Mga Sumasampalataya

Sep 30, 2014


Sa blog ko, dalawang lalaki lang ang madalas kong naisusulat...

Si Kasintahan...

At si "The One That Got Away".

Mahal ko sila pareho. Mga great loves ika nga.

Matagal ko nang natanggap na si TOTGA ay para talaga sa isang babae. I mean, apat na taon na kami ni Kasintahan. So ibig sabihin, naka move on na ako sa kanya.

Pero sadyang dumadaloy sa dugo nito ni TOTGA ang pagiging sweet, na minsan hindi maiwasan mag-isip (oo na magpantasya) kung paano kaya kung hindi siya straight.

So, eto na lang, mga dahilan kung bakit minsan napapatanong ka ng 'what if?'

  • May girlfriend siya, pero minsan nagkasama kaming tatlo, mas una niya hinatid pauwi ang kasintahan niya, bago ako.
  • Noong magkatrabaho pa kami, siya lang (maliban kay Kasintahan) ang nagdala sa akin ng pagkain sa opisina. As in, mula sa bahay niya, dumayo pa siya sa isang fast food resto para bilhan ako ng pagkain kasi gutom ako.
  • Si TOTGA ang tipo ng lalake na kumportable sa sekswalidad niya na wala sya pakialam sa sasabihin ng tao sa kanya. Madalas pag nagkikita kami niyan, ipapakilala ako sa mga nakakasalubong namin na di namin kakilala bilang boypren niya o ex niya.
  • Tinawag niya akong soulmate at best friend sa mga kaibigan ko.
  • Driver ko siya. Minsan ipinagdrive niya ako sa kasal ng kaklase ko sa Quezon City. Sinundo niya sa Las Piñas galing Pasig kung saan siya nakatira.
  • Kinukwento niya ako sa girlfriend niya. Na parang kapatid ang turing niya sakin. At alam ng girlfriend niya ang kwento naming dalawa.
  • Isang beses, usapan namin: "Kung sakali bang pumatol ka sa bading, may pag-asa ba ako?" sagot niya, "oo naman, ikaw lang naman choice ko," 
  • Hindi kami madalas nagkikita o nag-uusap dahil may kanya kanya kaming buhay, pero kahit once a year lang kami nagkikita, walang nagbabago sa pakikitungo niya sa akin di gaya ng iba kong kaibigan.
  • Yung simpleng fact na matapos kong umamin sa kanya kung ano ako, at nagtapat ng nararamdaman ko para sa kanya, imbis na umiwas siya, ay mas lalo pa kami naging close. Syempre, may ilang buwan/taon din kaming hind nag-usap bago yun.
Kilala siya ni Kasintahan. May pagkakapareho nga sila sa ugali. Pareho silang may topak.

At alam ni Kasintahan na hindi si TOTGA ang tipo ng taong dapat pagselosan.

Si Kasintahan pa rin ang True Love ko. 

Malandi lang ako talaga.

Aug 5, 2014


Siguro kapag matagal na ang isang relasyon, dumarating talaga ang panahon na iisipin mong ayaw mo na. Pagod ka na. May mga makikita ka nang hindi mo nagugustuhan. 

Tipong gusto mo na siyang sukuan.

Pero hindi rin mawawala sa iyong isipan na sa loob ng apat na taon:

Marami siyang nagawa hindi lang para sa iyo kundi sa pamilya mo.

Wala nang ibang tao ang tunay na nakakakilala sa iyo kundi siya lang.

Kahit masakit, tinanggap niya ang lahat lahat ng pagkukulang mo.

Napamahal na siya sa pamilya mo at mga kaibigan mo.

Pagkatapos niya, alam mong wala nang magmamahal sa'yo na gaya ng pagmamahal niya sa iyo.

Ang dami dami na naming pinagdaanan.

Pero sa huli, kami pa rin.

Ganun ata talaga ang nagmamahalan. 

Pang walang hanggan.

Jul 2, 2014

The 20 Most Awesome Moments In Game Of Thrones

Okay, so  two Sunday nights ago. we saw the closing for Game of Thrones’ most intense season (and their best season so far). So to celebrate this (i know it’s late but it was meant to be posted after the episode was shown) occassion, let me post my favorite moments of the series so far.
I limited this to twenty because the list would not have ended if I add them all. But there are definitely a lot that I have missed (Theon's torture scenes, Jorah and Daenerys breakup,  Ned vs Jamie, all of Ghost's kills, and every scene with Lady Olenna Tyrell) ,  feel free to let me know in the comments the ones that you think should have been here.
So let's start this list with:
20 Sansa Learns To Lie (Season 4 Episode 8)
Sansa has never been the most interesting nor important character in the show. She's been mostly portrayed as the weakest of the Stark siblings. For all the stupid things she has done in the first few episodes of season 1, whatever happened to her (attempted rape, abuse from Joffrey, verbal abuse from Cersei) was of her doing. I'm actually surprised that she's one of the surviving Stark child. But all of that abuse eventually had to stop. Towards the end of Season 4, to pay back for Littlefinger's help, Sansa created this elaborate lie about how her aunt committed suicide. It was a very compelling scene, with great acting from Sophie Turner. It's awesome because this may very well be the moment that Sansa finally embraces the dark side.

bran falls
19 What Bran Saw At The Top Of The Tower (Season 1 Episode 1)
I have not read the George R R Martin series. I know it exists and I know it's really good. There was a lot of hype when this show started from all the geeks in the interweb, and that got me interested in the show. The first episode really wasn't that great. The opening scene was great but I thought that the middle parts slowed the series down. But towards the end, that's what changed my mind. Looking back, this is what got me hooked on the show. Incest and child abuse. Bran, the fourth child of Ned and Cat was traversing the tower walls when at the top he hears a strange noise. There was moaning and panting. Lo and behold, what does the child see, the queen being fucked by her twin brother. And when he was spotted, he was pushed out the window so that the queen's secret will be kept safe.

daenerys drogo
18 Daenerys Targaryen: Wanton Sex Queen (Season 1 Episode 3)
At the start of this series, Dany was a week girl. She was pushed around by her brother. Raped by her husband and was made to believe that she's only an asset so her brother can usurp the throne that was stolen from their family. But Dany knows she's more than that. She accepts her fate and decides to do something about it so she can get what she wants. We all know that the way a woman can dominate a man is to dominate him in bed. It took her some training with her hand maiden and soon enough she has Khal Drogo in her fingertips.

valar morghulis
17 Valar Morghulis (Season 2 Episode 10)
Jaqhen H'ghar and Arya Stark had a very interesting relationship in Season 2 of the series. Jaqhen was doing Arya's bidding. And by her bidding, I mean he's assassinating Arya's targets. Everything culminated by the end of t he season. For Arya to escape her captors, she blackmails Jaqhen to kill more men. And in the middle of their escape, Arya bumps into Jaqhen and tells her what he really is... a faceless man. Apparently, they are the coolest people in the whole of Westeros. They parted ways in the end, but what's awesome is that there is a chance Arya's path is towards that of the Faceless Men.

tyrion joffrey
16 Tyrion Slaps Joffrey (Season 1 Episode 2)
The slap that started it all. While at this point, we didn't know that Joffrey would grow to become the vilest villain in Game of Thrones history, we at least knew that he was a prick. Being the good uncle / decent person that Tyrion is, after what happened to Bran. He asked his nephew to go to the Starks to offer their sympathies for what happened to the kid. The kid declines and slap. Joffrey warns the imp then slap, another one. Joffrey tries to reason one more time and then SLAP. The little weasel could only walk away. Tyrion's luck went downwards after that, but looking back and knowing now how evil Joffrey would become, this scene was something we should cherish.

brienne bear
15 Brienne Vs The Bear (Season 3 Episode 7)
Game of Thrones is at its best when they pair up characters. Tyrion and Bronn. Arya and the Hound. Varys and Littlefinger. Lady Olenna and whoever. Season 3's best pairing however was Brienne of Tarth and Jaime Lannister. It was an odd pairing that started antagonistically. Brienne was tasked to bring Jaime back to King's Landing in the hopes that the Lannisters will be returning the Stark daughters back to Catelyn. But what started as antagonistic ended in friendship. In Harrenhal, Jaime went back for Brienne only to find out that she was thrown into a pit to fight off a bear. To save the lady, Jaime jumped into the pit and threatened not to come out unless she's with him. And so begins Jaime's redemption.

white walker
14 White Walkers (Season 2 Episode 10)
While technically Game Of Thrones is a Fantasy show, the series is too grounded that we sometimes forget that there are dragons and shadow creatures lurking around Westeros. But one of the more fantastical creatures of the series was finally introduced in the Season 2 finale of the show. We finally get a glimpse of what the soldiers on The Wall are finally guarding. Fucking Zombies!!! And they are scary as shit!!! Winter is coming indeed.

13 Sandor Clegane Vs Berric Dondarion (Season 3 Episode 5)
Oh I put this on the list because who does not like a fight where one of the fighters uses a flaming sword? One of the coolest scenes on television. Ever.

12 The Death of Viserys Targaryen (Season 1 Episode 6)
Viserys has been a jerk. Ever since the moment we first laid our eyes on the elder Targaryen, we knew he was an ass. He sold his sister to the Dothraki so he can build an army. He let Khal Drogo rape his younger sister all for the uncertainty of them helping him take over King's Landing. He was a vile, irrational and pretty much annoying. Not only to the viewers but mostly to the Dothraki tribe. So when the time came he demanded to have a taste of the Dothraki women, and be treated like a king, Drogo fulfilled his wish. He poured a pot of melted gold. Yes it was sick, but it was only the first of many gruesome deaths that the show has in store for us.

11 The Death of Ned Stark (Season 1 Episode 9)
This was the Oh Shit moment of the first season. The first time that we realized that no one is safe in Westeros. Not even it's lead character Ned Stark. Sean Bean was the face of Game of Thrones. And he did not even live long enough to finish the season. My jaw dropped when I first saw this episode. Just like the millions of people who have seen Game of Thrones, we cried for the elder Stark. He was the one we were all rooting for to sit on the Iron Throne, and he just got beheaded. WTF right?! But it is awesome that the show has the balls to drop it's lead star just like that. If he hadn't died, Arya, Robb, Sansa, Jon Snow and Bran, would probably just be bit players til now.

10 The Birth of the Dragons (Season 1 Episode 10)
This was what kept me from dropping the show. Watching the first season finale, I was so depressed. By that time, they have killed two of the most loved characters of the series (Ned Stark and Khal Drogo). I thought Arya alone would not be able to make me sustain my interest on the show. But then, by the end of the episode, Daenarys rose out of the fire, and with her dragons. Baby fucking dragons!!! I'm glad I stayed and stuck with this show.  And we've got Khaleesi's babies to thank for that.

tyrion trial
9 The Trial of Tyrion Lannister (Season 4 Episode 6)
Just read this chilling speech and tell me you're not getting goosebumps imagining Peter Dinklage's emmy worthy performance.
"I did not kill Joffrey, but I wish that I had. Watching your vicious bastard die gave me more relief than a thousand lying whores.
"I wish I was the monster you think I am. I wish I had enough poison for the whole pack of you. I would gladly give my life to watch you all swallow it.
"I will not give my life for Joffrey's murder. And I know I'll get no justice here, So I'll let the gods decide my fate.
"I demand a trial by combat!"

8 The Battle of Blackwater (Season 2 Episode 9)
 You see that flash of green destruction in the picture above. That's some shit that's both deadly and beautiful at the same time. This I think is the first time that Game of Thrones shows it's viewers that they can do Lord of the Rings style of war and destruction. When I saw this episode I remember being overwhelmed by how big the whole battle was. It's like watching a big budget movie. And then this is the episode that elevated Tyrion's hero status. He showed great leadership and made us want to root for the people of King's Landing even if their King is an idiot.

7 Hound Vs Brienne / Arya Leaves The Hound (Season 4 Episode 10)
 I have to cheat on this one, these are two great moments that I had to combine since they all occurred together. It started when Brienne crossed paths with Arya and The Hound. Some witty banter were thrown and then Brienne and Sandor got into the most gnarly fight I have ever seen on television. Groins were kicked. An ear was bit off. And then we end the whole scene with Arya. Just staring at the Hound who was begging her to kill him. That look, it says more than any line would ever have. We know that The Hound is on Arya's list of people she wants to kill. But she's not going to let him die in his own terms. Instead, she leaves him to die a long and lonely death. That's dark. 
jon snow
6 The Battle for Castle Black (Season 4 Episode 9)
 Mammoth-riding giant archers!!! That alone easily puts this moment or episode at the top of the most awesome GOT moments list. In season four's penultimate episode, we are taken north of Westeros, on The Wall where the Wildlings for some reason find it's time to finally take over the giant landmark. You can't help but cheer for the  crows on this one. Jon Snow showed effective leadership, as well as that other guy who we disliked on previous episodes when he disagreed with Jon Snow's suggestions. Plus, it gave us that long seamless shot of the fight inside the wall that was just breathtaking. Oh, and anytime we see some direwolf action, you know there's no wrong in direwolf scenes.

5 The Viper Vs The Mountain (Season 4 Episode 8)
Oh you can tell from the picture above that  this one ended nasty. All season long we know that Oberyn Martell came to King's Landing for one thing only. Revenge. He knew The Mountain did it. He knew that the Lannisters were behind it. He just wanted a confession. And when Tyrion demanded a trial by combat, the Viper knew it was his chance to finally get what he wanted. The fight  was epic. It's like David vs Goliath, and the Viper had the upper hand. Miraculously, he was able to stab The Mountain in the chest. That was great until, for one moment, while showboating, he set his eyes away from the enemy. Immediately The Mountain put him down, knocked his teeth away and slowly, while confessing crushed Oberyn's skull. Along with the hopes of Tyrion winning the trial.

4 Tyrion's Revenge (Season 4 Episode 10)
For two seasons, Tyrion has been humiliated, stripped of his power, wrongly accused of murder and sentenced to death. Right now, he's one of the very few characters in the show that we consider as the hero. And with the death of Oberyn a few episodes prior, everything looked hopeless for everyone's favorite imp. Fortunately for him, he still has friends in King's Landing, and he escaped. But not before he exacts his revenge. I think his father's death was a bit disappointing, but what he did to Shae was incredibly satisfying. Hearing her neck snap was painful to watch but you can't help but think that she deserved it after betraying Tyrion twice.

3 The Death of Joffrey (Season 4 Episode 2)
The asshole king is dead. It was a long frickin' death. The turd deserved it. And it was so satisfying. 'Nuff said.

red wedding
2 The Red Wedding (Season 3 Episode 9)
 This was awesome. But to be honest, this is one of the most painful scenes to watch in the entire run of Game of Thrones. This effectively eliminated some of the show's biggest heroes. In a wedding nonetheless. And they spared no one. Not even the pregnant wife of Robb Stark. Not even the direwolf. And worse, they cut off it's head and sewn it to Robb's lifeless body.  It is awesome because this is when GOT nails in the head the fact that no one is safe in George RR Martin's opus. Absolutely no one. Until now, I can still hear Catelyn Stark's last cry of pain.

1 Daenerys Takes Over Astapor (Season 3 Episode 4)
In total, I think I have replayed this scene like 15 times. This is my favorite scene of the entire series. It's a spectacle. It's grand. It's a perfect scene.  It started with Kraznys showing off his Unsullied at the same time bad mouthing the mother of dragons, calling her a pig and bitch. He was using the Valyrian language thinking the Mother of Dragons could not understand him. But then, in a grand showing of power, Dany spoke in Valyrian, telling Kraznys that dragons are not slaves and ordering the Unsullied to kill everyone holding a whip. Dracarys. With one word ending the life of the slave master and destroyed a city. The scene ended with Dany marching out of the city finally with an army she can call her own. Epic.

Sound off if you think I missed on anything. 

May 10, 2014


Di ako masyado makapagkwento dito ng tungkol sa personal kong buhay, dahil alam niyo naman na hindi pangkaraniwan ang aking sitwasyon. Hindi normal. Hindi pa gaanong tanggap ng nakararami.

Pero, tutal naamin ko na naman lahat dito, naisip ko na ikwento na rin sa inyo ang tungkol sa amin ng aking kasintahan. Di ko lang magawa noon, kasi mahaba ang kwento namin. Sobrang haba at sobrang komplikado.

Kung tutuusin, sa unang tingin hindi niyo mapagtatanto na magkasintahan kami. Malaki ang pagkakaiba naming dalawa sa isa’t-isa. Unang-una sa listahan ay ang agwat ng aming mga edad. Para lang akong cougar dahil walong taon ang tanda ko sa kanya. Tapos saksakan pa ng talino si kasintahan. Pilosopo. Eh ang babaw ko kaya. Minsan di maiiwasang nagnonosebleed ako sa kanya. Tapos marami pang iba.

Anyway, nagkakilala kami mga halos isang taon na ang nakakaraan. Nagsimula kami bilang phone friends. Araw-araw kaming magkausap. Nagkukulitan sa phone. Kinikilatis ang isa’t-isa. Kinikilala. Tuluy-tuloy kaming ganun ng isang lingo, hanggang may pumasok sa eksena. Nung una parang wala lang, may girlfriend siya noon, kaya’t hanggang kaibigan lang. Pero noong pumasok sa eksena si blogger, medyo may nag-iba.

Naging kami ni blogger noon, mabilisan yung pangyayari. Nagkakilala noong linggo, nagging kami noong lunes. Pinaalam ko yun sa kanya. Sa umpisa ayos lang, magkaibigan lang naman kami. Pero may something talaga. Dumating sa punto na minsan, kahit magkausap kami ni blogger, pag nagtext na siya, ibababa ko na yung phone para tawagan si kasintahan. Oo, aaminin ko, medyo niloko ko si blogger. Kaya hindi ko na rin pinatagal, matapos ang isang buwan iniwan ko siya.

Pero alam niyo naman ako at si karma. Best friends. Dahil bata pa nga si kasintahan, medyo di pa niya alam ang gusto niya. Kaya pagkatapos ng Pasko noong nakaraang taon, bigla siyang nawala. Naputol ang komunikasyon naming sa isa’t-isa. Matagal na niyang hinihingi noon na maghiwalay kami ng landas, kasi nga naguguluhan siya. Minsan pumapayag ako, pero bumabalik din siya matapos ng ilang araw. Pero pagkatapos ng Pasko, tuluyan siyang nawala. Karma ko sa panloloko kay blogger.

Halos tatlong buwan din kaming walang narinig sa isa’t-isa. Paminsan nagmemessage sa ym, pero wala lang. Di na tulad ng dati. Medyo mabigat sa dibdib noong nawala siya, kasi syempre lumalim na yung pagtingin ko sa kanya noon. Hindi man direktang aminin alam ko may nararamdaman na kami noon sa isa’t-isa. Pero hinayaan ko lang, bata pa eh. Di ko dapat ipinipilit ang sarili ko, kasi ako lang naman ang masasaktan. Nasasaktan na nga ako nun eh. Kaya kung mapapansin niyo, medyo madrama ako noong nagsimula ang taon.

Marso, nang muli siyang bumalik at nangulit sa buhay ko. Wala na sila kasing pasok kaya’t nabored at kinausap ulit ako. Pero noong panahon na yun, klarong ang nais lang namin ay maging magkaibigan lang. Napapanindigan naman namin yun. Lalo na siya, dahil tinatawag niya akong weirdo tuwing magsisimula akong maglambing sa kanya.

Hinayaan ko lang, kahit masakit. Tawagin ka ba naman na weirdo. Pero meron talagang pagkakataon na siya naman ang naglalambing. Hinahayaan ko na lang. Ayoko na noong umasa, baka lalo lang akong masaktan. Nung unang beses kasi, sobrang bigat sa pakiramdam, ayoko nang maulit. Hindi ako noon iyakin, pero shet, tuwing umaga na lang bago ako matulog para akong tanga na nagdadrama sa kwarto.

Pero ganun talaga siguro pag mahal mo ang isang tao, kahit gaano mo pilit itago. Kahit gaano mo pilit itanggi, lalabas at lalabas din ang mararamdaman mo.

Isang araw, nagtext siya. Nagsabing may ginawang kagaguhan. Meron daw nangyari sa kanila ng isa niyang kaibigan. Syempre ako drama king, nasaktan. Nagalit. Walang dahilan alam ko, pero syempre pag nakarinig ka ng ganung kwento sa taong mahal mo, diba masasaktan ka din. Medyo nagsawa na ako na umasa sa kanya. Feeling ko wala naman kaming patutunguhan kaya kinausap ko siya.

Sinabi ko na di ko na kaya. Tinanong ako noon kung kaya kong maghintay, magtiis hanggang sa dumating yung panahon na marealize niya na mahal niya ako. Sinabi ko oo. Na magiging sulit yung paghihintay na yun. Pero noong panahon na iyon, naisip ko di na darating yun. Naghihintay lang ako sa wala. At dapat ko na siyang kalimutan. Nagpaalam ako noong araw din na yun.

May ilang araw din akong hindi nagparamdam. Minsan nagtetext siya, pero di ko pinapansin. Sinasagot ko pero wala na. Ayaw ko na.

HAPPY ENDING?Isang Sabado ng gabi, nililibang ko ang sarili ko dahil nga gusto ko nang makalimot nang nagtext siya. Hindi daw niya ako malimutan. Nahihirapan siya, dahil alam niyang mahal niya ako, pero di niya kayang panindigan. Natatakot siya na kapag dumating ang panahon na handa na siya ay hindi na niya ako mahanap ulit. Sinabi niya gusto niya ako.

Hindi ko natiis, nag-usap kami noong gabing iyon. Nag-iyakan. Naglabas ng sama ng loob. Sinabi ko sa kanya na naiintindihan ko ang sitwasyon niya. Bago siya sa ganitong klase ng relasyon at di ko siya pipilitin na gawin ang hindi niya kaya. Sinabi kong handa naman akong maghintay, basta alam ko lang na mahal niya din ako. Yun yung mahalaga.

Naging kami noong gabi ding iyon.

Naisip naming bakit kailangan pang patagalin. Alam naman namin ang nararamdaman namin sa isa’t-isa. Paninindigan na namin. Hindi naman magbabago yung nararamdaman namin. Wala nang dahilan para itago pa.

Pitong buwan din yun bago naging kami. Ang daming nangyari. Ang daming pinagdaanan. Pero sulit. Sobrang sulit ang lahat. Di kayang ipagpalit ng kahit ano ang kaligayahang nararamdaman namin ngayon.

Minsan nag-aaway kami (actually medyo madalas yun pareho kasi kaming may topak), pero kinakaya namin. Minsan lang kami magkita dahil medyo mahirap pa maghanap ng oras, pero natitiis namin. Minsan nakukulitan kami sa isa’t-isa pero pinapahaba namin ang pasensya namin. Ganun siguro talaga pag mahal mo ang isang tao.

Sabi ko nga, ginagawa ko siyang mas mabuting tao, sa parehong paraan na kinukumpleto niya ako.

Reposting para sa ikaapat na taon ng aming pagsasamahan.

Apr 8, 2014


Sabado ng gabi, ako'y naalimpungatan sa aking pagkakatulog. May mga batang naglalaro sa labas ng aking bintana. Malinaw ang kanilang boses, sila'y naghahabulan. Sa una'y hindi ko siya pinansin pero nang maalala ko na ako'y natutulog sa ikalawang palapag ng aming bahay, ako'y naalimpungatan.

Biglang tumahimik na sinundan ng malakas na hiyaw ng isang pusa.

Bumalik ang mga boses ng mga bata. Tila sila'y nagtatakbuhan palayo. 

"Nandyan na ang maligno!" ang huli kong narinig.

Iminulat ko ang aking mga mata.

Isang masamang panaginip. 

Tumabi sa akin si Georges St-Pierre at tinanong ako kung ok lang ba ako. Ikinuwento ko ang masamang panaginip na gumising sakin. 

Napatitig siya sakin. Medyo may pag-aalala. Pero sabi niya, wag ako mangamba dahil nasa tabi ko lang siya at ako'y kanyang babantayan habang natutulog.

Ako'y napangiti. Pero ang ngiti ko'y di nagtagal. Nakakarinig ako ng isang malakas na hilik. Ito'y nakapagtataka dahil kaming dalawa lang naman ang nasa kwarto. 

Hinanap ko ang pinanggagalingan ng nakakabahalang tunog. Sumilip ako sa aking kanan. Wala. Sa aking kaliwa. Wala. Naririnig din ni GSP ang humihilik pero wala siyang nakita. Tiningnan ko ang ilalim ng aking kama, ngunit wala pa rin akong nakita.

Nagising akong bigla.

Isang nakakabahalang panaginip.

Tumingin ako sa aking tabi. Si Kasintahan ay natutulog ng mahimbing.


Yan ang salitang tumatak sa aking isipan. Ako'y nagsimulang magdasal.

"Ama namin sumasalingit ka, sambahin ang ngalan mo..."

Napatingin ako sa labas ng aking bintana. Nakita kong bilog ang buwan. Pero parang may kakaiba. 

"Mapasaamin ang kaharian mo sundin ang loob mo..."

Ang kabilugan ng buwan, unti unting nababalot ng kadiliman.

Muli ako ay nagising. Bangungot.

Tang ina, sa isip ko hindi ako magising. Kinurot ko ang sarili ko para siguradong gising na ako. Si Kasintahan nasa tabi ko, mahimbing pa rin ang tulog. 

Niyakap ko siya. Baka sakali matatapos na ang mga bangungot ko.

Pero biglang may humila sakin patalikod kay Kasintahan. 

Isang itim na nilalang. Pilit akong niyayakap. 

Ang maligno. 

Niyayakap niya ako ng mahigpit. Hindi ako makagalaw. Hindi ako makahinga.

Pinipilit kong magising at makawala sa bangungot na ito. 

Bigla akong napaupo sa aking kama. Pawis na pawis at pilit hinahabol ang aking hininga.

Nagising si Kasintahan. 

Niyakap ko siya ng mahigpit. Kakaiba ang takot na aking nararamdaman sa di na natapos na bangungot. Walang bisa ang dasal. Pakiramdam ko'y ako'y mamamatay.

Hinalikan niya ako sa pisngi. Nananahan. 

"Matulog ka na ulit. Andito lang ako." sambit niya. Humiga kami parehong magkahawak ang kamay. 

Maya maya lang ay narinig ko ulit yung malakas na hilik.

Yung maligno.

Pilit kong ginigising si Kasintahan ngunit malalim na ang kanyang paghimbing. Naririnig kong lumalakas ang hilik. Sa aking likuran.

Nilingon ko ang pinanggagalingan ng tunog na aking kinatatakutan.

Isang itim na nilalang ang sa tabi ko'y natutulog. 

At ako ay nagising. 

Tunay na gising. 

Pinilit kong tumayo at uminom ng tubig.

11:49pm ang sabi ng orasan sa aking telepono.

Wala nang maligno.

Gising na ako.

Ang bilis ng pintig ng aking puso. 

Nagising si Kasintahan sa aking kalikutan.

Hindi ko na yata kayang bumalik pa at matulog.

Alas tres na nang muling pumikit ang aking mga mata.

Dec 29, 2013

BEST OF 2013

I don't think I can wait anymore for the last day of the year. I have work then, and I think I'll be busy doing work at home. So let's just do this today then.

As with my other Best Of posts, I would like to first thank everyone who stuck with this blog event hough I don't post the way I do before. Even though I'm less funny, I write very rarely and sometimes I don't make sense anymore. Thank you.

So let's get it started.

BEST MOVIE (International)
LAST YEAR: The Perks of Being a Wallflower
I think this is the year where science fiction was taken seriously. It's not always about a chosen one destined to save the world. It's not always about super powered beings from another planet. Science fiction can also be simple. Something like... being trapped in space. Alfonso Cuaron's Gravity is a perfect example of a simple science fiction tale. It is unbelievable how you can be at awe at the beauty of seeing our planet from space and  the same time afraid for Sandra Bullock's character. That is the power of great filmmaking, storytelling, superb acting and today's technology.
RUNNER-UP: The Kings of Summer, Before Midnight

LAST YEAR: Unofficially Yours
This year has brought us a surprisingly good number of awesome movies. Of course, we're still getting a bulk of romcoms, but we also got quite a number of quality films. A few of them were actually action films. If this were a different year, It Takes A Man and a Woman would have won the title, but since it's 2013, I choose OTJ as the best movie of the year. It is an awesome action film. Is it original? I don't think so. Filipino movie directors have been "inspired" by foreign films and some may compare this film to The Departed. It's action packed and it's intriguing. The fact that this is not a rom com alone gives it an edge over other titles.
RUNNER-UP: Four Sisters and a Wedding, It Takes A Man and A Woman

LAST YEAR: Mass Effect 3
Wow, this I had a really hard time choosing. While there are actually only two games that stood out, a lot of the nominees, if they were released another year would have easily won this distinction of being the best game. But how could you really choose between Grand Theft Auto V and The Last of Us? Both are really brilliant games. One has a really outstanding story with great gameplay and beautiful visuals. The other is a really huge game which no one could possibly want to stop playing. I could just make it easy and make it a tie, but there really has to be only one. I guess sky diving and dropping directly to a dirt bike then racing down the top of the mountain against a crazy drugged up daredevil, just because you followed a talking dog would trump an awesome zombie game this time. So, it is with great difficulty that I give the Game of the Year title of 2013 to Grand Theft Auto V.
RUNNER-UP: The Last Of Us

This is the first new title I'm giving out this year to replace comic book awards (if you don't know yet I have quit downloading them this year). I think it's only fair to separate the handheld titles from the console ones just because the quality between the two are really different. But then again this year, between my PSVita and 3DS, I played my handheld games longer than my consoles. Nintendo really had a strong showing this year with Luigi's Mansion, Fire Emblem, Pokemon and Animal Crossing. I think I spent literally hundreds of hours between the last three games. But the game I choose this year trumps them all not because of the length of time I played the game. Tearaway is a short game. But in the short time I played, it really pushed out all of the things my PSVita can do. From the touchscreen from the front back, camera, microphone, and everything else. All of them were used. Not all games could brag about that. And of course, it's got a great story.
RUNNER-UP: Fire Emblem, Animal Crossing: New Leaf, Pokemon X

BEST OF TV (Drama)
LAST YEAR: The Walking Dead
This is another tough category. But there are really only two shows that delivered really really strong episodes this year. Game of Thrones with Khaleesi's taking of The Unsullied and The Red Wedding. The Good Wife with it's Hitting The Fan and 100th episode. But really, only one episode is enough for me to give the title to The Good Wife. I have been a fan of the show since it's first season. But they really stepped up their game in it's first ten episodes this season. Just watch episode 5 (Hitting The Fan). I named it the best episode of any tv show ever. I clapped. I laughed. I sat on the edge of my seat. I got mad. All those different emotions just because of one episode. It's smartly written, brilliantly acted and generally just a joy to watch. I love this show.
RUNNER-UP: Game of Thrones

BEST OF TV (Comedy)
This is the other new category. Honestly, if I didn't separate the two categories, no comedy show would've won in Best of TV. I don't know why it took me five years to create this one. But I guess for one, there really hasn't been any truly strong sitcom on television the last few years. I think the golden era of sitcoms was the time when both Friends and Will & Grace were on air. Now, comedies just come and go. And this one, I'm afraid is a show that we may lose soon. The Mindy Project is a really funny series. Yes, Mindy can be a bit annoying. But really, there aren't that many shows that could make you laugh out loud or is tolerable to watch again other than this one.
RUNNER-UP: The Crazy Ones, New Girl

BEST OF TV (Local)
LAST YEAR: Be Careful With My Heart
Cathy Garcia Molina has been a strong presence in this annual thing I do, because she makes really 'kilig' movies. This year, she brought her signature work to television via my Best Pinoy TV Show, Got To Believe. This is again not originally nominated because it just started recently, but given it's newness, we it is a show that I really can't let go. I am not a fan of Daniel Padilla and Kathryn Bernardo, but I cannot deny that the couple has great chemistry. Something I last saw with John Lloyd Cruz and Bea Alonzo. The show itself is funny, charming, sweet and Carmina is an effective villain. I hate her. How can you really deny giving the title to Mama Bear, Papa Bear, Care Bear, Teddy Bear and Gummy Bear.
RUNNER-UP: Honesto, Juan dela Cruz

LAST YEAR: Madness / Muse
Breakup anthems have been the most relatable songs there is. I mean everyone has gone through one. Hearts have been broken at one point or another. While technically this song is not a breakup song, it's almost one. Pink has been on a roll lately in delivering really great songs, but Just Give Me A Reason is the best on her discography. Who doesn't know the lyrics to this song? It's about a couple having a trouble with their relationship and are trying to find a reason to stay with each other. Who hasn't been in this situation? That's enough for me for this song to be the best song of 2013.
RUNNER-UP: Blurred Lines

LAST YEAR: Wickedmouth
There hasn't been any blogger who has experienced more success this year other than Glentot himself. He's so successful he's now published. It's one thing all real bloggers would want for their blog. And that alone is reason enough for Wickedmouth to be this year's best blog... Again. I have had a chance to finally meet him this year when he gave me a signed copy of his book (which unfortunately was among the things that was taken from me by those fuckin' holduppers). Glentot, if you're reading this I need another copy of your book please!!! Anyway, if you don't believe me, just click the link and go to his blog. I'll shut down my blog if you tell me you didn't laugh in at least one of his posts.
RUNNER-UP: Alfabeto Della Mia Vita

Dec 3, 2013


Naituring ko na ang 2013 na pinakapanget na taon sa tanang buhay ko. Sa totoo lang, I don't think things will get lower than 2013. Namatay ang parrot ko. Naholdup ako. Sinalanta ni Yolanda ang tahanan namin sa Samar. At naging miserable ako sa trabaho ko.

Kaya masaya ako at malapit nang matapos ang taon na ito.

Gaya ng nakaraan, ako'y mangunguna na sa mga year end posts. Ito ang ikalimang taon ng aking paggrado sa buhay ko.

Tingnan natin kung anong average grade ko ngayong 2013.

CAREER 78% (2012 - 88%)
Gaya nang nasambit ko kanina, nitong taon na ito naging miserable ang buhay trabaho ko. Nagkaroon ako ng mga issue sa mga bagay na hindi ko na dapat binibigyang pansin. Napabayaan ko ang trabaho ko. At may punto pang bumaba ako sa pwesto ko para matigil na lahat ng stress ko sa trabaho. Pero di naman lahat eh negatibo. Natutunan kong maging mas pasensyoso. Narealize ko na ako ang may control sa karera ko, at kung gusto kong umusad ay kailangan kong lampasan lahat ng pagsubok sa trabaho. Ang maganda nito, ay hindi napalampas lahat ng magagandang nagawa ko sa opisina. Hiniling na ako'y bumalik sa binitiwan kong posisyon at napatunayan kong totoo nga ang karma. Next year, papasa ulit ito. Itaga niyo sa bato. 

SOCIAL LIFE 75% (2012 - 70%)
Tanggap ko na na hindi na magiging normal ang social life ko mula nang tinanggap ko ang trabaho sa US Operating Unit ng gasolinahang pinagsisilbihan ko. Pero kahit papaano ngayong taon ay medyo nag-improve naman ang social life ko.

Siguro ipagpapasalamat ko nang nagkaroon ng kotse ngayong taon si Kasintahan kaya nakakalabas labas na kami ng mas madalas ngayon. Nakapag out-of-town. Nakipagmeet sa ilan sa kanyang mga kaibigan. Nameet din niya ang ilang sa mga kaibigan ko.

Mas marami akong bagong nakilala ngayong taon. Ngunit ang nakakalungkot lang ay hindi ko man lang nakita kahit isang beses ang aking barkada / ex-housemates.

LOVE LIFE 95% (2012 - 95%)
Hindi na siguro magbabago to hanggang sa kamatayan ng blog ko.

Ako ay umiibig. At ako ay masaya sa larangan ng pag-ibig. Marami na kaming pinagdaanan at tiyak ko marami pa kaming susuungin na mga pagsubok. Basta ang alam ko mahal ko si Kasintahan at mahal din niya ako.

Ngayong Disyembre, tatlong taon at anim na buwan na kami. Ang tagal na!!!  Wala lang, naisip ko lang.

BLOG LIFE 75% (2012 - 75%)

Ang mahalaga sa akin pagdating sa aking blog life ay buhay pa rin ang blog ko.

Nakalimutan ko man noong isang buwan, pero sasabihin ko pa rin, WALONG TAON na ang blog ko!!! Gaya nitong nakalipas na taon, hindi na masyadong aktibo ang inyong lingkod sa pagsusulat o kahit pagkukumento sa mga tahanan ng ibang mga bloggers. Siguro ito'y dahil sa sobrang toxic ng aking trabaho ngayon ay nakakaligtaan ko na magbukas ng internet paminsan minsan.

Ngunit, nakakatuwa pa rin na sabihin na kahit papaano ay may mga nakilala pa rin akong mga bloggers sa personal. Tatlong pangalang mamamarkahan ko sa listahan ng mga nais kong makilala. At mayroon pa rin akong mga nadidiskubreng mga bagong tahanan na mapaglilipasan ng oras.

SAVINGS 80% (2012 - 74%)
Sa wakas, sa tatlumput isang taon kong pamamalagi sa mundong ito, ngayon lang natupad ang sinasabi kong magkakaroon ako ng sarili kong bank account. Mauumpisahan ko nang mag-ipon.

Ngayon ko rin lang narealize, na tatlong taon na rin pala akong nagbabayad pambili ng stocks sa gasolinahang aking pinaglilingkuran. At medyo malaki na rin ang aking tinubo dito. Malapit ko na rin matapos bayaran ang aking insurance plan. Ibig sabihin, malaki-laki na rin pala ang aking naiipon at mayroon na rin palang perang nakakabit sa aking pangalan.

Natupad na rin ang matagal nang pinapangarap ng nanay ko.

HEALTH 78% (2012 - 72%)
Okay, aaminin ko hindi pa ako pumapayat muli... Ang totoo medyo tumaba nanaman ako. Pero nagdecide ako na pataasin ang marka ko sa Health ngayong taon dahil sa maniwala kayo't sa hindi. Regular na akong tumatakbo at nagboboxing.

Well, semi-regular.

Hindi na ako bumabata. Kailangan nang magbago. Ang kulang ko na lang talaga disiplina. Saan ba nakakabili nun?

Pero anyway ayun nga, imbis na magbabad ako sa aking kwarto minsan o madalas nagagawa ko nang tumakbo ng 30 minutos hanggang isang oras. At kung may oras talaga ako, nag-gygym ako at nagboboxing. Ang sarap sa pakiramdam na kasya ulit at naisasara ko ang aking mga pantalon.

Pero gaya nga ng sabi ko, kulang na lang sakin ay disiplina.

AVERAGE  80.17%


Tumatanda na talaga ako. Noong isang taon, tumigil akong bumili ng comics. Ngayong taon naman, nagbukas na ako ng account sa bangko. Kahit papaano, may pera na ako. Nasimulan ko na rin mag-ehersisyo.

Sana sa pagtatapos ng 2014, mailalagay ko nang tuluyan ko nang napapayat ang sarili ko.

Kayo ano ang magiging grado niyo ngayong 2013?

Nov 10, 2013


2013 will go down on my history book as the worst year of my life.

There have been ups and there were way too many downs.  And a couple of the lowest points in my life happened only a few days ago.

NOVEMBER 7, 2013

I hurried home because that was my father's birthday. It was supposed to be a rest day for me and I wanted to help out in preparing for the party that afternoon/evening.

I could have taken a cab, which was the safest way to go, but I took the bus.

Unfortunately we were robbed by three armed men.

One man pointed a gun to my face. He took my phones, but I did not give my wallet. I thought he was done with me, but before they got off the bus he went back to me and took my bag.

They took almost everything. He took my phones, laptop, my hard drive, important IDs.

I am just thankful he did not take my life.

NOVEMBER 8, 2013

A day after, Super Typhoon Yolanda came.

The first hit, Guiuan Eastern Samar is my father's home town. And Tacloban, the worst hit by the storm was my mother's. We have a lot of relatives down there that we haven't heard from in a while now.

We can only wait and watch the news.

Fortunately or unfortunately, we found some photos of the town, but what we saw is disheartening. Our family home was totally destroyed.

There's still no word if anyone survived or if everyone's safe. I honestly don't know if this is something we could ever recover from.

We could only pray.

I hope you could all pray with me.
Our family home totally wrecked
Photo courtesy of Central Command, AFP