Mga Sumasampalataya

Feb 28, 2015

ANDREW

Nasaktan na ang puso ko.

Yung sakit, yung tipong hindi ka makatulog. Hindi makakain. Hindi makahinga. Hindi makagalaw. Yung tipong ayaw mo nang mabuhay dahil sa sakit. Gusto mong matapos na ang buhay mo dahil di mo na alam kung may pupuntahan ka pa dahil wala na siya.

Pero isang araw, wala na yung sakit.

Makakalimutan mo siya. Makakahanap ka ng dahilan para ituloy ang buhay.

Iba ang sakit ko.

Yung sakit na tipong hindi ka makatulog. Hindi makakain. Hindi makahinga. Hindi makagalaw. Yung tipong ayaw mo nang mabuhay dahil sa sakit. Gusto mo nang matapos ang buhay mo dahil ayaw mo nang maramdaman ang tunay na sakit. Dahil hirap ka na. Literal na wala ka nang pag-asa. 

Cancer.

May taning na ang buhay ko.

Buwan. 

Linggo. 

Araw. 

Anumang minuto, maaari na akong kunin ni Lord.

Nakajackpot ako sa Lotto ng Diyos. Bronchial Cancer. Isa sa pinakamalalang klase ng cancer.

Lotto o sadyang kagagawan ko. Naging pabaya ako sa buhay ko. Yosi dito. Isang kaha isang shift. Kalahating kaha bago matulog. Kalahati paggising.

Ngayon, 19 years matapos kong matuto manigarilyo, dama ko na ang kinahinatnan ng bisyo ko.

Apat na buwan na nakaratay sa maliit na higaan. Ilang araw  na hikbi at tunog ng makina lang ang naririnig ko. 

Pilit ko mang buksan ang aking mata, tanging mga anino lang ang aking nakikita. Alam kong pamilya ko ay nasa aking tabi, nagdarasal kahit di ko maintindihan ang aking naririnig.

Ayaw ko na.

Suko na ako.

Konti na lang ang lakas ko.

****************

"Ma, si Kuya gumagalaw!!! Bumubukas na ang mga mata niya!!!" 

Dali-daling lumapit ang pamilya ni Andrew sa kanya.

Kapit kamay ang pamilya habang pinapaligiran ang higaan. 

Ilang saglit pa ay pumasok ang doktor upang tingnan ang kalagayan ng pasyente. 

Umiling ito.

Umatras ang doktor at hinayaan ang pamilya na makasama ang kanilang mahal.

Pilit na tinataas ni Andrew ang kanyang kamay, naghahanap ng makakapitan.

Kinuha ng ina ang kamay nito.

****************

Sa unang pagkakataon matapos ang ilang linggo, bumalik lahat ng lakas ko.

Malinaw kong nakikita ang pamilya ko.

Mama.

Mahigpit niyang hawak ang kamay ko...

"Andrew, we're here... We lo...





Feb 24, 2015

33

Today I have the right to:

-pig out
-be lazy
-sleep all day
-play video games whenever
-complain
-forget about my diet and have a cheat week!!!

because it's my birthday!!!

33 na ako!!!

Jan 22, 2015

SARAP KAYA MAGTRENTA

Di ako makapaniwala na dati, takot ako na magtrenta.

Noong teenager ako hanggang early 20s, ito yung pinakakinatatakutan ko, umabot sa edad na trenta.

Dati, feeling ko ang tanda tanda na ng mga taong nasa edad na 'to. Nakakadiri sila kasama. Hindi sila cool. Dasal ko, na forever 20s na lang ako.

Almost three years ago, naging 30 nako. Hindi ako nagcelebrate, dahil natatakot ako. Dumating na ang ika tatlong dekada ng buhay ko. Pero imbes na madepress, nagulat ako, di ako sobrang nadisappoint.

At kahit lumipas ang tatlong taon, mas natutuwa ako ngayon na nasa trenta na ako.

I love my thirties!!!

Hindi ko alam kung bakit, pero mas masaya ako ngayon.

Wala na akong angst sa buhay.

At kahit medyo mataba ako ngayon, feeling ko, ngayon ako talaga pinakagwapo.

Sabi nga nila, with age comes wisdom, at ngayon ko napapatunayan yan.

Hindi na ako nagpapakangarag sa mga simpleng bagay. Mas mataas na ang confidence ko. May pera na ako. Mas may kalayaan gawin ang gusto ko. At may sex life ako.

Baka iniisip niyo na nasasabi ko lang 'to dahil may Kasintahan ako, pero sa totoo lang, kahit siguro single ako, I'll be fine in my 30s. Maaaring hindi kasing saya, pero mahahanapan ng paraan yan.

Lahat naman 'to eh depende rin sa pananaw natin sa buhay. Pero marami akong kilala na katulad ko o mas matanda pa, na sobrang nag-eenjoy sa kanilang 30s.

Sabi nga namin, if we had the confidence of our 30-year old selves and the body of our 20s, life would be more perfect. Pero... nagagawan yan ng paraan!!!



Dec 30, 2014

BEST OF 2014

I'm not going to wait for the year to end to post this. I have work on the 31st so I don't think I will be able to have the time to write a post then. So I'll write this while working on Rizal Day.

All images captured from Google.

BEST MOVIE (International)
LAST YEAR: Gravity

The best film is the type of film wherein days after you've seen it you still think about what you saw and it still gives you the chills. Whether it's how awesome the characters are or how disturbing the story was, it still leaves something. Gone Girl is my best movie of 2014. What a disturbing movie!!! I watched it twice and in both showing, I notice how everyone in the cinema were really talking seriously about what they just saw. It was disturbing. It was emotional. It was shocking. It was a very very effective film. On facebook, whenever I post about a film I just saw, I normally just get likes, but when I posted about this, people really wanted to discuss the movie. You don't really get that a lot. And for that reason alone is why Gone Girl is my best film of the year.
RUNNER UP: Captain America: Winter Soldier


BEST MOVIE (Local)
LAST YEAR: OTJ

I know in terms of quality, the indies take the cake for brilliance in the local film scene. But in all honesty, I have not been exposed to it as much as I want to. But to be honest, 2014 hasn't really been a good year for us in terms of quality films. Even the indies had fewer noteworthy titles to choose from. So bear with me as my pick this year is reflective of the mainstream Pinoy films that we all love to hate. But then again, truth is we still pay to see these films. We swoon when we see kilig moments. And we still smile watching all the same cliche's film after film after film. Honestly, all Pinoy films tell the same story but with only different actors. Okay, enough ranting. The best of all jologs Pinoy cheesy films of 2014 is Starting Over Again. And I choose this solely because I love Toni Gonzaga.
RUNNER UP: Bride For Rent


GAME OF THE YEAR (Console)
LAST YEAR: Grand Theft Auto V

2014 is the start of the current generation of consoles, so it's quite understandable that the games are not of the same standards as the brilliant games that came out last year. Honestly, this year only 2 games are vying for the title of the best game of 2014. A choice between gameplay innovation and sheer size. Admittedly, Shadow Of Mordor's Nemesis system is the best thing to come out of video games this year. It gives players the ability to tell it's own story uniquely his. But Dragon Age: Inquisition consumed most of my idle time ever since I bought the game a few weeks ago.  I have poured in 60 hours into this game and I don't think I'm halfway done. There are literally tons of things to do in this game world and it's clearly worth what I paid for. Oh and just like with previous Bioware Games that I choose to win GOTY, it really helps that they let players have gay sex.
RUNNER UP: Middle Earth: Shadow Of Mordor


GAME OF THE YEAR (Handheld)
LAST YEAR: Tearaway

I bought my PS4 this year, and have played no other console as much as I did with my PS4. So my choice for Game Of The Year for Handhelds for 2014 is the only game that I played the most. Nintendo is great at creating games that allow you to kill time. With titles like Mario Kart, Smash Bros, Pokemon or even Animal Crossing, you could literally lose thousands of hours playing those games. But my 2014 Handheld game of the year is nothing like the innovative games I mentioned above. It's a return to form for classic JRPGs. Bravely Default is the best turn based RPG I have played since the time of the PS2 era JRPGs. It's tactical, challenging, and really addictive. I love getting new costumes as that meant that I will have new abilities. The characters are charming and funny and it has a very Japanese story which is quirky, imaginative and confusing as shit. Just how I like my Japanese Role Playing Games.
RUNNER UP: The Walking Dead: Season 2


BEST OF TV DRAMA 
LAST YEAR: The Good Wife

So the past few years I have been skipping on this show as the best US Drama series because there have been a lot of outstanding shows. That's why I think I've given this award to almost all of the best shows out there. That's why this year, I'm giving the award to one of my favorite shows of all time. Shameless. It's a family dramedy about a VERY dysfunctional family. The show is so taboo I don't think this will ever be allowed to be shown in our country. Regardless, the show is damn funny, brilliantly acted, and just like drugs, is so addictive. It is tasteless sometimes. It is filled with morally questionable characters and your heroes are pretty much all criminals in the making, but they are the most relatable and likeable characters on tv. I fucking love Shameless!!!
RUNNER UP: Game Of Thrones

BEST OF TV COMEDY
LAST YEAR: The Mindy Project

I am no longer the target market of MTV. I actually want to puke whenever I see something teenybopper on television these days. So imagine my surprise when I found myself glued to the television watching this year's winner. Faking It. It's a show about a couple of high school girls faking being lesbians so they will become famous in school. Just like the usual coming of age stories, one of them turns out to really be gay and falls in love with the best friend. But as cliche as this story gets, it's actually funny and it doesn't take itself too seriously (hello Glee). The show, now on it's second season, has now moved on from it's original premise and I think is getting better for it. This show may never win an Emmy, but I think it's the closest we'll get to seeing how American teenagers really are this generation. It's a cool show.
RUNNER UP: The McCarthy's


BEST OF TV (Local)
LAST YEAR: Got To Believe

What is a Gillboard Best Of post without an appearance of something directed by Cathy Garcia Molina. It would be nothing. And this year, I'm giving out the recognition of Best Pinoy TV Series to Forevermore. I love how this show makes me feel younger. It is a very Pinoy Soap Opera. It checks on a lot of boxes in the How To Make a Teleserye Handbook. The poor girl / rich guy love story. The evil future mother in law. The scene stealing supporting characters. The funny barkada of the guy. The third party. I'm pretty sure someone will get kidnapped by the end of this show. But then again, even if you do it, if you do it right. Get the script right. Get the chemistry right. Filipinos will buy the shit you throw at them. Unfortunately, I'm one who buys those shit. And come on, there really isn't anything really good on Philippine TV apart from our news and current affairs stuff. Is there? Anyway, back to Forevermore. What I like about it, is that it's smart enough that even if it ticks all those soap opera cliches, it gives us a bit of a twist that keeps us guessing if what we predicted will come true or not.
RUNNER UP: The Voice Of The Philippines


BEST IN MUSIC
LAST YEAR: Just Give Me A Reason

Let me be predictable for once. I like me some melancholy songs. And my song of the year goes to a singer who really writes great sad songs. The male or gay version of Adele as they say. Sam Smith's Stay With Me resonates for a number of  reasons. One, the song is really really relatable. Who among us have that one night stand that we wished was not just? Oh god, if I heard that song like 8 years ago, I would have sung that to that unforgettable one night stand. Two, Sam Smith. Wow, that voice!!! You could really feel his emotions in all of his songs. He's my favorite artist this year, bar none. Three. It was not overplayed unlike John Legend's theme song of the year. Four. It's just one song from an album that's full of great music. Actually, let me take back the award from Stay With Me. The Best In Music this year for me is anything from Sam Smith.
RUNNER UP: Ed Sheeran Thinking Out Loud


BLOG OF THE YEAR
LAST YEAR: Wickedmouth

I know I haven't been the most active blogger this year. I think I visit only a handful of blogs. And let's be honest, there haven't really been a lot of active bloggers anymore. The greats have now moved on  to better things in life. But there's been no one really who's been as consistent in writing posts as this year's winner. Regardless the posts are read or not, he still writes. I heard it's something he needs to do. For me, he is the epitome of the adage, "we write to express, not to impress". He's one blogger that I have known from like when I started blogging a few years ago, yet, he's someone I've never actually met in person. I admire this blogger because it is difficult to find things to write, but he never seems to fail to find one. From trysts, to heartbreaks, his job, to family matters. They may sometimes be deep, but they are very well written. I have given this award to people who are no longer in the blog world, but I'm quite positive, we'll be seeing his posts for quite some time more. Cheers Kuya Joms of L'Heure Bleue
RUNNER UP: Geosef's Alphabet

Dec 10, 2014

BEST OF 2014 NOMINEES

Continuing my year end tradition of naming the Best of The Year.

What is your choice? Point out if I missed something. Comment below, let me know.

Best Movie (International)

Guardians of the Galaxy
Captain America: The Winter Soldier
Gone Girl
Grand Budapest Hotel
Boyhood
The Lego Movie

Best Movie (Local)

Bride For Rent
Starting Over Again
1st Ko Si 3rd
Dementia

Game of The Year (Console)

Dragon's Age: Inquisition
Far Cry 4
Infamous: Second Son
Middle Earth: Shadow of Mordor
Alien: Isolation

Game of The Year (Handheld)

The Walking Dead Season 2
Bravely Default
Freedom Wars
Fantasy Life
Tomodachi Life

Best Of TV Drama (International)

The Good Wife
Game Of Thrones
Shameless
Orange Is The New Black
Homeland

Best Of TV Comedy (International)

The Mindy Project
The McCarthy's
Faking It
Modern Family
Brooklyn Nine Nine
Last Week Tonight With John Oliver

Best Of TV (Local)

Forevermore
The Voice Kids
Two Wives
Pure Love

Best In Music

All About That Bass (Meghan Trainor)
Wiggle (Jason Derulo)
Chandelier (Sia)
Stay With Me (Sam Smith)
Rude (Magic)
Shake It Off (Taylor Swift)

Blog Of The Year

Citybuoy X City Songs
Geosef's Alphabet
Skeletons In My Closet
Wickedmouth
L'Heure Bleue



Nov 26, 2014

BAKIT DI SIYA BUMABA NG SASAKYAN

20 seconds na kaming nakapark sa harap ng bahay ko.

Hindi kami gumagalaw.

Hindi nagsasalita.

Nakakabingi ang katahimikan.

"Are you coming in?" kailangan ko nang basagin ang katahimikan.

Tahimik pa rin siya. Huminga ng malalim.

"I don't think it's working out,"

I knew this was coming. Tahimik siya buong gabi. Alam kong may nagbago. Anim na buwan kong ineexpect ito. Simula nang naging kami.

"Girl or guy?" tanong ko.

Tiningnan niya ako. May galit sa kanyang mga mata. Pero sumuko din siya. He expected this too.

"Girl."

Di ko alam kung ano ba ang dapat kong maramdaman. Galit. Lungkot. Poot.

Pinaghandaan ko itong usapan na ito. Pero iba pala talaga kapag nandyan na yung moment na kinatatakutan mo.

"We talked about this bago ka umoo. Sabi mo sigurado ka."

"I know, and I meant it when I said it... But... I don't know... I'm sorry."

"Alam mo na masasaktan ako."

"I know... I'm sorry..." lang ang kaya niyang sabihin.

Nabulag ako sa pagmamahal ko sa kanya. Hinayaan kong umabot kami dito. Hindi siya kagaya ko. Alam ko na babae ang hanap niya. Pinilit ko to. Pero nangako siya.

"Sinabi mo sigurado ka. Nangako ka."

Hindi ko na kinaya. Tumulo na ang luha ko. Bumigay ako.

"I'm sorry. I did not expect to have this feeling. I love you. Please know that it's still true... Pero I can't help it. Lalake pa rin ako."

"Fuck you!"

"Alam ko, I disappointed you. But alam mo deep down, that this would be temporary. I guess kasalanan ko na naging mahina ako when Emily broke up with me. I should not have said yes. Di kita dapat pinaasa. Pero you knew what you're getting into when you asked to be in a relationship with me. Lalake tayo pareho. Well... Straight ako. And you know eventually this moment will come."

Dito magtatapos ang panaginip ko.

Six months.

Nangarap ako ng mataas, so now I'm falling down really fast.

"You said you wanted this too."

"I was lonely... Like you." sagot niya.

"You do know you won't be able to undo everything that we did together."

Tinitigan niya ako. Alam niyang tama ako.

"Pumatol ka sa bakla.

"Bakla ka na. At kahit na ilang beses mo ifuck yang girlfriend mo... you know deep inside bakla ka. Bakla ka pa rin."

******************************
Dahil ang daming naghihiwalay ngayon. Hindi ako makikisali sa totoong buhay... Pero just wanted to write a breakup story.

Nov 25, 2014

THE BIG VIDEO GAME POST


Quick Reviews of this year's biggest video games...

Dark Souls 2 (PS3)

This game is notorious for being a very difficult game. It is frustrating and it's definitely catering to hardcore gamers only. But that is the reason why this game is also a satisfying game to play. Every small kill is a victory, and when you level up, you really feel your strength and abilities are increasing. But it's still one hard game to play.

Infamous: Second Son (PS4)

Technically, nothing beats this game aesthetically. Their version of video game Seattle is really gorgeous! The colors are so alive, that if you're epileptic, you'll probably have an episode everytime you play Second Son. But for a huge sandbox game, there isn't really that much to do. Delsin's story is not that interesting. He does have a cool power set though.

Watch Dogs (PS4)

This game suffered from being overhyped. My initial excitement for this game was through the roof just because the demo/trailer for this game made us feel that Watch Dogs will be revolutionary. Unfortunately, the end product felt like a poor man's Grand Theft Auto. The game was so simple. The hero, bland and the story was not that interesting. It's a huge sandbox game though, so there were tons of things to do in Chicago. But it brings nothing new to action games.

Destiny (PS4)

This was my first experience in playing a Massive Multiplayer Online Game. Of all first person shooter games that I've played, this has the tightest controls. The world is big. But this is an empty game. There is no story. It asks you to do only one thing, no matter what planet you're in. And it's really boring. The only reason I play Call of Duty type games is the story, and this one fails miserably on that point. Too bad, I liked the world I was in, the short time I played this game.

Middle Earth: Shadow of Mordor (PS4)

This year's most innovative game for sure. The nemesis system is the one thing all games should have moving forward. While, this only asks of you to kill orcs and uruks for the duration of it's whole game, it does so with some really original tweaks. If you fail to kill one orc, when you die, he gets promoted. He becomes more powerful and he will remember what he did to you. Same thing happens if you let one escape or live, the next time you meet, he will bear the scars from your last encounter. Yeah, it plays a little bit like Assassin's Creed, but the game is so immersive, you wouldn't mind doing the same chore over and over again.

Alien Isolation (PS4)

Alien Isolation is fucking scary!!! Do not believe the reviews about this game that gave it a ridiculously low score. It is a game that you have to really experience to enjoy. I spent most of the game crouched and walking slowly, because I get paranoid. The alien AI is really smart, and unpredictable, that you really feel the stress of the character you're playing. But it still lets you enjoy the beauty of space, before it scares the living shit out of you again.

Assassin's Creed Unity (PS4)

Due to the influx of games the last few weeks, I haven't really played a lot of this game. I think maybe I'm about 10 hours into the story. But man, Paris is big and beautiful. Yes, this game is full of bugs (one time the game crashed when I jumped down a small box). And yes, last year's Black Flag was miles better than this one. But it's still Assassin's Creed. Parkouring around Paris is still awesome. And the sheer number of non playable characters in this game is massive. But, I'll get back to this one after I finish all the other games I purchased.

Dragon Age: Inquisition (PS4)

It's been one whole year since the PS4's launch, and it's only now that we get our first real western RPG. Let me tell you, the game is worth the wait. Among my latest purchases, this was the one I spent the most number of hours in. Inquisition is one massive RPG. I spent approximately 15 hours just wandering around The Hinterlands without progressing through the story. Doing quests have weight in your plight as an Inquisition Leader. And the lore... I think, the content in all of Ferelden could fill a book as thick as the bible. Game of the year contender for me.

Far Cry 4 (PS4)

They say that this is the same game as Far Cry 3 only in a different setting. They say it as if it's a criticism. But why tamper with a formula when there's nothing wrong with it. Far Cry 4 is crazy!!! I've only put in a few hours on this game, but let me tell you, crazy thing s have already happened in the few hours I played it. One of my first missions is to liberate a camp that was invaded by a rival group. Since I only started, I didn't have a lot on my player yet. I spent a few minutes hunting animals so I can ungrade my weapon holster, wallet and loot bag so when I get to that camp, I'm prepared. But lo and behold, when I get to that camp, it was already being liberated... by a couple of elephants. Elephants!!! Crazy, right?! Now why would you change something as unique as a Far Cry experience?

Alright, this year, I think I spent roughly about 50k on games alone.

And I'm wondering why I have not had any savings yet in my name.

Nov 11, 2014

NINE YEARS

Dahil ngayon ang ika siyam na anibersaryo ng blog na ito... magpopost ako.















Happy Anniversary to me!!!