Mga Sumasampalataya

Oct 11, 2009


For someone who lives an alternative lifestyle but haven't openly outed himself yet, it's difficult to find real friends. Friends you can really trust. I found out early that people like me could sometimes be cruel and you can't fully put your trust on the guys who may truly understand.

With my experience, specially after college, it was the gay crowd who ridiculed me. Maybe it was so I won't have to pretend anymore. I don't know. I wouldn't normally have a problem saying what I am when asked of my sexuality. But they didn't have to force it out on people, because they may not be ready yet. It's all about respect.

Anyway, naturally I found myself hanging out with the straight crowd more. There may have been things we wouldn't agree on, but we found we have a lot of things in common.

Thing is, befriending the straight guy (and I mean being really good friends and not just close acquaintances) isn't without it's risk. It's not hard. What's difficult is maintaining it, especially if you decide to out yourself to them. There maybe people who'll see that as a betrayal of their trust (specially if after outing yourself, you declare your love for them).

So I thought why not write my rules for being friends with straight men. My Bro Code.
  • The easiest way of ruining a brotherhood is falling in love with your straight friend.
  • Never mistake a friend's nice gesture as a sign that he's possibly for you. If he's nice to you, he's probably that way with everyone else.
  • Once you've established that the two of you are really good friends, sooner or later you'll have to tell him the truth about yourself.
  • But make sure that when you do, you have to be sure that he could really be trusted.
  • Do not lie to your straight friend. If you haven't outed yourself yet, and you're talking sexcapades, you can be vague. Not too much information, but just enough so you could brag about something too.
  • Once you've outed yourself, be sure that you're prepared to understand that he may not accept what you really are.
  • If he accepts you, don't immediately transform into a screaming fag when you're with him. He may have accepted you because of who you are when you met. So if you really need to change, do it subtly.
  • You can say no to your straight friend. It doesn't mean that just because he's given you the chance to be his friend that he can turn you into his doormat. A friend who can't take a rejection is not truly a friend. He's probably just using you.
  • If he doesn't, just give him time. If you're really good friends, even if it takes years for him to accept it, you'll still end up texting, talking or even hanging out with each other.
  • If your friend entertains the thought of same sex relationship, he's not straight. Bi-curious probably, but definitely not straight. And these rules do not apply.
This list is only a guideline for me. This is my way of showing them that I respect them and that I'm worthy of their trust, just as they are of mine.


B. said...

nice list. may i quote you on my blog?

rudeboy said...

Wala akong masabi.

Great post, engel!

Mugen said...

The only rule I apply when I'm with my straight friends is that you act, think and talk like them. It doesn't matter if you don't talk about girls, but be sure never to give away anything that would give hints about your sexuality.

Unless they ask for it.

domjullian said...

KUYA Engel,

agree for below:

Never mistake a friend's nice gesture as a sign that he's possibly for you. If he's nice to you, he's probably that way with everyone else.

hehehe.Never ever.Woot!

Share lang: We have an openly gay guy barkada in college and we treated him no different for he also doesn't want to be treated differently. Luckily, wala cyang malisya sa mga kaibigan and never cya nag take advantage sa amin o baka wala cyang type samin. He's sooo cool kasi talo pa nya kami sa inuman and nakaka usap namin cya about what girls like or think of us, unbiased.

the geek said...

musta, bro?

Mike said...

On our tropa circle since college, 6 of us are guys and 1 is a girl. Tindi ng pang-amoy nung babae kaya naamoy nya na gay yung isa naming kabarkada and she confronted him. When the guy opened up to the group, nothing has changed - he is still our good friend, unless he'll confess na may gusto sya sa amin.

Buti na lang, hindi pa ako tinatanong nung girl about my sexuality.

R. said...

Wow, ang dami kong natutunan from this entry.Ü

Eternal Wanderer... said...

Made a huge mistake of falling for a straight barkada. Good thing the foundations of our friendship was strong to start with, so we were able to eventually get over it.

Hmmmm. Maybe I should write about that hahahaha

<*period*> said...

kuya engel, salamat sa post na ito...ill remember this

Maxwell Flux said...

bromance between a PLU and a straight guy + wishful thinking on the part of the PLU guy = disaster.

secretly been there, done that.

period said...

kuya engel, i wont fall for someone who would just hurt me.someone who wouldn't want to be loved..someone who would rather hurt himself...deprive himself of the chance to fall in love again, than be a victim of cupid's arrows

citybuoy said...

very good! haha long overdue. it was about time someone wrote these rules down.

straight and gay men have built friendships since time immemorial but many have fallen along the way. it's a dangerous line to straddle pero they're the friendships i treasure most.

goodboi said...

I notice that these thoughts are becoming popular nowadays. And I wonder why it seems interestingly new for most of us when obviously it is derived from the usual never-betray-your-friend rule, that firstly existed in the hetero realm. Yes, dear Engel, the code you came up with applies to everyone, regardless of genders. The specificity of it makes it generally applicable and it is the sweet irony of it.

Keep it up, man. :-)

Knoxxy said...

:) yup!