading. Noong kolehiyo, ganun talaga. Nakawheels. Nakashades. Japorms (lumalabas talaga ang panahong kinalakhan ko!!! yak). Diretso mag-ingles, walang uhms magsalita. Nakakaaliw.

At saka andaming makulit. Palibhasa yung kurso ko ang isa sa pinakamadaling kurso sa eskwelahan namin noon (Marketing Management ako), marami akong kaklaseng galing Row 4. So sobrang kulit ng mga kaklase ko. Balasubas. I felt right at home.

PERO ANG DI KO TALAGA MALILIMUTAN

Normal naman ang unang araw ng klase. Hindi siya espesyal. Maraming pagpapakilala sa mga guro, pero parang normal na araw lang. Kaya kung tatanungin niyo ako kung may mga specific na alaala ako sa unang araw ko sa kolehiyo, malamang isa lang masasagot ko. Yung nilapitan ako ng mga kaklase ko at tinanong ako kung balikbayan or amboy daw ako. Galing ko daw mag-ingles. Promise pumalakpak tenga ko't lumaki ang ulo ko nun.

Pero di yun yung hindi ko talaga makakalimutan. Ang hindi mawawala sa isip ko tungkol sa unang araw ko sa kolehiyo. Eh yung pakiramdam na malaya na ako.

Pagtapak ko sa St. Maur's Hall, naramdaman ko agad na nagbago na ako. Bagong Gilbert. Clean slate lahat. Wala na yung loser na Gillboard noong high school na hindi marunong makibagay sa mga tao. Na nabawasan na yung jologs na Gillboard na hindi marunong mag color coordinate ng mga damit pamporma. Na yung dating binatilyo ay binata na talaga.

Buong araw hindi nawala yung ngiti ko sa mukha. May mga bago akong kaibigan. Bagong katauhan. Lahat bago.

Tsaka mas malaki na ang baon ko by 200%.

SAKALAN

reNaranasan mo na bang masakal? Hindi ka makahinga. Nasasaktan. Nanghihina. Pakiramdam mo, mamamatay ka na (actually mamamatay ka talaga). Ang hirap diba?

Sa isang relasyon, nararamdaman din natin yan, paminsan. Nasasakal. Hindi makahinga. Nasasaktan. Nanghihina. Pakiramdam mo mamamatay ka na. Pero bakit, masasaktan kung ang ginagawa lang naman ng kapares mo ay ang mahalin ka?

Kung minamahal tayo, bakit natin nararamdaman na tayo'y nakakulong, na tayo'y hindi makagalaw, hindi makahinga? Kung hindi naman nakakasama sa atin ang ginagawa nila, bakit tayo nasasakal?

Mali ba yun? Nagiging unfair ba tayo kapag nararamdaman natin yun? Nagiging madamot? Iniisip ang sarili? Naghahanap ng growth? O marahil hindi lang talaga para sa atin yung ating kapiling kaya natin nararanasan iyon? Kasi diba dapat pag nakilala mo na siya eh kumpleto ka na?

Ang dami kong tanong. Hindi ko naman nararamdaman iyon.

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Hindi ako nasasakal o nananakal ngayon. Naisip ko lang yung mga nakaraan kong relasyon. Kasi ilang beses nasabi ko na yun ang dahilan kaya natapos ang aming pagsasama.

QUICK HITS V: ON LEAVING, RETURNING AND BLOGGING

I left Engel because I thought that it's already served it's purpose. In truth it already did. I've said all I had to say. I've met all the people I wanted to meet. I made a handful of good friends, and I think it's more than enough.

I've been through quite a few things during my time away from this blog, and I'm grateful I have a few people that I was able to turn to for advise during those times. I met them all here. And I'm not asking for anything more. And honestly, I was quite disappointed with a few of the people I've met online. Superficial.

I thought that of all the people who'd understand me, it would be the people who are the same as I am. Call me naive, but I thought that was true. Apparently not.

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Now I came back because I thought there's no other means for me to say what I really wanted to say. I write alot on my other home, and it's mostly me. But I can't say everything.

Believe me, I so wanted to say there how happy I am, the state I am in these days. But I can't not all of them understand. I'm not one to worry about losing readers. That's how you know who will stick around. But some of them I've known ever since I started that home.

But the freedom is here. I get to express everything here without inhibitions. Without worries of being misjudged.

And I came back because I have new reasons to write again.

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The GBV pointed out that this side of the blogosphere has kind of lost the really good writers. I'm sure they're still around. I still see them post entries every now and then, but I guess they are now busy living their lives outside the online world.

It's a shame because most of them I haven't even met yet.

I don't get to bloghop here as often as I should, but one thing I noticed, and I said this a few posts ago, most of the new blogs out there are all about one thing. Sex.

Yeah, I know sex sells. And I'm not going to burst other's bubbles here. That's their blogs, that's what they want to write. I've always the option to not read them. But then again I hope those people won't expect others to treat them seriously. No offense, but those people air out their most private or intimate experiences to the public. These things are not meant to be shared. Unless your aim is to tittilate and nothing else.

I'm not going to go all preachy or anything because for one, I read some of them.

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These are only my opinions. I don't mean to offend anyone by what I said here. And if in case I did, I'm sorry.

BLESSED

Ang sabi noon kapag mabuti kang tao, lahat ng biyaya ay ibibigay sa'yo. Naniniwala ako doon. Hindi ako perpekto, marami akong kalokohan sa buhay ko. Pero in general, sa tingin ko, namuhay naman ako bilang isang mabuting tao.

Sa tingin ko nagbunga naman ng maraming magagandang bagay ang pagiging mabait ko. Nagkaroon ng kaunting karangalan. Nakuha ang mga naging pinagpaguran. Nakakilala ng mga mabubuting kaibigan. Sa madaling salita, maayos ang aking naging pamumuhay.

Naging mabait ako sa aking buhay. Pero kumpara sa iba, hindi ako ganun kabuti. Hindi ako sumasali sa mga volunteer work. Minsan pag may nagbabangayan, ako'y may kinakampihan. Madalas tarantado ako. May mga pagkakataon, nagiging bastos ako sa mga magulang ko. Hindi ako perpekto. Madalas pa nga, ako ay gago kaysa nagiging santo.

Gayunpaman, hindi pa rin ako napapabayaan. Marami pa rin akong biyayang natatanggap. Tanong ko sa sarili ko, 'do I deserve this?' Sobra sobra ang natatanggap ko paminsan. Kaya ang laki ng takot ko baka bawiin na lang sa akin lahat ng iyon sa isang iglap. Bigla akong magising at mawala silang lahat.

Alam ko madalas sobra ang aking natatanggap kumpara sa aking binibigay. Pero malaki ang pasasalamat ko at kahit papaano, malakas pa rin ako sa taas.

I know sometimes I don't deserve the things I get in my life. Pero hindi ko yun kinukwestyon. Ang tanging magagawa ko lang ay patunayan sa sarili ko, sa taas at sa mga tao na ako'y nararapat na makakuha nito. Pinagbubutihan ang trabaho. Binabalik ang mga binibigay ng mga minamahal ko. Nagiging masaya at kuntento.

Mabuti akong tao. Kaya ngayon ako'y kumpleto.

BAD GILLBOARD

People say that to enjoy one's life, he has to experience everything that it has to offer.

Both the good and the bad.

I've been complaining that I've lived a boring life free of risks and haven't done a lot of taking chances. While on the commute home earlier this morning, I realized I haven't actually been a very good boy. I have done some things that I shouldn't have.

I have done things that let's just say we should do at least once in our lives.

PAY FOR SEX
Boredom + Money + Youth sometimes is not equal to good decisions. I did this only once, and I have no intentions of doing it again. Promise!!! I get it now for free anyway.

PHONE DEEDS
To be honest, I never enjoyed phone sex. I never caught on with this. I guess it has to do with the way my first time fell through. The girl was hilarious. She turned on something else in me that night. My funny bone. But I did it. A few times too after that. But it's not that interesting for me. I still go for the real thing.

WEEDS
Oh this one, I did more than once. It's something I always wanted to do before. Do something bad. Something stupid. I've heard alot of hype about smoking weed. And I've seen how this affected some of my co-workers before. So I was actually excited to know how this would work on me. Unfortunately, the four times I smoked this I felt nothing after. Absolutely nothing. My friends would laugh non-stop. Lose inhibitions. Felt really tired. Got crazy. But me. Nada. Nothing. Made me think if those people were just acting up, because they were high, or I was just really boring.

SHOPLIFT
For a long time, I told myself I've never shoplifted in my life. But then I remembered, I did. A couple of comic books. Accidentally. It was about four or five years ago. I was tipsy back then, I went to a comic book store somewhere in Glorietta. I asked to check some comic books on the rack. I did pay for two comic books, but I bagged five. So I got three comics for free. My heart was pounding really fast, like it wanted to get out of my chest. It was something I don't want to feel anymore. The guilt was so strong I was willing to bury it down deep in my memory.

CHEAT
In college, we had one professor who likes defying the norm. He was a radical teacher, and we did learn a lot of things from him. He was the cool guy among a flock of conservative professors. So one time, he thought of giving us the answers to his finals exam. Unfortunately, he got caught. And got fired. So as a way of saying fuck you to the system. He found the answer keys to the replacement tests and gave it to us. We denied having gotten hold of the answer key and aced the test. The subject... Theology.

I am an ass sometimes.

But these things. They make my life less boring.

WHY YOU HAVEN'T FOUND THE ONE

Earlier I was texting with my friend, and she asked me why she still hasn't found the one. And it made me think... she is a very pretty girl. She's smart, funny and yeah, she's got like more than half of what I think what men are looking for in a woman. But she's still single. I told her, she's still young, there's still alot of time to find the right man. But the question still lingered in my tired and sleepless mind.Why are some people having a hard time finding the one?

1. YOU'VE GOT HIGH STANDARDS
Maybe you're looking for someone who's a rich, famous, good looking and smart man or a beautiful, athletic, caring and sexy woman. Reality check, it's very rare that anyone's got everything that you're looking for in a partner. They'll always have flaws. And if there is anyone at all like that who exists. Chances are they may not be looking for someone like you. Don't set your standards too high, because in one way or another, the person you're looking for may not exist, and you'll end up with nothing. Try a girl who accepts you for who you are, or a guy who makes you laugh. There's nothing wrong with having an ideal partner. Just make sure that they're real.

2. YOU'RE LOOKING AT THE WRONG PLACES
I highly doubt you'll find the love of your life in the chatroom. If you're a girl looking for a man who'd like to just stay with you at home and endure cheesy movie marathons, you won't find him in a club. If you're a guy looking for a girl who'd rock your world in the bedroom, the church is not the right place to scan for those kinds of women. Maybe I'm wrong, who knows, but the point is, if you're looking for a partner who has the same interests as yours, try to look for them where they could be found. Befriend a fellow blogger. Introduce yourself to people who works out with you. If you find someone interesting in a forum where you share the same hobbies (ie pinoyexchange), send him/her a personal message.

3. YOU'RE JUST WAITING
For guys, and I think I've said this a thousand times before already, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE THE ONE LOOKING! People normally say they'll just wait for love. If someone's meant for you, destiny'll find a way for you two to meet. Yeah, that's very much possible... in the movies!!! Think about this, what if you're waiting for the right one to come... and that person's also waiting for you, are you willing to wait for something that's unlikely to come. Sometimes you have to do something else, if waiting is not working. That's how spinsters became what they are.

4. YOU'VE BEEN STUPID
Maybe you've found the right one, you just let him/her go. We've all made mistakes in our lives, and sometimes the consequence of those mistakes is our special someone. There's nothing wrong with that. But don't let that stop you from looking for the right one. I'm a firm believer that if the two of you are really meant to be, no storm or calamity will prevent you two from being together. Let that mistake be a lesson. Charge it to experience so that when the time comes that you two find each other again, you won't make the same mistake. Unless you're really stupid.

5. YOU DON'T LOVE YOURSELF.
I know most of what I'm saying is cliche. But the thing about cliche is, it's being said again and again because it is true. You'll never be happy with anyone else, if first and foremost you don't love yourself. For one, you will never believe that the person you're with loves you for what you are, because you yourself can't accept that you have faults. If you still have that, you'll never be contented. You'll always look for something more. In short, you're not yet ready that's why you still haven't found her or him.

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Dahil wala pa rin laman ang utak ko kundi siya. Yak, ang keso. Magrerepost na lang ako. Pasensya na.

Maligayang Hunyo sa inyong lahat. Umuulan kanina. Sa unang pagkakataon, ako ay masaya na umulan.