Dec 31, 2009
Maingay ang mga bata. Malilikot. Takbo ng takbo. Makukulit.
Naisip ko tuloy wala talaga akong balak magkaroon ng anak sa ngayon.
Para mapalayo sa mga makukulit na mga kamag-anak naisip kong magkulong muna sa kwarto. Manuod ng telebisyon para naman di masayang ang oras habang hinihintay magputukan sa labas.
Hindi rin naman ako sasama sa kanilang lahat mamaya pag nagsimba sila. Mas gugustuhin kong mag-isa muna sa bahay. Titikman ang mga inihandang pagkain.
Isa't kalahating oras bago magbagong taon, naisip kong wala na lahat ng tao sa bahay. Nagsimba na silang lahat. Tahimik na ulit maliban na lang sa mga tambay sa labas na nagsisindi ng trayanggulo para takutin ang mga baklang dumadaan sa kalye namin.
Medyo nakakatulog nako nang makarinig ako ng mga sigawan.
Yung mga batang maiingay kanina. Bumalik na sila agad?
Sigawan ng mga bata. Nataranta akong bumangon sa kama at lumabas ng kwarto.
Inaasahan kong makakapal na usok ang bubulaga sa akin dahil nga may sumisigaw ng sunog.
Walang sunog hijo. Narinig kong bulong sa akin ng nanay.
"Naglalaro lang pala yung mga bata," kinakabahan kong sagot sa babae.
Malungkot ang mag-asawa. Siguro dahil hindi nila kayang pigilan ang mga makukulit na bata.
"Happy New Year po." bati ko sa mag-asawa.
Ngumiti lamang ang mga ito. Naisip kong bumalik na lang muna sa kwarto. Mukhang mabait naman yung pamilya at wala rin naman silang mananakaw sa bahay namin ang inisip ko.
Naalala lang nila yung nangyari ilang taon na ang nakakaraan. Noong nasunog ang bahay namin. Kasama kami.
Biglang nanlamig ang aking katawan. Parang isang bato, hindi na ako nakagalaw sa aking kinatatayuan. Kaya pala walang pumapansin sa aming mga bisita.
Ako lang ang nakakakita sa kanila.
Happy New Year sa lahat!!!
I've been thinking maybe this coming year I need to be with a woman. If ever there is such a thing, make things a little less complicated. Be normal for once. Looking back, the longest relationship I had was with a girl. Maybe I would have better luck with a straight relationship. I mean come on, women are easier to please than guys who have standards. Right?
Anyway, 2010's a few hours away and while almost everyone's preparing for the New Year's party that'll welcome the new decade or the year that'll end the decade (I'm confused), I am here in the office preparing for my work to start. I swear this will be the only time this will happen!!! Ever!!!
I've decided to make a checklist of things that I will be doing this coming year. My 28th year of existence on this planet we call earth.
- Loosen up. Have fun. Bring back the social life I lost when I transferred departments in the office.
- Go to Malate. Experience at least for one night what all the hype is about.
- Don't get stressed too much.
- Go on more dates. Date a girl. Whatever, just date more this year.
- Oh yeah, get my ass promoted!!!
- Travel more this year. Go to Boracay or something.
- Do myself a favor and shape up.
- Cut down on comic book expenses. 6000 pesos a month is just absurd Engel!!!
- If I can't find someone who won't make me sad, find a person who's worth the pain.
- Move out. Anyone in the Makati area looking for a roomie?! I have an xbox!!! :D
- Get started with that epic story I've been plotting for weeks.
- Of course, meet up with the people who've been sharing their lives with me in the blogosphere.
- Smile alot. Be happier.
The even years are most of the time better for me than the odd years. I'm crossing my fingers that it'll prove true again in 2010.
Oh yeah, it's a blue moon tonight. I don't know what's so special about it, but it is rare to have two full moons in one month. Whatever it is, the moon does look especially pretty this evening.
Happy New Year everyone!!!
Dec 29, 2009
Alot of the good things that happened to me, happened after I opened this new blog.
2009 was steady for Engel. Nothing huge like last year's trip abroad. Or nothing too dramatic like the resignation from a couple of years ago. It's just steady. And steady is good.
I did learn a lot of things this year though. In a way, I've grown some more. Am I a better person though? I'm not sure. I probably have a long way to go, but at least I'm more aware now of who I am and who I want to be.
- This year I was reminded to think things through. There's nothing wrong in jumping blind when it comes to relationships, but before you do, you have to make sure that the jittery feelings you have inside is not just because you're longing for kilig. Infatuation is not the same as love. You may end up hurting someone in the process.
- I learned to trust in myself more. I may not be the best looking guy in the world. I may not be the smartest. The most interesting. I could probably be the most boring guy out there, but there will still be people who will like me for who I am.
- Not all risks pay off. But that doesn't mean you won't find anything you'll like about the changes in your life. When things don't seem to go the way you want it to be, change your perspective and where you are might not seem so bad after all.
- Wisdom does not come with age. Some of the things you'll learn in life, you might get from people younger than you. You could be 27 years old, and still be the most immature person in the world.
Thank you for those people who missed me. The ones who appreciated this blog, and this writer. To those who comes back even if I wasn't posting anything. You made it hard for me to leave this home totally. You guys made some of the challenges, trials, pains and heartaches worth it.
Hopefully in the next year, I'll meet all of you finally, who knows.
Happy New Year.
Dec 26, 2009
So here's Gillboard's best of 2009
LAST YEAR: The Dark Knight
2009 was a tight race for the year's best movies. Alot of good films came out in 09, and for film freaks like me, it's just exhausting for the wallet. I think even coming up with a runner-up is just as difficult, probably even more. But my basis for choosing this movie (although technically this is an 08 film, but it was only shown here March of this year) is the way it made me feel after watching it. Slumdog Millionaire has the best ending in any movie I have seen. I never imagined ever being excited for an indian movie until I saw this movie. I think it's winning an Oscar this year is proof enough how good this film is.
RUNNER-UP: Up, Star Trek, 500 Days of Summer, Avatar (sorry can't think of just 1 film for this category so I just added it all).
BEST PINOY MOVIE
LAST YEAR: A Very Special Love
I actually only saw 2 Filipino made films this year, and luckily both movies were really good. I think it's fairly obvious what this film is going to be. I don't normally write posts about films I've seen (specially Filipino made movies), but after seeing this movie, I just can't help but write about it. My coño friends tell me I'm jologs for even watching it, but hey, I can't help it, John Lloyd and Sarah have chemistry. The film's cliche, I know but just like Slumdog, you come out of the cinema feeling better about yourself. Less stressed. And somehow, feeling all jittery. Kinikilig in short.
LAST YEAR: Grand Theft Auto IV
2009 wasn't such a big year for gaming. There weren't alot of big releases, as I think videogame companies decided to push their releases until next year, when the recession isn't as hard as this one. But some are smart enough to put out a good game while there's still less competition in the market. Assassin's Creed 2 was one of those released this year that totally kicked ass!!! I love Ezio. I think he's way better than Altair in terms of well, everything. The game being set in renaissance Italy is just perfect. I just love this game. It's easy to pick up and just as fully immerseful like it's predecessor.
RUNNER-UP: Batman: Arkham Asylum
BEST OF TV
LAST YEAR: How I Met Your Mother
This year was an easy one. Seeing as not alot of shows performed really well last season, with only a few exceptions, the choice was an easy one. Come on, who wouldn't love this show? High School Musical, this is not. I thought at first, this show was too gay, so I only watch it for the songs. But then a few episodes later, I find myself rooting for Mr. Schue, loving Sue Sylvester, getting irritated at Finn for believing Quinn could get pregnant from a jacuzzi make out session and for hating Terri for what she's doing to her husband. Yeah, I'm a Gleek.
RUNNER-UP: Legend of the Seeker
LAST YEAR: Iisa Pa Lamang
For awhile there, I thought it's going to be Tayong Dalawa, because it was practically the only show I see, because my mom would often wake me up when this show starts. But then later on this year, I find myself rooting for a different love team. One that could surpass the popularity of Kim and Gerald. It's Melason. Yes, Big Brother is back in form. I don't actually care about the rest of the housemates (well, other than Sam of course), but I often automatically wake up early in the afternoon if only to see Melai and Jason torture each other.
RUNNER-UP: Tayong Dalawa
BEST COMIC EVENT OF THE YEAR
LAST YEAR: Norman Osborn's Dark Reign Begins
There were only a few events this year, so there weren't alot to choose from. But this year my choice is quite simple. During the middle of Osborn's Dark Reign, a riot between mutants and humans exploded in San Francisco, forcing the dwindling number of mutants fighting for their home and their survival. And pitting the X-Men against Norman's Dark Avengers. This event made me go back to reading X-Men again, after I left when Messiah Complex ended. I just don't know what's gonna happen now when almost all of the remaining surviving mutants are all holed up in a floating island they call Utopia.
RUNNER-UP: Iron Man: World's Most Wanted
BEST COMICS SERIES (new)
Until I saw last year's Iron Man movie, I never was really interested in Marvel's Batman. I always thought that Tony Stark was just a cheap Bruce Wayne knockoff, but when a comic book is given to a very capable writer, there's just alot that you can do with this series. This year, I got hooked. Tony Stark, once the world's most powerful man is now the world's most wanted. With the identity of the world's registered heroes in his head, Ironman decides to take it upon himself to remove the information in his head, even if that means he has to give up what made him who he is, his brain. Who wouldn't be intrigued by that?
RUNNER-UP: Secret Warriors
BEST IN MUSIC
LAST YEAR: Coldplay
There's only one band this that made me swoon this year, and that's The Script. The Man Who Can't Be Moved which I only heard this year, will certainly be a longtime favorite. I can't help but relate to some of their songs. I can't help but agree when they sang, "when a heart breaks, it don't break even." My LSS for most of the year was If You See Kaye, and I just can't stop putting their cd on my player. It may be emo or anything but you really can't deny what a good music is. And The Script does make very good music.
RUNNER-UP: Glee Soundtrack
BEST IN NEWS
LAST YEAR: President Obama
Another year, another circus-like politics full of violent deaths, and just all around craziness (specially with elections right around the corner). I mean come on, Jamby for President. What the fuck?! Right?! Crazy. But one of the most newsworthy, albeit saddest things that happened in 09 was the passing of former President Cory Aquino. I remember receiving an instant message from Mulong at around 4 in the morning telling me that she's already passed away. I guess the good thing about it is, even if it's only for awhile, the country got united again.
RUNNER-UP: Typhoon Ondoy hit Metro Manila... badly.
BEST IN SPORTS
LAST YEAR: The Olympics
Okay, I honestly don't like this person. I think he's too overrated. Overexposed. He allows his family to be paraded around like circus freaks. And he's entering politics again. So that sucks. But fine, I give this to him, he is pound for pound the best boxer in the world. And he score two HUGE wins this year. Manny Pacquiao giving one of the best boxing matches against Coto and KOing Ricky Hatton this year are probably the highlights of sports for this year. Too bad he had to drag my crush Krista Ranillo in the circus that is his life.
RUNNER-UP: SEA Games losing it's popularity (sad)
BEST ON THE WEB (new)
I've been following this blog ever since I found out about the whole blogging thing. Although I don't think this is a blog anymore. I can't help it, everytime I read an article coming from this site, I laugh my ass off. It's really good. The Professional Heckler is the Philippines' John Stewart. It's great stuff. And this year, he was unforgiving. From Mar Roxas to NoyNoy to Gibo Teodoro, no one escapes his wits, and that makes for some of the most entertaining reads. I love this site.
RUNNER-UP: My other blog... hehehe
Happy New Year everyone!!!
Dec 24, 2009
Marahil gaya ko, marami din kayong kilalang mga blogger na nagpaalam na sa kanilang tahanan. May pansamantala. May lumilipat lang ng tahanan. Meron ding isinara na ng tuluyan ang kanilang blog. Iba-iba ang dahilan kung bakit nangyayari eto, kaya naisip kong isulat dito ang mga nabasa kong mga dahilan ng ibang mga manunulat kung bakit nila naiisipang tuluyang lisanin ang mundo ng blogosperyo.
Ang pag-ibig nga naman. Isang malaking distraction yan pagdating sa pagsusulat. Marami sa mga blogger na iniiwan ang pagbablog ay dahil sila ay umiibig. Hindi naman sila tuluyang nawawala, pero hindi mo na rin sila talaga mararamdaman. Karamihan naman kasi sa mga gumagawa ng mga blog ay hindi talaga "passionate" sa pagsusulat. Maraming bored lang, gusto lang subukan ang pagsusulat. Mga wala lang magawa. Kaya kapag meron nang pupuno ng kanilang oras, ang pagsusulat ang una nilang bibitiwan.
Minsan, dahil ang isang manunulat habang noong siya ay masaya sa isang pagsasama, kapag ito ay nagtapos na, ay idadamay pati ang sinusulatan niya. Masakit din naman kasi na mabasa yung mga masasayang mga panahon, at marerealize mo na ito'y nagtapos na. Mahirap balikan ang nakaraan lalo na kung kailangan mong mag move on. Imbis na yung ex ay makakalimutan, lalo lang siyang nagstay.
Ito ang mga manunulat na iba ang expectation pagdating sa pagmaintain ng blog. Kaya kung hindi nila nakukuha ang gusto nila, nagsasawa sila. Marahil dahil wala namang nagbabasa sa kanilang mga sinusulat. O kaya naman ay narerealize nilang mahirap talagang kumita sa pagblog. Pwede din dahil ang pagbuo ng blog ay dahil isa lang itong assignment sa school, at dahil tapos na ang semester, ay kasabay nun ay ang pagsara ng blog. Sa totoo lang, minsan nakakasawa naman talaga ang magsulat, lalo na kung wala kang maisulat.
WALA NANG MAIKWENTO
Ito madalas ang naiisip kong dahilan kapag naiisip kong isara itong blog na ito. Wala na akong maikwento. Nauubusan na ng ideya para maisulat. Wala nang pakulo. Wala ng pautot. Nadrain na ang utak. O kaya naman ay naikwento na ang lahat. Minsan kapag ganito ang nararamdaman ko, naiisip kong masyado ko nang naisapubliko ang buong buhay ko, kailangan ko naman ng panahon para sa sarili ko. Madalas pansamantala lang nawawala kapag ganito ang dahilan ng kanilang pagsasara ng blog nila. Bigyan mo ng dalawang linggo, babalik din yan. Kapag ang isang manunulat ay isang tunay na blogger, di niya maiiwasang layuan ang mundong ito. Minsan din naman ay ginagawa nilang pribado ang kanilang tahanan para lang hindi na kailangang ito'y iwan pa.
LUMIPAT NG TIRAHAN
Eto, either nagsawa na sa blogger, o kaya sa wordpress at naisipang ilipat ng ibang server ang kanilang tahanan. O kaya naman sila'y umasenso na, at kinayang gawing dot com ang kanilang tahanan. Sosyal na. Di na mareach. Kung tutuusin, hindi naman nila talagang iniwan ang mundo ng blogosperyo, pero may mga pagkakataon din, na matapos nilang gawing dot com ang kanilang bahay, eh nakakaligtaan nilang sulatan ito. Posibleng nagkakaroon din sila ng problema dun sa server (di ko alam tawag dun, kasi di naman ako dot com) kaya nawawalan sila ng ganang magsulat.
Pwede din naman dahil wala siyang nahanap na kakampi nang maisipan ng isang manunulat na makipagblogwar sa isang kapwa blogero. Matapos niyang makipagmurahan, palitan ng banta at batuhan ng mga masasakit na pananalita, marerealize nilang tanga sila at isasara ang blog, at gagawa ng bagong tahanan para magsimula ulit.
Sa totoo lang, nag-iisip akong tuluyan nang iwan itong tahanan kong ito kasabay ng pagsasara ko dun sa isa kong tahanan. Nauubusan na rin kasi ako ng mga isusulat. Pero hindi pa naman siguro ito yung panahon. Pinag-iisipan ko pa lang. Ilang post na lang kasi, 400 na ang naisulat ko dito sa blog na ito.
Pero gaya ng sabi ng mga kaibigan ko sa Plurk, mukhang hindi ko daw kaya itong gawin.
Tingnan na lang natin.
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL OF YOU GUYS!!!
Dec 22, 2009
Dec 19, 2009
Remember Chris? Engel wrote about this about a couple of months ago, before he even met the ex. He followed some of the people's advice to just forget about his feelings for the kid, but still kept the friendship, as Engel was the cause of the kid's bisexual tendencies to emerge.
He did keep his word. He shoved whatever feelings he had behind him. He even had a boyfriend to show that he's serious in not taking advantage of the kid. And Chris understood. The entire time Engel was hitched, he kept his distance. While they do text and call each other sometimes, there was still a wall between them. A boundary that says they're better off as friends.
Then Engel broke up with ex. That's when things got complicated.
The kid's feelings came back. And being young, he got confused. He tried fighting his feelings for Engel. He's obviously not ready to live an alternative lifestyle. He has a girlfriend. Other than Engel, he doesn't know anyone else who lives like this. He's 19 and he doesn't know what he wants in his life. For all everyone knows, this could just be a phase he'll grow out of.
Engel on the other hand's been fighting feelings that have been wanting to burst out of his chest since the first day he met the kid. He had to fight it because after the break up, he realized he's not yet ready to commit with somebody. Anybody. And pulling Chris in, would be a HUGE mistake.
Long story short, they tried to say goodbye to each other. During those times they felt, and said that they loved each other, but since they both know it's a longshot that they'll end up with each other, to not make the inevitable difficult they decided to end what they had immediately. They said farewell.
In one week.
But it seems that what they had for the one month that they knew each other, is something they can't move on from. So one Sunday evening they said hello again.
Things are better now. It's back to normal, although there are days when Engel can't help but get frustrated that things can't be more than what it is. But he's slowly accepting. Right now, they are better off as friends. And although Chris, doesn't say this, Engel knows he feels the same way.
This is not the right time. It is possible that they really aren't even meant for each other. But one thing is for sure, Engel likes where they are right now.
They don't know where things will go from there, but he's sure he'll... they will both be okay. And there's already a strong foundation between them that it'll be difficult to destroy whatever they have.
Oh, and for people who think Engel's got sugar daddy tendencies. Dream on. The kid comes from a well off family.
One thing that's kind of disturbing though, is that Engel for now is better off as a friend. That maybe it's what he's only good for. Being a goddarn friend.
Dec 16, 2009
Ipapagpatuloy ko lang ang aking year-ender post. Marami akong natutunan ngayong taon. At iisa-isahin ko to dito:
- Hindi dahil ang bisita ninyo eh mga foreigner o balikbayan eh ibig sabihin ay mabibiyayaan kayo ng grasya o pasalubong. Meron talagang mga tao na walang ipapasalubong sa'yo dahil nagtatrabaho ka na. Minsan sila pa mang-aarbor ng kung ano-ano sa'yo.
- Hindi dahil mga bumbay ang artista at mukhang Bollywood ang kwento, eh ang pelikula ay panget na (after manuod ng Slumdog Millionaire).
- Walang masamang magsulat ng mga kesong panulat. May mga mambabasa na gustong nakakabasa ng mga ganito. Minsan pa, mapapahulog mo sila sa mga ganito. Yiiii.
- Ang pag-ibig di dapat minamadali dahil mapupunta lang ito sa wala. Panget pag huli mo nang marealize na hindi ka pa handa pumasok sa isang relasyon.
- Kapag may katext ka nang dalawang taon at hanggang ngayon ay hindi pa rin kayo nagkikita, huwag ka nang umasa na may pag-asa pang maging kayo. Kung kayo talaga ang nararapat sa isa't-isa, nung umpisa pa lang magkakilala na kayo.
- Pag ang ex mo biglang nagparamdam sa'yo out of the blue. Hindi yan umaasang babalik ang dating pagtitinginan ninyo. Malamang gusto niyang mangutang.
- Mas matututo kang magtipid kapag wala kang pera.
- Wala kang mapapala kung magpapakabitter ka kapag naghiwalay kayo ng sinisinta mo. Lalo ka lang matatalo kung hindi ka makakaget-over. Mahirap mang gawin pero the best way to deal with a break-up is to move on.
- Nakakagaan sa loob kapag ang kaibigan mong matagal mo nang hindi nakakausap dahil sa isang di pagkakaunawaan ay nagbabalik. Mas tumatatag din ang samahan ninyong dalawa. Wag ka lang magkamaling ulitin yung dahilan ng di ninyo pagkakaunawaan.
- Hindi ka dapat nalulungkot na tumatanda ka na. Dapat pa nga ikaw lalong maging masaya. Mas maraming perks at freedom na kadikit kapag ang iyong edad ay nadadagdagan. Mas marami mang responsibilidad na nakadikit, nasa iyong sariling pananaw din naman yan kung kakayanin mo o hindi.
- At higit sa lahat, narealize ko na hindi ko na kailangan magbago para tanggapin ng iba, hindi ko kawalan kung hindi nila ako gusto. Basta nabubuhay akong walang tinatapakang ibang tao, at mabait akong tao. Yun ang mahalaga.
Last night I was talking to my best friend, and he told me one thing that lightened up my shitty evening.
One of my most attractive straight best friends (he told me to say this, but it's true) has pigsa on his balls.
I know it's painful, but at least now I feel less crappy about my life. So thank you for sacrificing your balls and your pains for my happiness. You're really such an awesome bro!!!
Don't worry I'll never have fantasies about your perfect balls EVER again.
I love you my friend. Hahahaha.
Dec 14, 2009
- Engel is not that fond of watching gay Pinoy indie movies. Alot of them looks like it was written by a teen-ager who's using his little head to do the thinking. The only decent indie movie he saw is "Ang Lihim ni Antonio." And that one's full of unnecessary sex scenes.
- Engel's love for anything Christmas ended when he graduated from college.
- Engel has about 30+ perfumes in his closet.
- Although Engel won't admit it, he's addicted to Pinoy Big Brother Double Up, Showtime and Banana Split.
- He hates Korean pop songs because it sticks in his head. The other day, he was singing I Don't Care the whole day. And it sucks!!!
- Yeah, Engel's gay but he's got a huge crush on Joanna Garcia (Privileged). He's also attracted to Sam of PBB and there's also this girl in the office who's just eye candy. Too bad she's married and pregnant. But she's sooooooo pretty!!! Like trophy wife pretty.
- He loves karaoke nights! And he's not afraid to hold the mic even if he can't sing very well.
- Just because Engel's a junior doesn't necessarily give other people the right to call him Junjun. Ewww.
- Even if his life depends on it, Engel still won't be able to deliver a well-timed joke. That's why people think him too serious.
- Engel is currently plotting a huge story which he hopes one day will get published.
- One of his biggest fetish is people's necks. He could stare at nice necks for a whole day.
- He's never completed simbang gabi. He thinks the moment he steps foot inside a church, he'll burst into flames.
- The only church though where he's immune from hellfire and brimstone is St. Jude in Mendiola.
- When Engel was a kid, he almost committed suicide. The reason... his aunt did not make him a cup of coffee.
- Fireflies by Owl City is so gay!!! But regardless, Engel likes the song.
- Engel plans to have a big 30th birthday party in about 3 years.
- He's allergic to dust. So he can't really clean his room because it makes him sick. So he's not really lazy. It's just he's allergic.
- Engel can sit in front of the pc and read people's blogs for one whole day.
- Engel can't dance. That's why he doesn't hang out in clubs as much as he'd want to.
- He doesn't really know how to let out his anger. He just quits liking people who did him wrong.
- One of his best birthdays was spent in a straight men's bar with his closest male friends.
- This post is the post that took him the longest to write.
- Engel enjoys it when people look down on Engel, because he loves seeing their reactions whenever he proves them wrong.
- It is possible that Engel is not fully allergic to seafood. Tahong does not give him the same effects as crabs or shrimp does when he eats them.
- This post gave Engel a migraine.
Dec 13, 2009
TOY STORY 3
I have to start with this movie. Toy Story 2 was one of my most favorite films that came out of Disney last century. Or was it this century. I don't remember anymore. What I do remember is I loved this movie. I'm happy to see Woody and Buzz back together again with Hamm, Jesse, Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head and the rest of the gang. Can't wait to see this movie, because I'm pretty sure this is going to be one hell of an awesome movie.
It's the end of Norman Osborn's Dark Reign, and he's going to bring Asgard down with him. This I believe is what Marvel is calling the beginning of Marvel's Age of Heroes. I have no idea what that entails to the Avengers franchise but I think it'll be great. Thor has returned. Cap was just revived and Iron Man is on his way back to recovery from his vegetative state (that's what my theory is). Marvel's trinity will be back together again. I say bring it!!!
The Avengers aren't the only franchise undergoing a huge event in 2010. The X-Men has something big boiling come summertime when the Second Coming event arrives then. The conclusion of the story that started with Messiah Complex comes crashing on the X-Men next year. My interest in all things X came back this year after what went on with Utopia, Nation X and Necrosha. I really want to know how this all will affect the things that will happen in Second Coming. What part will Bastion, Selene, Cyclops, Nate Grey, Hope and Cable play when this event arrives.
2010 PRESIDENTIAL ELECTIONS
More than who will win next year's elections, I'm really interested to see all the drama that'll go on because of this event. You know how much Philippine politics is like a circus, so I'm looking forward to see what will happen next. Jamby Madrigal is running for President, so aside from Erap I'm sure she'll be joining the ranks of funniest people (crazy) running for the highest position in the land. I love it!!!
FINAL FANTASY XIII
March sees the return of my favorite Role Playing Game in the market with Final Fantasy 13. The trailers for this game is jaw-dropping, drool-worthy and just plain awesome. I don't know if it'll be as addictive as FF7, or as amazing as FF X, or as pretty as FF12, I'm just happy that it's also available for the XBox 360. No need to shell out 20k for a PS3. I don't have any info on this one, but this game is just something I'm geeking over. Since high school.
MASS EFFECT 2
This is one of the best titles on Xbx 360's library ever. It's addicting. It's really like a real role playing game where you get to choose your dialogue and it affects the ending of the story. Add to the fact that it had the most beautiful computer generated graphics I've seen in any game I've played. The graphics is smooth, the gameplay is simple and you'll really get fully immersed in the universe that Bioware created. I have high expectations on this title, so I really hope it delivers. Specially because this is XBox's first offering for the year.
GLEE SEASON 1 ENDING
April can't come soon enough. The last few months, I admit I became a Gleek. First because of the awesome music, but then as time passed, I started rooting for Schue's kids, and I fell in love with Coach Sue Sylvester. And then I find myself rooting for the kids. I started hating Terry for lying to Schue about the pregnancy. In short, I got hooked. Anyway, Season 1 still has 9 episodes to go, and like I said, April can't come too soon.
IRON MAN 2
One of the best films of last year will have it's sequel in 2010 and I'm so looking forward to this one. And why not, Scarlett Johansson as Natasha Romanov aka The Black Widow as Downey's co-star, just perfect casting I think. Can't wait for her to don the black suit and kick ass. She does that sexy Russian accent very well. Have you guys seen the Whiplash Poster? Google it, it's really good!!! I love that the writers will be taking things from Matt Fraction's Invincible Iron Man series (read that title, it's really good). Just like with my video games, I geek out on these things too.
HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HOLLOWS PART 1
People find book 6 to be one of the most boring of the films so far, but I thought it was one of the most beautiful (cinematography-wise). If it's still the same team that will handle JK Rowling's last book, then I'm totally looking forward to seeing this one. I hate it that they have to divide this book into 2 movies, but if that's the only way for the director to be faithful to the book, then that's all fine with me. For sure before the film comes out, I'll be doing another marathon of all six films (and probably read all 7 again just for nostalgia sake). Yeah, fuck Twilight (proud to say I still haven't seen the first movie, nor read any of the books). I'm for Harry Potter all the way!!!
BIG BROTHER WINNER
Okay fine. This is my guilty pleasure for this year. But come on, everyone I know watches this reality show. Even the coño people from my office giggle like school girls whenever they talk about Melai and Jason, or how much they think Carol is sort of like a slut (I personally think it's Hermes). But regardless, this season's PBB is 30-45 minutes of my time well spent. I think Melai will win this show, and it's just wishful thinking that Sam will be in the top 2, but I really like Sam. Lately, I've been remembering my dreams alot and that's because she's in it.
Dec 12, 2009
That's the reason why I don't entertain prospects anymore
But there are people
That no matter how many lines you draw between the two of you
You still can't help but have feelings
No matter how you try and restrain it
How many times you say goodbye
You still find yourself coming back to each other
You try to avoid each other
But he still lingers
The way God's hands work, it's crazy. Why can't things be less complicated. But still, I'm happy. For now.
Dec 9, 2009
Ralph: Oo naman. How could I forget, eh ang drama mo nung araw na yun. Naaalala ko pa yung sinabi mo sakin nun.
Lia: Talaga lang ha.
Ralph: Yup. Sabi mo, "Ralph, nahihirapan nako satin. We've been friends for so long, and ang hirap sakin tanggapin na kahit kailan di mo ako kaya mahalin!"
Lia: OA, di ako ganyan kadrama!!
Ralph: Nakita ko nun sa mukha mo na talagang nasasaktan ka. Sabi ko sa sarili ko, shit di ko kayang saktan si Lia. One week mo akong di kinausap after nung nangyari.
Lia: It was really difficult for me back then.
Ralph: Bumawi naman ako diba?
Lia: Yeah. Ginulo mo yung office namin nung nagpadala ka ng maraming maraming flowers just to say you're sorry.
Ralph: And I love you.
Lia: And you love me.
Aurora: Nangako siya na maghihintay siya.
Miguel: At tinupad ko naman yon.
Aurora: Ayaw kay Miguel ng mga magulang ko noon. Naipangako ako sa ibang lalake at sa kanya ako nagpakasal.
Miguel: Pinangako ko kay Aurora noon, bago siya dalhin ng asawa niya sa Amerika, na kahit gaano katagal, hihintayin kong bumalik siya sa akin.
Aurora: 33 taon na kaming kasal ni Enrico nang kunin na siya sa akin. Malungkot sa Amerika, kaya matapos ang napakahabang panahon ay naisip kong umuwi ng Pilipinas.
Miguel: Ni minsan hindi ko naisip humanap ng iba, dahil alam kong kay Aurora lang ang puso ko. At kahit wala na akong balita sa kanya, naghintay ako. Sa puso ko alam kong babalik siya.
Aurora: Pagbalik ko ng Pilipinas, naikwento sa akin na si Miguel nga ay hindi pa nag-aasawa. Hinanap ko siya. At nang magkita na kami ulit.
Miguel: Niyakap ko siya ng mahigpit. Hindi ko na siya pakakawalan. Tatlumpung taon ako naghintay na siya ay bumalik. Nang makita ko siya muli, parang walang nagbago sa amin. Kung gaano niya ako kamahal noon, nakikita ko pa rin sa mga mata niya iyon. Masasabi kong, it was worth the wait.
Mitch: Suplada ang tingin ko kay Audrey nung high school kami. She was always hanging out with her sosyal na friends.
Audrey: Honestly, I didn't really know Audrey that well when we were in high school. I think she was always busy with her artsy friends.
Mitch: We got close na lang nung college. Kasi kami lang noon yung galing sa same school. Apart from being schoolmates, actually in college classmates kami.
Audrey: That's when we started being close. That's when I realized that I missed something in high school. She's really smart, attentive, she knows how to listen and she's really really nice.
Mitch: I knew si Audrey was gay. I've met her ex when we were in high school, but I didn't know I was too, until we got close.
Audrey: I think we were working on our term paper together when I decided to tell her that I was starting to like her. And as it turns out, she likes me too.
Mitch: It was a confusing time. And oo gusto ko siya, pero hindi ko alam kung may patutunguhan ba yung ganitong klase ng relationship. But she told me...
Audrey: I will never leave her. I'll take care of her.
Mitch: Funny how things turned out. Akala ko nun, she was just stalking me.
Audrey: I believe, it was fate.
Corrine: Niko is... shall we say eccentric.
Niko: Ako yung class clown noong college. Yung weird manamit. May weird na paniniwala sa buhay. Ako yung tipo ng class clown na madalas pinagtitripan ng mga kaklase. In short, loser.
Corrine: I never thought he was a loser. I mean pinaninindigan niya yung mga beliefs niya. Yung mga gusto niya.
Niko: Pero isa lang ang hindi ko kaya panindigan. Yun eh yung babaeng gusto ko.
Corrine: Actually, hindi talaga ako yung crush ni Niko. It was my sister. Yeah, I'll admit, my ate's sexy.
Niko: No. She's hot. But not as smokin' as you.
Corrine: Whatever. Anyway, si ate, she was never free. She always has a boyfriend. Never pa yata siyang naging single. When they break up, siguro mga 2 weeks lang, she has a new bf already.
Niko: Pero one time, pagkatapos nila magbreak nung isang ex niya, nagsimula ako manligaw. At that time sobrang dami pa ng insecurities ko sa buhay. Pero alam ko sa sarili ko, pag nagustuhan ko ang isang bagay, makukuha ko.
Corrine: To keep the story short nabasted si Niko. Hindi niya natanggap yon. Halos araw-araw he visits the house hoping to talk to Ate. Pero hindi sila magpangabot.
Niko: More like nagtatago sakin.
Niko: So kapag pumupunta ako dun, si Corrine yung laging nakakausap ko. Nung una, inaaway ko pa siya kasi nga feeling ko tinatago niya ate niya sa akin.
Corrine: But then one day, naisip kong kausapin ng masinsinan ito para maka move on na siya.
Niko: Araw araw pa rin ako pumupunta noon sa kanila after we talked. At first, hinahanap ko si ate niya, pero narealize ko isang araw, na hindi na talaga si Sharon yung pinupunta ko dun. Si Corrine na.
Corrine: And that's when he started to move on... with me.
Andrew: Maaga akong iniwan ng asawa ko. From cancer.
Brian: My girlfriend of 8 years left me, 5 months before our wedding. Sabi niya cold feet.
Andrew: Masakit yung maging biyudo. We've only been together for 7 years. Half of which was spent with her carrying the disease. Ang hirap na nakikita mong nasasaktan yung asawa mo. Nothing's more painful.
Brian: Masakit iwanan ng babaeng nangako sa'yo na habangbuhay kang mamahalin. Iiwan ka dahil hindi raw niya alam ang gusto niya. She needs to re-evaluate her goals. At ang mas masakit, yung malaman mo na hindi ka kasama sa mga plano niya sa buhay. 8 taon nasayang lang sa kanya.
Andrew: Jogging everyday is the only way to keep my mind from thinking of joining my wife up there.
Brian: Tumatakbo ako araw-araw dahil gusto kong makita ni Maureen kung ano yung tinalikuran niya.
Andrew: That's how I met Brian.
Brian: Halos pareho lang naman kami ng ruta araw-araw sa UP kung tumatakbo, kaya isang araw naisip naming magsabay tumakbo.
Andrew: And from there, our friendship started. Marami pala kaming pagkakatulad. Our love stories are pretty much the same. Although the circumstances are different, in essence pareho kaming iniwan ng mga mahal namin.
Brian: Hindi ko alam kung ano yung naramdaman ko kay Andrew nung nalaman kong magkatulad pala kami. Pero mas napalapit ako sa kanya nung nakilala ko siya.
Andrew: Until one day, we were watching a movie, I don't know why we chose that chick flick among all the films showing then.
Brian: Yun na lang yung pareho nating hindi napanuod that time.
Andrew: What was it? Just Like Heaven?
Andrew: In the middle of the film, Brian just held my hand. And until now I never let it go.
Oo na, keso na, nakakadiri, corny yung mga nakasulat sa taas. Nagpapakaemo nanaman si Gillboard. Pero sa lahat ng drama na nababasa natin sa news, sa blog, sa paligid natin these days, I think minsan refreshing yung makabasa ng mga love story.
Para maiba naman.
Dec 7, 2009
Lots and lots of uppers.
More than my following comfort activities.
Enchanted, Slumdog Millionaire and practically and Pixar movie on my collection never fails to make me smile. It makes me tear up a little, but they're feel good movies, so it makes me feel good. Even if it's just a little and even if it's just for a short time. I like films that make me laugh, it makes me forget of my problems for the next hour and a half to two hours. A sort of escape from reality. If the pick is a good movie, it's my stress reliever.
I'd drown myself in the songs of Jon Mclaughlin, James Morrison, Matt White, The Script, Lifehouse, Kings of Leon, Jamie Cullum and Snow Patrol. Yeah, some of the singers are known for being a bit emo, but what can I do, these songs lift my spirit a little. It makes me remember other things that make me happy and in turn distract me from my worries. Any good music you guys could recommend me listen to?
Ice cream and pizza mostly. Well, ice cream makes me happy. To hell with the calories and whatever eating brings If I'm depressed I'll go ahead and pig out. It might make me feel worse in the end, but at least I'm happy. I guess that's what's important right? Happiness. Drowning out the sorrow. Letting go. My budget til the next salary's keeping me from buying the food I like, so for now, I make do with coco jam and wheat bread.
Well not really that much now. The blogosphere's just filled with drama this past few weeks that it's affecting my mood. Not much in a positive way. It's good that I'm fairing better than some of the other writers out there, but still you can only deal with too much drama. But normally, If I want to perk myself up I open up other people's blogs if only to find something to nitpick a writer's grammar (kidding big time!!!). No really, it feels awesome to know that good things come to good people. Gives me hope something similar will happen to me.
HANGING OUT WITH FRIENDS
Just having someone to talk to is nice. A shoulder to lean my head on. Someone who'll listen to me rant about my lack of a lovelife. Or someone who'll just compete with me on whose life sucks more. They say you have the greatest friends when the only time they make you cry is when you're laughing so hard. That's what my friends are. It actually doesn't matter that none of them are like me, it just feels great being with them.
Any more uppers you can think of to help me? That'd be awesome.
Dec 6, 2009
Medyo aagahan ko na ang report card ko ngayong taon, kasi sa tingin ko wala namang mangyayari sa akin sa mga susunod na araw, dahil trabaho na lang naman ulit ang pagkakaabalahan ko. Kumusta nga ba ang 2009 para kay Gillboard, tingnan natin.
Hindi siguro matatawaran ang taong 2008 pagdating sa buhay-trabaho ko. Ano ba ang makakatalo sa pagpapadala sa'yo sa ibang bansa ng libre para magtraining diba? Pero meron ding malalaking mga pagbabago na nangyari sa akin ngayong 2009.
Lumipat ako ng Operating Unit sa kumpanyang pinagsisilbihan ko. At kasama ng paglipat na ito, ay ang malaking pagbabago ng schedule ko. Panggabi na ako. Call center na call center na ang pamumuhay ko ngayon. Pumapasok ng alas-nwebe, alas dyes ng gabi, at umuuwi ng umaga. Sa awa ng Diyos, eh nakayanan ko naman. Nasasanay na. May mga araw lang talagang ang hirap matulog.
Ayos naman pagdating sa trabaho. Sobrang busy nga lang, lunch na lang ako pwedeng mag internet. Bugbog na bugbog ako sa trabaho ngayon, at di na yata mawawala yun, pero kung para rin sa ikaaangat ng estado ko sa opisina yun, syempre I welcome the challenge.
SOCIAL LIFE 75%
Dahil nga sa panggabi na ako ngayon, eh hindi na ako nakakapagyayang gumimik tuwing Biyernes ng gabi. Namimiss ko ang amoy ng mga sinehan, ang Glorietta. Namimiss kong magtanghalian.
Nakakasama pa rin naman ako paminsan kapag nag-aaya ang aking mga kaibigan, ngalang pag weekends lang. Kahit mas masarap gumimik pag Biyernes ng gabi.
In fairness naman sakin, ngayong taon e dumami ang mga nakilala kong mga bloggers. Hindi man nila binabasa itong blog na ito, at least may nakilala ako. Hindi na dalawa ang mga kapwa ko manunulat na nakilala ko ng personal. Lima na. Improvement.
Tsaka isang pampalubagloob ngayon, eh kahit papaano nakakasama ko ngayon ang ilang mga kaibigang matagal ko ring hindi nakakausap.
Pasado na sana, kaya lang medyo sumablay noong isang linggo. Kaya ayun single nanaman ang inyong lingkod. Siguro mas okay na to. Hindi kumplikado. Kung nababasa ninyo ang mga plurk ko, eh medyo may kadramahan ang ilang naipost ko nitong mga nakalipas na araw.
Anyway, ang sabihin na malungkot ako ngayon eh medyo may katotohanan, malamig pa rin pala ang Pasko ko. Pero ayos lang, wag ipilit ang hindi pwede, ikanga. Let go and move on, hindi ibig sabihin na dahil nagtapos na ang isang pagmamahalan eh katapusan din ng mundo.
Syempre pasang-awa siya ngayon dahil kung ikukumpara noong isang taon, at least ngayon eh nagkaroon ako ng lablayp. At saka dahil na rin sa stress na dinala ng mga nakaraang araw, eh 5 pounds ang nawala sakin. Hehehe... konswelo de bobo na rin yun.
Medyo mataas ito dahil eto lang naman talaga ang isa sa mga aspeto ng buhay ko na medyo may katuturan. Hindi siya kasing taas kung ikukumpara noong isang taon na todo todo ang pagsusulat ko sa blog ko. Ngayon kasi linggo linggo na lang ako nagsusulat.
Nandyan pa't nagpaalam ako sa blogosperyo noong Agosto dahil naisipan kong magtayo ng isa pang tahanan kung saan lahat ng mga nangyayari sa buhay ko ay itinatala ko. Medyo enjoy naman ako doon sa isang bahay na yon. Wala lang.
Pero kaya mataas ang marka nito eh dahil kamakailan lang ay nadagdagan nanaman ng isang taon ang edad nitong blog na ito. Apat na taon na akong nagsusulat sa Gillboard, at kahit papaano naman ay maraming nakakaappreciate pa rin sa mga kwentong naisusulat ko dito, kahit hindi siya kasingdalas ng dati.
Pasensya nga lang kung hindi na ako kasingdalas bumisita sa mga dati kong binibisita, medyo ayun nga, busy lang. Tsaka yung iba naman hindi na rin madalas magsulat. Hehehe.
Isa pang bagay na dapat tinatanong kung ano yun?
Maganda ang simula ng 2009 sakin pagdating sa pera dahil medyo malaki-laki rin ang naipon ko. Hindi ko nga lang alam kung saan napunta yung ipon na yun pagdating ng gitna ng taon. Kung anu-ano ang mga pinamili ko. Bagong xbox. Stepper. Bagong cellphone (na di ko naman ginagamit na ngayon). Maraming pabango. Sapatos. Pero isang polo lang ang nabili kong damit ngayong taon. Mga original na bala ng xbox, na hindi ko rin masyadong nalalaro ngayon.
Overall, hindi masyadong pabor sa akin ang taon na ito. Mas maraming humamon sa aking pagkatao, pero ayos lang. Kung ang lahat ng yon eh ang magpapatatag sa'yo, go lang ng go. Di ko naman ikamamatay yon.
At saka kung hindi kagandahan itong taon na to, pansin ko lang, pag even number ang dulo ng taon, eh dun ako bumabawi.
Fingers crossed, sana maging mabait sakin ang 2010.
Dec 5, 2009
The heartbreak came not in ending a relationship. The heartbreak is because we had to end a wonderful friendship. This was a mutual understanding because things got so complicated between the two of us. Until this, I never knew how difficult going through a real heartbreak is. Specially when you both decide to end it, not because you hate each other, but because you both love each other so much you need to give way for the other to be happy.
Losing a great friend is always harder than having to go through a break up. It may be only a temporary thing, but when that person occupied a huge part of your heart, it's devastating. But from the start, when we started the relationship, we agreed we will do what is right. And if letting go is what will make that person happy, then I will give way.
I'm an eternal optimist, and I'm sure in time, I will be fine. But these days, I feel that all my tomorrows will be gray.
If there ever was a thing that I regret about the whole thing last night, it's that I wasn't able to properly say goodbye. I didn't want to cry again, that's what I've been doing since Wednesday. I hope my friend will be reading this, because this is the best way for me to say goodbye.
Every moment I spent with you, no matter how light or how heavy our conversations were, no matter how drama, emo, cheesy or crazy they all were, every one of those I'll keep in my heart. You make me happy and I will never ever forget you. I will miss all the long talks, all the kwento, corny jokes and the games we play over the phone.
Although we decided to part ways for the meantime, I will always be your friend. I will be here whenever you need someone to talk to. I look forward to the day when everything will be clear and we can go back to the way we used to be. No complications, only genuine friendship.
I wish you nothing but happiness. With or without me, I hope life will be good. I want you to enjoy your life. And I look forward to the day when you find out what you want in your life, even if that does not include me. Don't think of how people will see you, just do what makes you happy. And may you find the person that will complete you.
Just remember, I will always love you. Don't worry too much about me, like I promised I will be okay. It may take some time, but I'll get there. We will get there.
Thank you that even for a short time, you shared your life with me.
I look forward until the time we meet again.
Dec 3, 2009
So this post will be about the reason why Engel decided why it is better to have stayed single.
You see, Engel for most of the day is an optimist. He won't deny once PMS hits him, he'd sometimes think it's nice to be with a partner. But that doesn't mean he does not appreciate the alone time. He does. Remember, he broke up with his ex because he preferred to be alone. It's got it's perks too.
He wrote about this once. It may be redundant, but sometimes people need to reinforce the things in their lives that make them happy.
This is the first thing you lose once you decide to get hitched. You don't need to ask permission to go out with a friend. No need to tell someone what you're doing all the time. "I'm about to sleep. Eat. Go to work. I'm in the bus. I'm in the cab. Still in the cab. I'm about to start working. I'm going to pee. Take a crap. Whatever."
Not that Engel's stingy, because he's not. One time he spent alot of money to make the boy he likes happy (not in a sugar daddy kind of way, really). But it's nice to have your money for yourself. Not that the dates were expensive, they only ate out at Jollibee every breakfast. Dates are nice, and picking out gifts for the partner is even nicer, but sometimes it's also great to have money so you could buy that nice pair of shoes you've been drooling over for the last few months.
It's been two hours and Engel can't think of anything more. He knows there's more. And there probably is. But he decided he'll just do a part two some other time.
On a different note, Engel's been stressing out the past two days (because of an entirely different reason which now is not the right time to be telling). The problem is, he can't find a person to tell it to. And it's giving him a huge migraine. He was good at separating his work and personal problems, but yesterday was the breaking point.
He's been making decisions by himself and maybe that's why he's making mistakes. He finds it difficult not having someone to talk to who understands.
So for what it's worth, Engel wants to take this time to thank Ternie for listening yesterday and giving sound advise. Appreciate it. A lot.
Dec 2, 2009
Hindi ko alam kung bakit hindi ako matuto-tuto. Ilang beses na akong hindi nababayaran ng mga tao, pero hindi ko pa rin mapigilan ang sarili kong hindi magpahiram sa nangangailangan.
Hindi naman sa masama ang loob ko kapag may pinapautang ako. Kung meron namang extra, bakit ko ipagdadamot diba. Ang ikinakukulo ng dugo ko, eh kapag mahirap nang maningil.
Hindi ako mahirap utangan, yung mga di ko nga kilala ng personal (sa blog lang) nakakautang sakin. Kahit pa nagtatago na sila matapos mo silang pahiramin. Uy chismis!!! Anyway, ang nakakasama lang talaga ng loob yung tipong mangangako na sa ganitong araw ka babayaran, mag-ooffer pa ng interes, pero pagdating ng araw na yon, wala na. Wala kang maririnig ni ha ni ho.
Ayos lang naman sakin kung humingi ka ng dispensa dahil madedelay, pero yung totally hindi ka papansinin. Ang hirap ng mga taong ito singilin.
Iniisip ko ilan na ba ang hindi nagbayad sakin? Siguro kung iipunin lahat yun, may mga sampung libo na in total yung napahiram ko pero hindi na naibalik sakin.
Nandyan yung nanghiram ng isang libo, pagkatapos kinabukasan nag AWOL sa trabaho.
Andyan yung MGA nanghiram mula probinsya (partida pinaghanap pako ng mga yun ng Western Union o Lhuillier sa Makati) para lang ipadala yung ipapahiram, tapos ayun, strangers na.
Nariyan din yung talagang lumuhod pa sa harap ko para humiram ng limang daan tapos di na namamansin sa opisina.
Ewan ko kung paano ako nauto nung saleslady sa dating binibilhan ko ng comics, na nanghiram 2 linggo bago nagsara yung nasabing tindahan.
Ang sakit sa ulo.
Merry Christmas mga kapwa ko blogero!!!
Dec 1, 2009
Funny indeed that just a few months ago he was all ready to be in a relationship, but when the commitment came, things changed. He longed for solitude. He felt pressured. He felt something wasn't right.
Yeah, quitting may be the harshest thing to do, he could always try to reciprocate the love. And he would, but the thing is, Engel realized that at that moment, at this time, he's still not ready to give up the freedom that being single gives.
You can always say you're ready, but it's really different when you're there. Maybe that's what happens when you just jump into something you're not sure of. When you don't think. You think you're ready, but you realize you're not. It was fun. But then you realize that it's not enough. You realize that love's not all it's hyped up to be. That it takes alot of work, and you need to be fully committed. And questions begin to rise. Do you really love him? Are you giving enough? Are you really able to commit fully? Will you make your partner happy?
All he knows is, it didn't feel right. The decision to give up is not easy. It's never easy. You're the one who'll break a heart. People will think you're the bad guy. The reasons wouldn't be easy to understand, and there is a chance you'll end up regretting your decision.
But to be honest, Engel thinks that it is the right thing to do.
So yeah, he's single again. And it may be awhile before he commits again. If there would even be someone who'd think he's deserving to be loved.
Nov 29, 2009
Writing about it is much harder.
After four weeks, I broke it off. More like I requested for a cooling period.
Most of you'd be curious as to I why changed my mind when I was really in love with him in previous posts. That feeling was actually genuine. It was real. It was true.
I never doubted for a second how much he loved me. He makes sure that I know that everyday. When we're together, even if we're not. And I loved him for that. I was happy.
Sadly, the memories of the old me came lingering. It wanted to have some time alone. To be free. It felt contained. Pressured. And I realized that I am unable to give back everything he gives.
It would be unfair for him if I continue with this. I thought it would be better to break his heart while he still loves me, rather than end it because he's already sick of my inability to love him back. I love him, and I thought that was the best thing to do. I don't want to hurt him, but I feel that if I go on with it, I'll be hurting him even more. He probably hates me now.
I'm probably going regret this one of these days, but I think for now, this would be the best thing to do. I don't think I'll be in a relationship for a little while after this. I think the problem is me. I need to figure what I want much better before I enter into this again.
Cooling off. Breaking up. It's never an easy thing. Someone's bound to have a broken heart.
Nov 27, 2009
This is the first time he's had a long weekend in some time.
So he's doing what a decent yuppy does during these times.
And plays with his Xbox.
And sleeps some more.
And tries to catch up on Pinoy Big Brother.
He doesn't have alot of money anymore to go out on dates.
So Engel apologizes for not being able to bloghop these days.
He's just making the most out of his vacation.
And again, he's not on hiatus.
Not yet anyway, he's scared Rudeboy'll skin his parrot!
Nov 23, 2009
Pero as for now, since rinequest ni Wheezer na magpost ako tungkol dito, repost ko ang mga bagay na di ko mamimiss sa New Zealand.
Marahil marami akong naisulat na magaganda noong nakaraan tungkol dito, ngunit hindi iyon ang buong katotohanan. Marami ring kapintasan itong bansang ito.Tara, bilangin natin...
- Malungkot ang mga gabi. Walang magawa, dahil lahat sarado na pagtungtong ng alas-5 (alas-3 kapag linggo!!!)
- Hindi ko mamimiss ang ice cream ninyong tuluyang nagpataba sa akin. Hindi ko mamimiss and gingernut at spicy apple flavored ice cream ninyo na pagkamahal-mahal!!!
- Hindi ko hahanaphanapin ang reverse bungee ninyo, dahil di ko naman ito nagawa (sobrang nalasing ako sa wine para gawin pa yon nung huling gabi namin).
- Paano ko mamimiss ang NZ eh hindi naman kami lumabas ng Wellington!!!
- Natutuwa ako at malayo na ako sa mga mamahaling mga pagkain. P300 para lang sa matabang na tustadong tadyang ng manok!!! Ang tabang pa!!! Kung tutuusin, karamihan ng kinain namin dun, kami rin ang nagluto...
- Sobrang hindi ko rin mamimiss ang inyong mga drayber na walang personalidad!!! Di tulad dito na irate ang mga ito!!! Di pa kami mapipilitan na magpasalamat pagkatapos ang aming kasamahan ay sigawan!!!
- Hinding hindi ko din mamimiss ang inyong mga tupa. Dahil ang baho ng karne nila. Hindi na ako nakapag-ihaw sa stove dahil sa tuwing binubuksan ang stove, eh ang masangsang na amoy nito ang una kong napapansin.
- Hindi ko din mamimiss ang Parliament House ninyo dahil hindi kami pinayagan na makapag picture-taking sa loob nang ito'y nagkaroon ng open house!!!
- Hindi ko mamimiss ang mall ninyong ubod ng laki.
At ang bansa ninyong nuknukan ng lamig.
- Hindi ko mamimiss ang maglalakad lang papuntang opisina, hotel, supermarket, arena at kung saan saan pa. Mas gusto ko bumiyahe sa sasakyan!!!
- Hindi ko mamimiss ang manuod ng rugby kahit di ko naiintindihan ang mga rules ng laro!
- Hindi ko mamimiss lahat ng yan. Masaya ako sa Pilipinas. Ang mainit, kurakot, magulo, matao, at matraffic na Pilipinas. Dito lang ako...
This is all a lie... I so miss New Zealand!!!
- Busy with his love life.
- Busy playing Assassin's Creed 2, Dragon Age and Fallout 3.
- Finally, getting busy at work.
- Writer's block.
- Lack of sleep during the weekends.
- He's still contemplating whether to delete this blog or not.
- Stress from work.
- He realized his posts are shallow. As in really shallow. Most of the time.
- He's laying low again because someone's stalking him again.
- Maybe he's just tired.
Nov 19, 2009
ENGEL WILL BE BAD AT REMEMBERING DATES
He may not always remember when your anniversary is or occassionally forget that you have a weekend date on a particular Saturday or Sunday. It's not that he purposely forget these things, it's just he's brain damaged. His mind gets easily occupied of trivial stuff that sometimes he forgets the really important things. Be patient with him and oftentimes, he will make up for it with really awesome sexy time (just kidding). But he will make up for it.
HE'S A BAD DATE
If he doesn't talk too much during dates, it's not that he's bored or anything. He's just really quiet. That's why he prefers really talkative people to balance out his being quiet all the time. But he does listen. He will remember everything you said, specially if he thinks it's important. From time to time he will surprise you. He could be spontaneous too, you know. You just need to open yourself up a little. He will really appreciate that.
HE'S NOT THAT SWEET
He doesn't prefer public displays of affection, seeing how he is. You're likely only going to receive gifts during special occassions (birthday, anniversary, Christmas). He's not going to bombard you with I Love You's or I Miss You's nor will he baby talk with you all the time. He was used to the single life, and sometimes cuddling could be uncomfortable for him. He's not saying you have to get used to that, he's still learning. He may be 27, but that doesn't mean he knows everything. He's screwed up all his past relationships, but he is trying to change. It may take a long time, but he'll get there.
Sometimes he just doesn't know how to keep his mouth shut when it comes to his opinions. Oftentimes he delivers inappropriate jokes, and there's a chance that he could be a jerk. He's not spoiled, but he is an only child, so the tendency of him being a brat is kind of high. Sometimes he will be naive, unless you tell him, he wouldn't have a clue that you need/want something. He mostly jokes around, and alot of those times, he doesn't mean it. He just wants to make you smile, but if it doesn't work, or you're offended, he knows how to apologize.
This is not to say that you have to deal and get used to Engel's imperfections. He's just saying be patient with him. He's still learning. He's not that experienced in this kind of relationship. He's lived his life mostly on his own, and is still getting used to the idea of being with someone. But this imperfect boyfriend loves you. And he will love you. Always.
Nov 17, 2009
I created this for the sole purpose of anonimity. To write freely because nobody knows who I am. This has changed recently, either voluntarily or not. Not that I don't like people finally knowing who I really am (specially those who've been following my straight blog), but just like Ternie said on one of our conversations, bloggers are smart people and should not be underestimated.
Thankfully, those who know respect me enough to not spread the truth among other bloggers (not that everyone's interested). Anyway, with people knowing, the purpose of this blog has become moot. Not everyone knows who I am, but I guess I'm just being careful because if this spills out, I not only have blogfriends who read my other home. Family as well as friends who don't know the truth about me will know. And I don't really think I'm ready to announce that to the world yet.
Xtian did make a point earlier, when we were chatting, which actually got me thinking twice about making the decision. If it weren't for this blog then I wouldn't have met the people I've met. I've also said before that in creating this blog I'm actually looking forward to meeting people like me. Men who have a secret to protect, and I've achieved that goal by a hundredfold. I even met someone I love here. So throwing it all away to start something new would be stupid.
If ever I make that decision to end this blog it would really be hard. Please don't think I don't value the people I've met here, because I do. I appreciate all the help, all the advise, all the interactions I've had with the wonderful bloggers in this side of the blogosphere.
But before you react violently, let me tell you something about Engel's other personality/blog. Before creating this new home, he actually said goodby twice. But that blog up until now, is still active.
Who knows, right?
Nov 16, 2009
Unahin ko muna ang pagpapasalamat sa pagtangkilik sa mga kwentong fiction ko. Natutuwa ako't medyo maraming nakakaappreciate ng mga gawa ko, kahit pa merong mga isinusumpa ako dahil minsa'y naluha sila sa mga naisulat ko.
Mahilig talaga ako sa mga kwento. Noong nag-aaral pa lamang ako, ang madalas na pinakamatataas na marka ko eh ang Wika at Panitikan at Literature. Best in Reading pa nga ako noong nasa Kinder ako, kaya pinanindigan ko na yung strengths ko. Wala akong pakialam kung pasang-awa ako sa math, science, PE at Arts, basta ba nasa line of 8 ang grades ko sa Literature at Filipino. Dahil sa totoo lang dun talaga ako nag-eexcel.
Sabi ng nanay ko, bata pa lang ako, mahilig na talaga ako gumawa ng kwento. Ginagawan ko ng sarili kong istorya si Donya Buding tuwing matutulog kami. Pati sarili ko, ginagawan ko ng kwento. Naaalala ko pa nga, noong pre-school ako paniwalang-paniwala ang mga kaklase ko na pangatlo ako sa limang magkakapatid kasi ang dami kong kwento noon tungkol sa bawat isa sa kanila, kahit minsan pa, nagkakamali ako sa mga pangalan nila. Noong hayskul pa nga, doon sa prediction ng mga kaklase ko sa yearbook namin, isa akong best selling author dahil ginawan ko yung klase namin ng epikong maaaring ihalintulad sa Ibong Adarna. Yun lang ang ginagawa ko kapag may typing class kami.
Noong nasa kolehiyo at noong mga panahong wala pa akong trabaho, mayroon akong notebook kung saan ako nagsusulat ng mga kwento ko. Kwentong X-Men, Batman, kwentong comic book characters na inimbento ko, kwentong teleserye na pinagtripan ko (matatawa kayo kapag nabasa niyo yung mga alternate ending ng Mula Sa Puso, Esperanza at Villa Quintana). Lahat yun nakalathala sa mga luma kong notebook na hindi nasulatan.
Hindi ko alam kung bakit ito ang natripan ko. Pwede naman daw sports, libro, paggala, at gawaing teen-ager pero ang sumulat ng kwento ang naibigan ko. Sabi ng ilan kong kaklase, cool daw kahit may pagkaloser yung ginagawa ko. Kaya ipinagpatuloy ko.
INSPIRASYON NG KWENTOTERO
Sa maniwala kayo't sa hindi kadalasan ng mga kwentong nailalathala dito (at halos lahat ng mga nakasulat sa post ko) ay naisip ko habang ako'y nakaupo sa trono. Opo habang umeebak ako.
Ewan ko ba kung bakit ganun pero nagiging aktibo ang utak ko sa mga isusulat ko habang ako ay nakakulong sa banyo. Siguro dahil walang distraction na gumugulo sa train of thoughts ko. Yung mga pamatay kong linya (kung meron man), doon lahat nabubuo.
Minsan naman, naiisip kong gawan ng kwento yung mga bagay na nangyayari na napapansin ko sa paligid ko. Yung kwentong Lola ay hinango ko dun sa mag-inang nakasabay kong mag-almusal sa McDo noon. Ang saya saya kasi nila kaya inisip kong gawing miserable ang buhay nila. Ginawan ko ng kwento yung mga huling sandali bago bawian ng buhay yung pinsan ko. Ginawa kong mas detalyado yung kwentong Ondoy ng isang blogger na kaibigan ko. At ginawan ko ng posibleng kwento yung isang beses na may kumausap sa akin sa fx noon.
Sadyang malikot talaga ang utak ko.
Maraming salamat nga pala doon sa nagnominate sa akin bilang Filipino Blogger of the Week sa isang sikat na blog. Pasensya na kung hindi ako aktibo kung mangampanya para manalo. Ako nama'y ok lang na mapansin kahit hindi manalo. Naaappreciate ko ito, pero isang simpleng blogero lang naman ako na nagkukwento ng mga iniisip ko.
Bonus na lang sa akin kung may matawa, humanga, o magnominate sa akin sa mga parangal na gaya nito.
Gayunpaman, maraming salamat sa pagpansin, pagdalaw at pagbalik sa mumunting tahanan ko.
This weekend he spent most of his bonus buying original dvd's and xbox games. That's his Christmas gift to himself. Oh, and he bought a pair of shoes from his friend. Because said friend is strapped for cash and Engel does not know how to say no.
He bought an original copy of Dragon Age Origins and Tekken 6.
Tekken 6 just like it's predecessors look awesome. The gameplay's familiar and just everything about it is just as Engel remembered. He missed playing Jin, Eddie, Nina Williams, Xiaoyu, Hwoarang and every other player in the game. Brings back memories of high school.
It really would be better if he's playing with someone, but hey playing solo's fine as well. He needs to unlock some of the secret characters (if there are any) anyway. Plenty of things to do.
Dragon Age is an RPG in the same vein of Mass Effect, but instead of space, the game is set in ancient times. When dragons roamed the world. It's actually quite addicting. You'd want your character to continuously level up because that will unlock alot of the character's other abilities.
Just like Mass Effect, the game makes you choose your dialogue and may have an effect on where the story will go to. But he's only played the game for a little more than two hours. Still have alot to explore.
This game reminds him a little of The Lord of the Rings.
Engel's actually excited to buy Assassin's Creed 2 that'll be coming out this week.
Engel also bought pirated versions of Marvel Ultimate Alliance 2, Wet, Fight Night 4, Fallout 3, Street Fighter 4, and Borderlands. He's now looking for a copy of Brutal Legend. People say that it's actually very good.
Can anyone point Engel to the right direction where he could buy that title?
This weekend, Engel also bought a copy of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, Star Trek and Up. All three of which were some of Engel's favorite summer popcorn flicks.
He has yet to see them though. Been busy with the parties, meet-ups and video games that took most of his weekend off.
That's it for now. Engel's still sleepy. Weekends are supposed to let people get enough sleep, but this past few ones, he's barely slept at all. His eyebags are getting bigger and bigger, and pimples are one by one popping out of his face.
Can't wait for the US Thanksgiving Holiday. That would mean he could finally get that well deserved sleep.
Nov 13, 2009
Magdadalawang oras na kami sa loob ng restaurant. Hindi nauubos ang kwentuhan. Tungkol sa trabaho niya. Mga kalokohan namin noong nag-aaral pa kami. Mga ex niya. Mga lakad ko sa ibang bansa.
Pinapanuod ko si Laurie habang sinusubo niya ang kanyang pagkain. Ang sexy. Nakakaturn-on. Nakakapag-init ng damdamin. Hindi ko pa nararanasan ang ganito, kahit unang date lang namin ngayon.
Ang pula ng mga labi ni Laurie. Mestiza. Nang-aakit ang mga mata. Makinis ang balat. Kahit sinong lalaki mahuhulog talaga sa kanya. Naisip ko ang swerte ko ngayong gabi at ako ang kasama niya.
Ako na isang simpleng lalake lamang. Hindi gwapo. Hindi maganda ang katawan. Buti na lang at malakas ang sense of humor ko. Hindi ako nahirapang magpapansin sa kanya.
"Thank you Franco, I really enjoyed this dinner." sabi ni Laurie.
Matatapos na ba ang gabi? Ayoko pa sana.
"No, thank YOU. I enjoyed your company," sabi ko.
Ngumiti lamang siya.
Gusto ko siya. Nahulog na yata ako sa kanya. Sa isip ko, kailangan kong maging totoo sa kanya. Ayoko na magsinungaling.
Nag-iisip ako kung sasabihin ko ba sa kanya. Kapag nalaman niya ang totoo maaaring hindi na siya makipagkita sa akin. Baka hindi ko matikman ang kanyang mga labi. Baka hindi ko na mahawakan ang maganda niyang katawan. Baka magalit siya sa akin.
"There's something I have to tell you..." umpisa ko.
Nagtatanong ang mga tingin ni Laurie. Nalilito. Pero ngumiti siya.
"Sige, Franco. Tell me." sabi niya.
Nanlamig ang aking katawan. Tatanggapin niya kaya ang sasabihin ko. Magagalit kaya siya.
"Laurie, I'm married..." bulong ko.
Nakita ko ang pagkagulat sa mga mata ni Laurie. Tumingin siya sa baba. Nagalit yata.
Muling hinawi ni Laurie ang kanyang buhok at tumingin sa akin.
"Trade secret?" sabi niya.
Nilapit ni Laurie ang mukha sa akin, at pinagdikit ang aming mga pisngi. Bumulong siya sa akin...
"Me too," sabay balik sa kanyang pinagkakaupuan.
Bigla akong napangiti.
Engel during his late teens/early twenties was experimental. He wanted to experience things that he's never done before. That actually meant frequenting the mIRC chatrooms (Ternie, the technology is not that old, and I think it still exist).
During the early years of Engel's sexperimental stage, MMS and colored cellular phones weren't invented yet (and even when it did, only the coño kids had that). Anyway, so pic exchange before eyeballs weren't done yet. So the basis for him and his partners to meet would be the voice on the other end of the line. Fortunately, Engel had or has (?) a great voice on the phone. Add that he knew how to flirt effectively back then that he was able to hook up with guys people would consider as a good catch.
So every once in awhile, Engel would be lucky enough to be asked out either on a date or an eyeball. Whatever happens after is dependent as to how the meet up went. Engel's had plenty of indiscretions when he didn't know any better. Unfortunately, not alot of his trysts weren't successful.
Engel barely remembers alot of the people he's met up with. Only a few people did register in his mind because it was either really awesome or effin' bad. So this post is about the latter. Reminders of Engel's bad dates.
Okay, obviously this wasn't the guy's name. You know how people like to use false names to impress the prospect. Well, Iñaki used that one. He said he was from Ateneo, fair, lean and that he's in his early 20's. Over the phone, the guy actually sounded okay. His english wasn't as proficient as you'd expect from an Atenean but he could talk in straight english if you don't mind the grammatical errors every other sentence.
So anyway, the guy was sweet and was sensible enough that Engel got interested to meet up. Then when the day came that Engel and Iñaki saw each other, Engel's jaw dropped. Iñaki is actually in yuckie! Well he is fair. But he also never outgrew the pimples stage of his youth. He had piercing all over his face, and he definitely didn't look Atenean. He looked like a really dirty mestizo, whatever that means.
During that time, Engel was still a little more presentable (meaning he looked less stressed out). So the date actually found him suitable. Yuckie actually wanted to display affection in the middle of Sbarro back then. But the writer resisted. Yuckie definitely wasn't Engel's type. So Engel ate quickly, while the date was still finishing his meal, Engel excused himself to go to the johns, but went for the exit.
Engel was a huge ass back then.
Straight off the bat, Ryan only wanted sex. And when Engel met Ryan, he was kinda in the mood to indulge. Since they actually live in neighboring villages, Engel decided he will go.
So at 2 in the morning, Engel sneaked out of the house to meet up. The bad thing about sending messages during midnight is you get your little head do the thinking and not factor in everything else. So when he arrived at Ryan's house, he was surprised at who welcomed him.
You see Engel forgot to ask for Ryan's details. Height. Weight. Looks. He let his dick point the directions, and the destination was hell. Ryan was an obese fag who looked like a ninja turtle. Engel was trapped. He can't back out anymore. So he got pulled in.
Ryan tried to kiss Engel on the lips. It may have been oily. Since Ryan was much bigger than Engel, he wasn't able to do anything with the guy's groping and kissing. When Engel's shorts were pulled down, nothing came up. Engel's other head was limp. Ryan ordered the writer to get his hard, but it never happened.
When Engel couldn't take the harassment anymore, he pulled up his pants and left.
This is already a long post. Engel still have a few stories to tell. But it will be for another time. But for now, this will have to do.
Engel is not promiscuous. He's had quite a number of epic failed meet ups that it traumatized him. His trysts period did not last very long.
Nov 11, 2009
Ang gusto ko lang naman ay mahalin ako. Hindi ako guwapo. Hindi ako matipuno. Hindi ako matalino. Okay, matalino ako ng kaunti. Hindi rin ako maghahangad ng mga ganung tao. Basta ba tanggap mo ang mga topak ko, ang puso ko'y iyung-iyo.
Ang gusto ko lang naman ay mahalin ako. Hindi ko kailangan ng mamahaling regalo. Hindi ako maghahangad na ipakilala mo sa mundo. Hindi mo nga kailangang araw-araw kausapin ako. Basta hawak ko ang mga kamay mo, maligaya na ako.
Ang gusto ko lang naman ay mahalin ako. Hindi mo kailangang gustuhin ang mga pinagkakaabalahan ko. Hindi nga kita kukuliting basahin ang mga sinusulat ko. Hindi din kita pipiliting mahalin ang mga mahal ko. Basta papasukin mo ako sa mundo mo, okay nako.
Ang gusto ko lang naman ay mahalin ako. Hindi ako perpektong tao. Ako'y nagkakamali. Natutukso. Nabuburaot. Nababato. May pagka-ugaling manyakis din ako. Pagalitan mo man ako, basta ba kakampihan mo ako, pipilitin kong kahit papano'y magbago.
Ang gusto ko lang naman ay mahalin ako. Ipakita mong interesado ka. Iparamdam mong mahal mo ako. Yun lang ang kailangan mong gawin, mahuhulog na ako. Ang gusto ko lang naman ay mahalin ako.
Engel wanted to write something different. He needs to make up for the five days that he's been gone from his blog. He's not being emo, nor does this post mean anything. But the words have been running in his head since this morning.
Engel doesn't write in Filipino very often. He has another venue for these kinds of posts. But he just wants to do something new.
Engel sucks at poetry, and this is his lame attempt at writing one.
Nov 10, 2009
Please don't think that Engel hasn't been posting because of his newfound love. Oh no. He's got alot of ideas running in his mind right now about things he should write about. He's got rough drafts of some things he wants to talk about (not necessarily about his lovelife), but just can't finish, or when he reads the post back, the execution of the post is not as great as he intended it to be so he just deletes the whole thing.
He doesn't want to write about his love life, because apparently, Beki finds it nauseating. Don't take that seriously please, that's just a joke. All Engel wants is World Peace and a kick-ass home entertainment system.
Now he doesn't want to write about anything else going on in his life because frankly it's boring. Other than his lovelife nothing significant is happening in his life. Well, there's actually one thing but that's a post that will be written in the far future. Way far into the future. Like 2-3 years into the future.
He could write about sex, but that's something he promised never to do, whether it's in this blog or on another. He doesn't kiss and tell. He wants to though. Maybe he should create another new blog. For those kinds of posts. And this time make it really anonymous, and cross his fingers that that one really sticks.
Or maybe he could repost some of his old works here just to see if his posts back in the days would still be applicable now. But then again, alot of his good posts have been reposted already, on his multiply, myspace even in his same old blog. He doesn't want this blog to be home of his former posts. He wants this to have all new posts.
Then there's Joy. Engel is always fond of writing about Joy. He's not in love with the guy anymore, it's just posts about Joy tend to be easy and light and comfortable. But he doesn't want a certain someone to get jealous. We're just friends.
What to write? What to write?
Writer's block. Wikipedia defines this as a condition, in which the author loses the ability to produce new work. Yeah, right writer's block his ass. Engel's probably still in love. Yeah Beki, you can go ahead and puke. =)