Mga Sumasampalataya

Nov 26, 2014

BAKIT DI SIYA BUMABA NG SASAKYAN

20 seconds na kaming nakapark sa harap ng bahay ko.

Hindi kami gumagalaw.

Hindi nagsasalita.

Nakakabingi ang katahimikan.

"Are you coming in?" kailangan ko nang basagin ang katahimikan.

Tahimik pa rin siya. Huminga ng malalim.

"I don't think it's working out,"

I knew this was coming. Tahimik siya buong gabi. Alam kong may nagbago. Anim na buwan kong ineexpect ito. Simula nang naging kami.

"Girl or guy?" tanong ko.

Tiningnan niya ako. May galit sa kanyang mga mata. Pero sumuko din siya. He expected this too.

"Girl."

Di ko alam kung ano ba ang dapat kong maramdaman. Galit. Lungkot. Poot.

Pinaghandaan ko itong usapan na ito. Pero iba pala talaga kapag nandyan na yung moment na kinatatakutan mo.

"We talked about this bago ka umoo. Sabi mo sigurado ka."

"I know, and I meant it when I said it... But... I don't know... I'm sorry."

"Alam mo na masasaktan ako."

"I know... I'm sorry..." lang ang kaya niyang sabihin.

Nabulag ako sa pagmamahal ko sa kanya. Hinayaan kong umabot kami dito. Hindi siya kagaya ko. Alam ko na babae ang hanap niya. Pinilit ko to. Pero nangako siya.

"Sinabi mo sigurado ka. Nangako ka."

Hindi ko na kinaya. Tumulo na ang luha ko. Bumigay ako.

"I'm sorry. I did not expect to have this feeling. I love you. Please know that it's still true... Pero I can't help it. Lalake pa rin ako."

"Fuck you!"

"Alam ko, I disappointed you. But alam mo deep down, that this would be temporary. I guess kasalanan ko na naging mahina ako when Emily broke up with me. I should not have said yes. Di kita dapat pinaasa. Pero you knew what you're getting into when you asked to be in a relationship with me. Lalake tayo pareho. Well... Straight ako. And you know eventually this moment will come."

Dito magtatapos ang panaginip ko.

Six months.

Nangarap ako ng mataas, so now I'm falling down really fast.

"You said you wanted this too."

"I was lonely... Like you." sagot niya.

"You do know you won't be able to undo everything that we did together."

Tinitigan niya ako. Alam niyang tama ako.

"Pumatol ka sa bakla.

"Bakla ka na. At kahit na ilang beses mo ifuck yang girlfriend mo... you know deep inside bakla ka. Bakla ka pa rin."

******************************
Dahil ang daming naghihiwalay ngayon. Hindi ako makikisali sa totoong buhay... Pero just wanted to write a breakup story.

Nov 25, 2014

THE BIG VIDEO GAME POST


Quick Reviews of this year's biggest video games...

Dark Souls 2 (PS3)

This game is notorious for being a very difficult game. It is frustrating and it's definitely catering to hardcore gamers only. But that is the reason why this game is also a satisfying game to play. Every small kill is a victory, and when you level up, you really feel your strength and abilities are increasing. But it's still one hard game to play.

Infamous: Second Son (PS4)

Technically, nothing beats this game aesthetically. Their version of video game Seattle is really gorgeous! The colors are so alive, that if you're epileptic, you'll probably have an episode everytime you play Second Son. But for a huge sandbox game, there isn't really that much to do. Delsin's story is not that interesting. He does have a cool power set though.

Watch Dogs (PS4)

This game suffered from being overhyped. My initial excitement for this game was through the roof just because the demo/trailer for this game made us feel that Watch Dogs will be revolutionary. Unfortunately, the end product felt like a poor man's Grand Theft Auto. The game was so simple. The hero, bland and the story was not that interesting. It's a huge sandbox game though, so there were tons of things to do in Chicago. But it brings nothing new to action games.

Destiny (PS4)

This was my first experience in playing a Massive Multiplayer Online Game. Of all first person shooter games that I've played, this has the tightest controls. The world is big. But this is an empty game. There is no story. It asks you to do only one thing, no matter what planet you're in. And it's really boring. The only reason I play Call of Duty type games is the story, and this one fails miserably on that point. Too bad, I liked the world I was in, the short time I played this game.

Middle Earth: Shadow of Mordor (PS4)

This year's most innovative game for sure. The nemesis system is the one thing all games should have moving forward. While, this only asks of you to kill orcs and uruks for the duration of it's whole game, it does so with some really original tweaks. If you fail to kill one orc, when you die, he gets promoted. He becomes more powerful and he will remember what he did to you. Same thing happens if you let one escape or live, the next time you meet, he will bear the scars from your last encounter. Yeah, it plays a little bit like Assassin's Creed, but the game is so immersive, you wouldn't mind doing the same chore over and over again.

Alien Isolation (PS4)

Alien Isolation is fucking scary!!! Do not believe the reviews about this game that gave it a ridiculously low score. It is a game that you have to really experience to enjoy. I spent most of the game crouched and walking slowly, because I get paranoid. The alien AI is really smart, and unpredictable, that you really feel the stress of the character you're playing. But it still lets you enjoy the beauty of space, before it scares the living shit out of you again.

Assassin's Creed Unity (PS4)

Due to the influx of games the last few weeks, I haven't really played a lot of this game. I think maybe I'm about 10 hours into the story. But man, Paris is big and beautiful. Yes, this game is full of bugs (one time the game crashed when I jumped down a small box). And yes, last year's Black Flag was miles better than this one. But it's still Assassin's Creed. Parkouring around Paris is still awesome. And the sheer number of non playable characters in this game is massive. But, I'll get back to this one after I finish all the other games I purchased.

Dragon Age: Inquisition (PS4)

It's been one whole year since the PS4's launch, and it's only now that we get our first real western RPG. Let me tell you, the game is worth the wait. Among my latest purchases, this was the one I spent the most number of hours in. Inquisition is one massive RPG. I spent approximately 15 hours just wandering around The Hinterlands without progressing through the story. Doing quests have weight in your plight as an Inquisition Leader. And the lore... I think, the content in all of Ferelden could fill a book as thick as the bible. Game of the year contender for me.

Far Cry 4 (PS4)

They say that this is the same game as Far Cry 3 only in a different setting. They say it as if it's a criticism. But why tamper with a formula when there's nothing wrong with it. Far Cry 4 is crazy!!! I've only put in a few hours on this game, but let me tell you, crazy thing s have already happened in the few hours I played it. One of my first missions is to liberate a camp that was invaded by a rival group. Since I only started, I didn't have a lot on my player yet. I spent a few minutes hunting animals so I can ungrade my weapon holster, wallet and loot bag so when I get to that camp, I'm prepared. But lo and behold, when I get to that camp, it was already being liberated... by a couple of elephants. Elephants!!! Crazy, right?! Now why would you change something as unique as a Far Cry experience?

Alright, this year, I think I spent roughly about 50k on games alone.

And I'm wondering why I have not had any savings yet in my name.

Nov 11, 2014

NINE YEARS

Dahil ngayon ang ika siyam na anibersaryo ng blog na ito... magpopost ako.















Happy Anniversary to me!!!

Sep 30, 2014

PAANO KA NAMAN MAKAKAMOVE ON

Sa blog ko, dalawang lalaki lang ang madalas kong naisusulat...

Si Kasintahan...

At si "The One That Got Away".

Mahal ko sila pareho. Mga great loves ika nga.

Matagal ko nang natanggap na si TOTGA ay para talaga sa isang babae. I mean, apat na taon na kami ni Kasintahan. So ibig sabihin, naka move on na ako sa kanya.

Pero sadyang dumadaloy sa dugo nito ni TOTGA ang pagiging sweet, na minsan hindi maiwasan mag-isip (oo na magpantasya) kung paano kaya kung hindi siya straight.

So, eto na lang, mga dahilan kung bakit minsan napapatanong ka ng 'what if?'


  • May girlfriend siya, pero minsan nagkasama kaming tatlo, mas una niya hinatid pauwi ang kasintahan niya, bago ako.
  • Noong magkatrabaho pa kami, siya lang (maliban kay Kasintahan) ang nagdala sa akin ng pagkain sa opisina. As in, mula sa bahay niya, dumayo pa siya sa isang fast food resto para bilhan ako ng pagkain kasi gutom ako.
  • Si TOTGA ang tipo ng lalake na kumportable sa sekswalidad niya na wala sya pakialam sa sasabihin ng tao sa kanya. Madalas pag nagkikita kami niyan, ipapakilala ako sa mga nakakasalubong namin na di namin kakilala bilang boypren niya o ex niya.
  • Tinawag niya akong soulmate at best friend sa mga kaibigan ko.
  • Driver ko siya. Minsan ipinagdrive niya ako sa kasal ng kaklase ko sa Quezon City. Sinundo niya sa Las Piñas galing Pasig kung saan siya nakatira.
  • Kinukwento niya ako sa girlfriend niya. Na parang kapatid ang turing niya sakin. At alam ng girlfriend niya ang kwento naming dalawa.
  • Isang beses, usapan namin: "Kung sakali bang pumatol ka sa bading, may pag-asa ba ako?" sagot niya, "oo naman, ikaw lang naman choice ko," 
  • Hindi kami madalas nagkikita o nag-uusap dahil may kanya kanya kaming buhay, pero kahit once a year lang kami nagkikita, walang nagbabago sa pakikitungo niya sa akin di gaya ng iba kong kaibigan.
  • Yung simpleng fact na matapos kong umamin sa kanya kung ano ako, at nagtapat ng nararamdaman ko para sa kanya, imbis na umiwas siya, ay mas lalo pa kami naging close. Syempre, may ilang buwan/taon din kaming hind nag-usap bago yun.
Kilala siya ni Kasintahan. May pagkakapareho nga sila sa ugali. Pareho silang may topak.

At alam ni Kasintahan na hindi si TOTGA ang tipo ng taong dapat pagselosan.

Si Kasintahan pa rin ang True Love ko. 

Malandi lang ako talaga.




Aug 5, 2014

MINSAN TALAGA

Siguro kapag matagal na ang isang relasyon, dumarating talaga ang panahon na iisipin mong ayaw mo na. Pagod ka na. May mga makikita ka nang hindi mo nagugustuhan. 

Tipong gusto mo na siyang sukuan.

Pero hindi rin mawawala sa iyong isipan na sa loob ng apat na taon:

Marami siyang nagawa hindi lang para sa iyo kundi sa pamilya mo.

Wala nang ibang tao ang tunay na nakakakilala sa iyo kundi siya lang.

Kahit masakit, tinanggap niya ang lahat lahat ng pagkukulang mo.

Napamahal na siya sa pamilya mo at mga kaibigan mo.

Pagkatapos niya, alam mong wala nang magmamahal sa'yo na gaya ng pagmamahal niya sa iyo.

Ang dami dami na naming pinagdaanan.

Pero sa huli, kami pa rin.

Ganun ata talaga ang nagmamahalan. 

Pang walang hanggan.

Jul 2, 2014

The 20 Most Awesome Moments In Game Of Thrones

Okay, so  two Sunday nights ago. we saw the closing for Game of Thrones’ most intense season (and their best season so far). So to celebrate this (i know it’s late but it was meant to be posted after the episode was shown) occassion, let me post my favorite moments of the series so far.
I limited this to twenty because the list would not have ended if I add them all. But there are definitely a lot that I have missed (Theon's torture scenes, Jorah and Daenerys breakup,  Ned vs Jamie, all of Ghost's kills, and every scene with Lady Olenna Tyrell) ,  feel free to let me know in the comments the ones that you think should have been here.
So let's start this list with:
sansa
20 Sansa Learns To Lie (Season 4 Episode 8)
Sansa has never been the most interesting nor important character in the show. She's been mostly portrayed as the weakest of the Stark siblings. For all the stupid things she has done in the first few episodes of season 1, whatever happened to her (attempted rape, abuse from Joffrey, verbal abuse from Cersei) was of her doing. I'm actually surprised that she's one of the surviving Stark child. But all of that abuse eventually had to stop. Towards the end of Season 4, to pay back for Littlefinger's help, Sansa created this elaborate lie about how her aunt committed suicide. It was a very compelling scene, with great acting from Sophie Turner. It's awesome because this may very well be the moment that Sansa finally embraces the dark side.

bran falls
19 What Bran Saw At The Top Of The Tower (Season 1 Episode 1)
I have not read the George R R Martin series. I know it exists and I know it's really good. There was a lot of hype when this show started from all the geeks in the interweb, and that got me interested in the show. The first episode really wasn't that great. The opening scene was great but I thought that the middle parts slowed the series down. But towards the end, that's what changed my mind. Looking back, this is what got me hooked on the show. Incest and child abuse. Bran, the fourth child of Ned and Cat was traversing the tower walls when at the top he hears a strange noise. There was moaning and panting. Lo and behold, what does the child see, the queen being fucked by her twin brother. And when he was spotted, he was pushed out the window so that the queen's secret will be kept safe.

daenerys drogo
18 Daenerys Targaryen: Wanton Sex Queen (Season 1 Episode 3)
At the start of this series, Dany was a week girl. She was pushed around by her brother. Raped by her husband and was made to believe that she's only an asset so her brother can usurp the throne that was stolen from their family. But Dany knows she's more than that. She accepts her fate and decides to do something about it so she can get what she wants. We all know that the way a woman can dominate a man is to dominate him in bed. It took her some training with her hand maiden and soon enough she has Khal Drogo in her fingertips.

valar morghulis
17 Valar Morghulis (Season 2 Episode 10)
Jaqhen H'ghar and Arya Stark had a very interesting relationship in Season 2 of the series. Jaqhen was doing Arya's bidding. And by her bidding, I mean he's assassinating Arya's targets. Everything culminated by the end of t he season. For Arya to escape her captors, she blackmails Jaqhen to kill more men. And in the middle of their escape, Arya bumps into Jaqhen and tells her what he really is... a faceless man. Apparently, they are the coolest people in the whole of Westeros. They parted ways in the end, but what's awesome is that there is a chance Arya's path is towards that of the Faceless Men.

tyrion joffrey
16 Tyrion Slaps Joffrey (Season 1 Episode 2)
The slap that started it all. While at this point, we didn't know that Joffrey would grow to become the vilest villain in Game of Thrones history, we at least knew that he was a prick. Being the good uncle / decent person that Tyrion is, after what happened to Bran. He asked his nephew to go to the Starks to offer their sympathies for what happened to the kid. The kid declines and slap. Joffrey warns the imp then slap, another one. Joffrey tries to reason one more time and then SLAP. The little weasel could only walk away. Tyrion's luck went downwards after that, but looking back and knowing now how evil Joffrey would become, this scene was something we should cherish.

brienne bear
15 Brienne Vs The Bear (Season 3 Episode 7)
Game of Thrones is at its best when they pair up characters. Tyrion and Bronn. Arya and the Hound. Varys and Littlefinger. Lady Olenna and whoever. Season 3's best pairing however was Brienne of Tarth and Jaime Lannister. It was an odd pairing that started antagonistically. Brienne was tasked to bring Jaime back to King's Landing in the hopes that the Lannisters will be returning the Stark daughters back to Catelyn. But what started as antagonistic ended in friendship. In Harrenhal, Jaime went back for Brienne only to find out that she was thrown into a pit to fight off a bear. To save the lady, Jaime jumped into the pit and threatened not to come out unless she's with him. And so begins Jaime's redemption.

white walker
14 White Walkers (Season 2 Episode 10)
While technically Game Of Thrones is a Fantasy show, the series is too grounded that we sometimes forget that there are dragons and shadow creatures lurking around Westeros. But one of the more fantastical creatures of the series was finally introduced in the Season 2 finale of the show. We finally get a glimpse of what the soldiers on The Wall are finally guarding. Fucking Zombies!!! And they are scary as shit!!! Winter is coming indeed.

sandor
13 Sandor Clegane Vs Berric Dondarion (Season 3 Episode 5)
Oh I put this on the list because who does not like a fight where one of the fighters uses a flaming sword? One of the coolest scenes on television. Ever.

viserys
12 The Death of Viserys Targaryen (Season 1 Episode 6)
Viserys has been a jerk. Ever since the moment we first laid our eyes on the elder Targaryen, we knew he was an ass. He sold his sister to the Dothraki so he can build an army. He let Khal Drogo rape his younger sister all for the uncertainty of them helping him take over King's Landing. He was a vile, irrational and pretty much annoying. Not only to the viewers but mostly to the Dothraki tribe. So when the time came he demanded to have a taste of the Dothraki women, and be treated like a king, Drogo fulfilled his wish. He poured a pot of melted gold. Yes it was sick, but it was only the first of many gruesome deaths that the show has in store for us.

ned
11 The Death of Ned Stark (Season 1 Episode 9)
This was the Oh Shit moment of the first season. The first time that we realized that no one is safe in Westeros. Not even it's lead character Ned Stark. Sean Bean was the face of Game of Thrones. And he did not even live long enough to finish the season. My jaw dropped when I first saw this episode. Just like the millions of people who have seen Game of Thrones, we cried for the elder Stark. He was the one we were all rooting for to sit on the Iron Throne, and he just got beheaded. WTF right?! But it is awesome that the show has the balls to drop it's lead star just like that. If he hadn't died, Arya, Robb, Sansa, Jon Snow and Bran, would probably just be bit players til now.

dragons
10 The Birth of the Dragons (Season 1 Episode 10)
This was what kept me from dropping the show. Watching the first season finale, I was so depressed. By that time, they have killed two of the most loved characters of the series (Ned Stark and Khal Drogo). I thought Arya alone would not be able to make me sustain my interest on the show. But then, by the end of the episode, Daenarys rose out of the fire, and with her dragons. Baby fucking dragons!!! I'm glad I stayed and stuck with this show.  And we've got Khaleesi's babies to thank for that.

tyrion trial
9 The Trial of Tyrion Lannister (Season 4 Episode 6)
Just read this chilling speech and tell me you're not getting goosebumps imagining Peter Dinklage's emmy worthy performance.
"I did not kill Joffrey, but I wish that I had. Watching your vicious bastard die gave me more relief than a thousand lying whores.
"I wish I was the monster you think I am. I wish I had enough poison for the whole pack of you. I would gladly give my life to watch you all swallow it.
"I will not give my life for Joffrey's murder. And I know I'll get no justice here, So I'll let the gods decide my fate.
"I demand a trial by combat!"
Chilling. 

blackwater
8 The Battle of Blackwater (Season 2 Episode 9)
 You see that flash of green destruction in the picture above. That's some shit that's both deadly and beautiful at the same time. This I think is the first time that Game of Thrones shows it's viewers that they can do Lord of the Rings style of war and destruction. When I saw this episode I remember being overwhelmed by how big the whole battle was. It's like watching a big budget movie. And then this is the episode that elevated Tyrion's hero status. He showed great leadership and made us want to root for the people of King's Landing even if their King is an idiot.

arya
7 Hound Vs Brienne / Arya Leaves The Hound (Season 4 Episode 10)
 I have to cheat on this one, these are two great moments that I had to combine since they all occurred together. It started when Brienne crossed paths with Arya and The Hound. Some witty banter were thrown and then Brienne and Sandor got into the most gnarly fight I have ever seen on television. Groins were kicked. An ear was bit off. And then we end the whole scene with Arya. Just staring at the Hound who was begging her to kill him. That look, it says more than any line would ever have. We know that The Hound is on Arya's list of people she wants to kill. But she's not going to let him die in his own terms. Instead, she leaves him to die a long and lonely death. That's dark. 
jon snow
6 The Battle for Castle Black (Season 4 Episode 9)
 Mammoth-riding giant archers!!! That alone easily puts this moment or episode at the top of the most awesome GOT moments list. In season four's penultimate episode, we are taken north of Westeros, on The Wall where the Wildlings for some reason find it's time to finally take over the giant landmark. You can't help but cheer for the  crows on this one. Jon Snow showed effective leadership, as well as that other guy who we disliked on previous episodes when he disagreed with Jon Snow's suggestions. Plus, it gave us that long seamless shot of the fight inside the wall that was just breathtaking. Oh, and anytime we see some direwolf action, you know there's no wrong in direwolf scenes.

viper
5 The Viper Vs The Mountain (Season 4 Episode 8)
Oh you can tell from the picture above that  this one ended nasty. All season long we know that Oberyn Martell came to King's Landing for one thing only. Revenge. He knew The Mountain did it. He knew that the Lannisters were behind it. He just wanted a confession. And when Tyrion demanded a trial by combat, the Viper knew it was his chance to finally get what he wanted. The fight  was epic. It's like David vs Goliath, and the Viper had the upper hand. Miraculously, he was able to stab The Mountain in the chest. That was great until, for one moment, while showboating, he set his eyes away from the enemy. Immediately The Mountain put him down, knocked his teeth away and slowly, while confessing crushed Oberyn's skull. Along with the hopes of Tyrion winning the trial.

tyrion
4 Tyrion's Revenge (Season 4 Episode 10)
For two seasons, Tyrion has been humiliated, stripped of his power, wrongly accused of murder and sentenced to death. Right now, he's one of the very few characters in the show that we consider as the hero. And with the death of Oberyn a few episodes prior, everything looked hopeless for everyone's favorite imp. Fortunately for him, he still has friends in King's Landing, and he escaped. But not before he exacts his revenge. I think his father's death was a bit disappointing, but what he did to Shae was incredibly satisfying. Hearing her neck snap was painful to watch but you can't help but think that she deserved it after betraying Tyrion twice.

joffrey
3 The Death of Joffrey (Season 4 Episode 2)
The asshole king is dead. It was a long frickin' death. The turd deserved it. And it was so satisfying. 'Nuff said.

red wedding
2 The Red Wedding (Season 3 Episode 9)
 This was awesome. But to be honest, this is one of the most painful scenes to watch in the entire run of Game of Thrones. This effectively eliminated some of the show's biggest heroes. In a wedding nonetheless. And they spared no one. Not even the pregnant wife of Robb Stark. Not even the direwolf. And worse, they cut off it's head and sewn it to Robb's lifeless body.  It is awesome because this is when GOT nails in the head the fact that no one is safe in George RR Martin's opus. Absolutely no one. Until now, I can still hear Catelyn Stark's last cry of pain.

dracarys
1 Daenerys Takes Over Astapor (Season 3 Episode 4)
In total, I think I have replayed this scene like 15 times. This is my favorite scene of the entire series. It's a spectacle. It's grand. It's a perfect scene.  It started with Kraznys showing off his Unsullied at the same time bad mouthing the mother of dragons, calling her a pig and bitch. He was using the Valyrian language thinking the Mother of Dragons could not understand him. But then, in a grand showing of power, Dany spoke in Valyrian, telling Kraznys that dragons are not slaves and ordering the Unsullied to kill everyone holding a whip. Dracarys. With one word ending the life of the slave master and destroyed a city. The scene ended with Dany marching out of the city finally with an army she can call her own. Epic.

Sound off if you think I missed on anything. 

May 10, 2014

SI KASINTAHAN

Di ako masyado makapagkwento dito ng tungkol sa personal kong buhay, dahil alam niyo naman na hindi pangkaraniwan ang aking sitwasyon. Hindi normal. Hindi pa gaanong tanggap ng nakararami.

Pero, tutal naamin ko na naman lahat dito, naisip ko na ikwento na rin sa inyo ang tungkol sa amin ng aking kasintahan. Di ko lang magawa noon, kasi mahaba ang kwento namin. Sobrang haba at sobrang komplikado.

SI KASINTAHAN
Kung tutuusin, sa unang tingin hindi niyo mapagtatanto na magkasintahan kami. Malaki ang pagkakaiba naming dalawa sa isa’t-isa. Unang-una sa listahan ay ang agwat ng aming mga edad. Para lang akong cougar dahil walong taon ang tanda ko sa kanya. Tapos saksakan pa ng talino si kasintahan. Pilosopo. Eh ang babaw ko kaya. Minsan di maiiwasang nagnonosebleed ako sa kanya. Tapos marami pang iba.

Anyway, nagkakilala kami mga halos isang taon na ang nakakaraan. Nagsimula kami bilang phone friends. Araw-araw kaming magkausap. Nagkukulitan sa phone. Kinikilatis ang isa’t-isa. Kinikilala. Tuluy-tuloy kaming ganun ng isang lingo, hanggang may pumasok sa eksena. Nung una parang wala lang, may girlfriend siya noon, kaya’t hanggang kaibigan lang. Pero noong pumasok sa eksena si blogger, medyo may nag-iba.

Naging kami ni blogger noon, mabilisan yung pangyayari. Nagkakilala noong linggo, nagging kami noong lunes. Pinaalam ko yun sa kanya. Sa umpisa ayos lang, magkaibigan lang naman kami. Pero may something talaga. Dumating sa punto na minsan, kahit magkausap kami ni blogger, pag nagtext na siya, ibababa ko na yung phone para tawagan si kasintahan. Oo, aaminin ko, medyo niloko ko si blogger. Kaya hindi ko na rin pinatagal, matapos ang isang buwan iniwan ko siya.

Pero alam niyo naman ako at si karma. Best friends. Dahil bata pa nga si kasintahan, medyo di pa niya alam ang gusto niya. Kaya pagkatapos ng Pasko noong nakaraang taon, bigla siyang nawala. Naputol ang komunikasyon naming sa isa’t-isa. Matagal na niyang hinihingi noon na maghiwalay kami ng landas, kasi nga naguguluhan siya. Minsan pumapayag ako, pero bumabalik din siya matapos ng ilang araw. Pero pagkatapos ng Pasko, tuluyan siyang nawala. Karma ko sa panloloko kay blogger.

LIGAWAN
Halos tatlong buwan din kaming walang narinig sa isa’t-isa. Paminsan nagmemessage sa ym, pero wala lang. Di na tulad ng dati. Medyo mabigat sa dibdib noong nawala siya, kasi syempre lumalim na yung pagtingin ko sa kanya noon. Hindi man direktang aminin alam ko may nararamdaman na kami noon sa isa’t-isa. Pero hinayaan ko lang, bata pa eh. Di ko dapat ipinipilit ang sarili ko, kasi ako lang naman ang masasaktan. Nasasaktan na nga ako nun eh. Kaya kung mapapansin niyo, medyo madrama ako noong nagsimula ang taon.

Marso, nang muli siyang bumalik at nangulit sa buhay ko. Wala na sila kasing pasok kaya’t nabored at kinausap ulit ako. Pero noong panahon na yun, klarong ang nais lang namin ay maging magkaibigan lang. Napapanindigan naman namin yun. Lalo na siya, dahil tinatawag niya akong weirdo tuwing magsisimula akong maglambing sa kanya.

Hinayaan ko lang, kahit masakit. Tawagin ka ba naman na weirdo. Pero meron talagang pagkakataon na siya naman ang naglalambing. Hinahayaan ko na lang. Ayoko na noong umasa, baka lalo lang akong masaktan. Nung unang beses kasi, sobrang bigat sa pakiramdam, ayoko nang maulit. Hindi ako noon iyakin, pero shet, tuwing umaga na lang bago ako matulog para akong tanga na nagdadrama sa kwarto.

Pero ganun talaga siguro pag mahal mo ang isang tao, kahit gaano mo pilit itago. Kahit gaano mo pilit itanggi, lalabas at lalabas din ang mararamdaman mo.

KUMPLIKADO
Isang araw, nagtext siya. Nagsabing may ginawang kagaguhan. Meron daw nangyari sa kanila ng isa niyang kaibigan. Syempre ako drama king, nasaktan. Nagalit. Walang dahilan alam ko, pero syempre pag nakarinig ka ng ganung kwento sa taong mahal mo, diba masasaktan ka din. Medyo nagsawa na ako na umasa sa kanya. Feeling ko wala naman kaming patutunguhan kaya kinausap ko siya.

Sinabi ko na di ko na kaya. Tinanong ako noon kung kaya kong maghintay, magtiis hanggang sa dumating yung panahon na marealize niya na mahal niya ako. Sinabi ko oo. Na magiging sulit yung paghihintay na yun. Pero noong panahon na iyon, naisip ko di na darating yun. Naghihintay lang ako sa wala. At dapat ko na siyang kalimutan. Nagpaalam ako noong araw din na yun.

May ilang araw din akong hindi nagparamdam. Minsan nagtetext siya, pero di ko pinapansin. Sinasagot ko pero wala na. Ayaw ko na.

HAPPY ENDING?Isang Sabado ng gabi, nililibang ko ang sarili ko dahil nga gusto ko nang makalimot nang nagtext siya. Hindi daw niya ako malimutan. Nahihirapan siya, dahil alam niyang mahal niya ako, pero di niya kayang panindigan. Natatakot siya na kapag dumating ang panahon na handa na siya ay hindi na niya ako mahanap ulit. Sinabi niya gusto niya ako.

Hindi ko natiis, nag-usap kami noong gabing iyon. Nag-iyakan. Naglabas ng sama ng loob. Sinabi ko sa kanya na naiintindihan ko ang sitwasyon niya. Bago siya sa ganitong klase ng relasyon at di ko siya pipilitin na gawin ang hindi niya kaya. Sinabi kong handa naman akong maghintay, basta alam ko lang na mahal niya din ako. Yun yung mahalaga.

Naging kami noong gabi ding iyon.

Naisip naming bakit kailangan pang patagalin. Alam naman namin ang nararamdaman namin sa isa’t-isa. Paninindigan na namin. Hindi naman magbabago yung nararamdaman namin. Wala nang dahilan para itago pa.

Pitong buwan din yun bago naging kami. Ang daming nangyari. Ang daming pinagdaanan. Pero sulit. Sobrang sulit ang lahat. Di kayang ipagpalit ng kahit ano ang kaligayahang nararamdaman namin ngayon.

Minsan nag-aaway kami (actually medyo madalas yun pareho kasi kaming may topak), pero kinakaya namin. Minsan lang kami magkita dahil medyo mahirap pa maghanap ng oras, pero natitiis namin. Minsan nakukulitan kami sa isa’t-isa pero pinapahaba namin ang pasensya namin. Ganun siguro talaga pag mahal mo ang isang tao.

Sabi ko nga, ginagawa ko siyang mas mabuting tao, sa parehong paraan na kinukumpleto niya ako.

**********************************************
Reposting para sa ikaapat na taon ng aming pagsasamahan.

Apr 8, 2014

KWENTONG BANGUNGOT

Sabado ng gabi, ako'y naalimpungatan sa aking pagkakatulog. May mga batang naglalaro sa labas ng aking bintana. Malinaw ang kanilang boses, sila'y naghahabulan. Sa una'y hindi ko siya pinansin pero nang maalala ko na ako'y natutulog sa ikalawang palapag ng aming bahay, ako'y naalimpungatan.

Biglang tumahimik na sinundan ng malakas na hiyaw ng isang pusa.

Bumalik ang mga boses ng mga bata. Tila sila'y nagtatakbuhan palayo. 

"Nandyan na ang maligno!" ang huli kong narinig.

Iminulat ko ang aking mga mata.

Isang masamang panaginip. 

Tumabi sa akin si Georges St-Pierre at tinanong ako kung ok lang ba ako. Ikinuwento ko ang masamang panaginip na gumising sakin. 

Napatitig siya sakin. Medyo may pag-aalala. Pero sabi niya, wag ako mangamba dahil nasa tabi ko lang siya at ako'y kanyang babantayan habang natutulog.

Ako'y napangiti. Pero ang ngiti ko'y di nagtagal. Nakakarinig ako ng isang malakas na hilik. Ito'y nakapagtataka dahil kaming dalawa lang naman ang nasa kwarto. 

Hinanap ko ang pinanggagalingan ng nakakabahalang tunog. Sumilip ako sa aking kanan. Wala. Sa aking kaliwa. Wala. Naririnig din ni GSP ang humihilik pero wala siyang nakita. Tiningnan ko ang ilalim ng aking kama, ngunit wala pa rin akong nakita.

Nagising akong bigla.

Isang nakakabahalang panaginip.

Tumingin ako sa aking tabi. Si Kasintahan ay natutulog ng mahimbing.

MALIGNO.

Yan ang salitang tumatak sa aking isipan. Ako'y nagsimulang magdasal.

"Ama namin sumasalingit ka, sambahin ang ngalan mo..."

Napatingin ako sa labas ng aking bintana. Nakita kong bilog ang buwan. Pero parang may kakaiba. 

"Mapasaamin ang kaharian mo sundin ang loob mo..."

Ang kabilugan ng buwan, unti unting nababalot ng kadiliman.

Muli ako ay nagising. Bangungot.

Tang ina, sa isip ko hindi ako magising. Kinurot ko ang sarili ko para siguradong gising na ako. Si Kasintahan nasa tabi ko, mahimbing pa rin ang tulog. 

Niyakap ko siya. Baka sakali matatapos na ang mga bangungot ko.

Pero biglang may humila sakin patalikod kay Kasintahan. 

Isang itim na nilalang. Pilit akong niyayakap. 

Ang maligno. 

Niyayakap niya ako ng mahigpit. Hindi ako makagalaw. Hindi ako makahinga.

Pinipilit kong magising at makawala sa bangungot na ito. 

Bigla akong napaupo sa aking kama. Pawis na pawis at pilit hinahabol ang aking hininga.

Nagising si Kasintahan. 

Niyakap ko siya ng mahigpit. Kakaiba ang takot na aking nararamdaman sa di na natapos na bangungot. Walang bisa ang dasal. Pakiramdam ko'y ako'y mamamatay.

Hinalikan niya ako sa pisngi. Nananahan. 

"Matulog ka na ulit. Andito lang ako." sambit niya. Humiga kami parehong magkahawak ang kamay. 

Maya maya lang ay narinig ko ulit yung malakas na hilik.

Yung maligno.

Pilit kong ginigising si Kasintahan ngunit malalim na ang kanyang paghimbing. Naririnig kong lumalakas ang hilik. Sa aking likuran.

Nilingon ko ang pinanggagalingan ng tunog na aking kinatatakutan.

Isang itim na nilalang ang sa tabi ko'y natutulog. 

At ako ay nagising. 

Tunay na gising. 

Pinilit kong tumayo at uminom ng tubig.

11:49pm ang sabi ng orasan sa aking telepono.

Wala nang maligno.

Gising na ako.

Ang bilis ng pintig ng aking puso. 

Nagising si Kasintahan sa aking kalikutan.

Hindi ko na yata kayang bumalik pa at matulog.

Alas tres na nang muling pumikit ang aking mga mata.