In order for us to be genuinely great friends, I think I need to learn how to not miss you.
Last night I was talking to my best friend, and he told me one thing that lightened up my shitty evening.
One of my most attractive straight best friends (he told me to say this, but it's true) has pigsa on his balls.
I know it's painful, but at least now I feel less crappy about my life. So thank you for sacrificing your balls and your pains for my happiness. You're really such an awesome bro!!!
Don't worry I'll never have fantasies about your perfect balls EVER again.
I love you my friend. Hahahaha.