UNAN

"Tahimik kanina sa office, hon. Di na yata sila sanay na pumapasok ako.

"Kinausap na ulit ako ni Ben. After three months. Naalala mo yung pinag-awayan namin? Yosi. Ang babaw diba? Tatlong buwan kaming hindi nag-usap dahil dun.

"Pati si boss kanina kinamusta ako. Hon, di ko alam kung ano ang sasabihin ko. Paano nga ba ipapaliwanag yung nararamdaman ko?

"Tahimik ka naman eh. Di mo rin siguro alam. Di mo naman pinagdadaanan yung pinagdadaanan ko."

Buntong hininga.

"Hon, nagpaplano pala sina Jeck na mag-out-of-town next weekend. Di ko alam kung sasama ba ako. Papayag ka ba if ever?

"Matagal ko na rin naman kasi sila hindi nakakasama ng pamilya niya. Ano sa tingin mo?

"Dami akong gustong gawin ngayon, hon. Hindi ko lang alam kung paano ko sisimulan. Ikaw lang kasi iniisip ko. Baka magalit ka.

"Sana sinasagot mo ako hon."

Pinatay ko ang ilaw.

"Matutulog na ako. hon

"I love you. Good night...

"I miss you so much."

Bulong ko sa unan. Isang linggo nang kunin samin ang asawa ko. Hindi na yata ako masasanay na hindi siya kausap bago kami matulog.

Matutulog nanaman akong lumuluha.

***********
Keso mode ako these days. Dahil siguro bilog nanaman ang buwan.

Eto muna pagtiyagaan niyo mga peeps, kasi hindi pa nabubuo yung dapat na susunod kong post. Di pa gumagana masyado ang utak ng inyong lingkod.

NASAAN ANG BLADE?

Dahil matagal-tagal na rin akong hindi nag-update sa inyo ng tungkol sa buhay ko. Naisip ko, siguro it's time for me to 'fess up.

***************
A few months ago, medyo masaya ako. Meron akong constant na kausap. Kakulitan. Kakwentuhan.

Hindi naging kami. Di naman kasi pwede. Bata pa siya. Ang laki kasi ng agwat ng edad namin. Hindi naman talaga issue sa amin yun, pero hindi pa panahon.

Pagdaan ng Bagong Taon bigla siyang nawala. Tumigil sa pagreply. Hindi na nakikipagchat. Wala. Pinutol lahat ng means of communication sakin.

Masakit. Hindi dahil nabasted nanaman ako. Sanay na ako dun. Ang masakit yung matapos ng ilang buwan, mapuputol lahat ng nakasanayan mo. Ang kausap bago matulog. Pag gising. Bago magtrabaho. Habang bumibiyahe pauwi. Yung nagkukwento ng mga sobrang corny na joke. Sa tanang buhay never ako nakapaglaro ng song connection sa phone. Sa kanya lang. Ika nga, special siya sa akin. Sobra. May punto pa nga na talagang pinaglaban ko kung anuman ang meron kami, para di mawala. Kulang na lang lumuhod ako sa gitna ng ulan habang sinisigaw ang pangalan niya.

Sometimes we can't help but let our hearts rule over our heads.

Noong panahon na yun sobrang depressed ako. Siguro kung may nakita akong blade, baka may peklat na ngayon ang braso ko. Sobrang nalugmok ako noon. Mababasa ninyo sa plurk at facebook ko. Yung ilan pa nga sa inyo, pinayuhan akong lumayo sa blade at lubid.

Pero tuloy pa rin ang ikot ng mundo. Nawala ang sakit. Nakalimot ako. Natanggap ko rin, na wala siyang naramdaman para sa akin. All we had was an illusion. Gaano man kahirap tanggapin.

Pero every once in awhile kinakamusta niya ako. Nakikibalita. Nagsosorry sa pag-iwan sakin sa ere. Naintindihan ko naman yun. Bata pa nga kasi siya. Hindi pa niya alam kung ano ang gusto niya.

Kagaya kanina, nakapag-usap kami ng masinsinan. And I think we're trying to repair whatever was broken because of what happened.

Sana maayos.

**********
So ayun. Kwento ko lang. Keeping you guys up to date sa aking love life. Na until now is non-existent nanaman.

Masaya naman ako, so wag kayo mag-alala. Di ko kelangan umiwas sa blade o baril o tali o kahit anong matalas na bagay.

It's just minsan malungkot isiping merong mga bagay na sana iba ang naging ending.

OVERHAUL

Love is in the air, all around. I don't know it could be the heat. It could be genuine. It could be destiny. But look around, everyone's in love.

And then there's us single people.

Pining in the distance for our crushes. Writing about having fun being on our own. When deep inside we just want to be with someone.

I hide everything with a smile. A joke. A twisted fictional story. But dammit there are days I just want to approach someone and convince them I'm the one. Somehow, I picture violence involved. Kidding of course.

***********

Last week someone mentioned that the best way to find the person meant for you is to completely stop looking for love.

How? When everything you see. Everything you hear. The things you read. They tell us we should be with someone.

***********

I showed my blog to a friend the other day.

After reading it, he asked me my age. He wanted to confirm that this blog was written by someone who's twenty eight and not someone who just hit puberty.

He hammered on me the things that made this blog less me and more... what's the term... immature.

• I rant and rave about celebrities that I will never see again.
• Instead of living life... I'm ranting about not living it... and write it on my blog.
• My fiction's okay, but they're all open ended.
• It's a bit shallow.
• But when I write about the more me posts, I kinda not suck.
• And he told me I closed the wrong blog.

Then he asked me, why I opened this blog and the other one. I thought I knew the answer to both questions.

***********

A few hours ago, I was at the listening end of a How I Met Your Mother Style recollection of a new found friend's love life.

I realized I am 28.

I write like I'm 18.

I think like I'm 21.

But I look so much older.

If I want to live a life that for me is ideal, I have to change things.

***********

I actually opened a third blog where I thought I should post about things I realized about me. About my life. Why there are some things I wanted that I still haven't gotten.

But why create something else? I write for myself. I should do it here.

It's about time that Gillboard grows up.

THE MURTAUGH LIST

The Murtaugh list is a list of things a person is too old to do. I got this from How I Met Your Mother. You see Mr. Murtaugh, from the Lethal Weapon series, played hilariously by Danny Glover is the senior between the two cops (him and Mel Gibson). So anyway they often go after bad guys the extreme way and Murtaugh always end up saying "I'm too old for this shit." Hence the list of things, one's too old to do.

Okay, so here's my list of things I'm too old for.

• Start smoking.
• Experiment on illegal substances.
• Have sex with minors.
• Be a fan of the Jonas Brothers, Miley Cyrus and Hannah Montana.
• For pamorningan drinking sessions.
• To climb up and hang out on treetops.

There may be more, I can't think of anything else at the moment. But of course there are things you'll never be too old to do.

• Laugh at those crazy cartoons.
• To have awesome time doing crazy stuff with your friends
• To start a new hobby.
• Change your lifestyle.
• Start saving money.
• And to fall in love.

What's on your Murtaugh List?

FILM REVIEW: KICK ASS

I didn't want to post any film reviews, but darnit I can't move on after watching this movie last Saturday.

I LOVE KICK ASS!!!

I will try not to put spoilers on this post, but it's really going to be hard.

Okay, so where do we start?

Kick Ass is from Director Matthew Vaughn, the director of Stardust and is based from the graphic novel of the same name written by Mark Millar (of Wanted fame) with art by John Romita Jr.

It's set in the real world and what happens when people without super powers try to don costumes like real life super heroes. It tells the story of Dave Lizewski, a teen-aged nerd who fancies comic books and asks us, why can't normal folks don costumes to fight crime. One day he wears one, stops a gang-related violence and becomes a youtube sensation. That's when other costumed vigilantes start showing up. But what happens when real life bad guys target these heroes?

THIS IS NOT FOR EVERYBODY. If you're the type of person who is against violence against women and children or is generally conservative, you're not going to appreciate this film.

Why? It's got an eleven year old girl who kills, maims, guts people, plays with balisongs and gets shot by her father close range for fun. People love Hit Girl. She may not be the perfect role model... but she is so COOL!!! Whenever she's around, people inside the cinema starts clapping and cheering and goes wild! I love it!!!

I wasn't able to finish collecting the mini series, I only got to issue 2, so I wouldn't really know if the film was like really faithful to the comic, but what I saw was. The first few scenes, Kick Ass' first encounter as a costumed freak, the youtube thing... they're all there. It was nice seeing on the big screen what you've read on paper. But reviews are saying, that the movie is even better than the original story. I'd have to agree, seeing as how Wanted was way better than the comic book because it veered away from how it was originally conceptualized.

Let me tell you this, Kick Ass is a VERY violent movie. There's alot of blood squirting happening on this film. And I mean alot!!! Considering this though, it's still a smart movie. It's got a little bit of heart. It's funny, the violence comes from when scenes are of this little girl, and you'll feel the heart when it's scenes involving the title character Kick Ass.

I have no critiques on this movie because I absolutely loved it!!! If there is, I'd say is that I want more Hit Girl!!! First awesome film I have seen so far this year.

RATING: 9.8 STARS OUT OF 10

HANGING OUT

Before you react upon seeing an update from my link, don't get your hopes up. This blog is still dead. This is just a one-off thing I'm doing because I can't sleep.

Something I need to get off my chest. Something I can't share on my other blog.

I was actually contemplating on the weekend that passed. It was fun. I get to cross another on my birthday wishlist. I had a great time.

Okay moving on, if you still remember, I don't have alot of PLU friends. So I don't really know what to do when I'm hanging out with one... or two.

You see last Saturday, I hung out with a couple of blog friends or friends (at least I'd like to think we're now friends). Anyway, so we were hanging out at Starbucks in Araneta Center, and one of the things I noticed with them, is that they were commenting on other guys that were passing by or hanging out in the area. Are they a couple? If they were, how long have they been together? Stuff like that.

Not that it's weird or wrong or anything. It's something new for me. When I hang out with my friends, we don't point out other guys to check if they're a couple or not. My straight friends don't bother with those things. They don't care. They're straight.

Like I said, it was something new. I wanted to say my piece, but I didn't know where to start. I could only smile.

I need to hang out more with people like me.

CELEBRITY SIGHTING

Masaya ako ngayong araw dahil kahit wala akong tulog ay nadagdagan nanaman ang minarkahan ko sa wishlist ko noong kaarawan ko.

Pero hindi tungkol dyan ang kwento ko.

Noong Biyernes, ako'y nagmalling para sa aking weekly comics purchase. Syempre, bagong sweldo kaya excited gumastos.

Sa aking paglalakad papunta ng opisina galing Planet X Comics, ay nakasalubong ko si Marc (o Mark) Abaya ng Kjwan. Artista,

Hindi ako taong gubat na ilap na makakita ng artista. Noong grade school ako, naging kalaro ko si Gio Alvarez (kung di mo kilala yun, igoogle mo... sa Ang TV siya sumikat). Marami na akong nakitang celebrities. Ang post na ito ay tungkol sa aking impression nang makita ko ang mga artistang nakita ko na.

MARC ABAYA: Akalain mo yun, mas matangkad ako sa kanya. Pero maganda ang girlfriend niya.

ANNE CURTIS: Hindi siya maganda sa personal... Dyosa siya!!! Saksakan ng ganda!!!

JOHN LLOYD CRUZ: Nakasalubong ko siya sa elevator noong nagaapply ako sa trabaho at siya'y nagshoshooting ng A Very Special Love. Nabakla ata ako sa kanya. Pre-man-boobs pa yun ha!!!

CHRISTINE REYES: Hindi mo maiiwasang lingunin siya kasi SOBRANG ganda niya sa personal. Whoooh... ang init!!!

DINGDONG DANTES: Pre-manboobs din ito... nag-aaral pa siya noon sa San Beda... wala lang... pangkaraniwan... mukha siyang bugnutin noon.

KC CONCEPCION: Crush na crush ko siya noong hindi ko pa siya nakikita sa personal... pero noong nangyari na... parang... ay ganun lang... pangkaraniwan... maganda siya... pero yun lang...

SNOOKY SERNA: Batang-bata pa ako noon... Kakahulog mula sa bangin... at dun ko nalamang peke ang ulan sa mga pelikula... mukha siyang basang sisiw.

MARC NELSON: Galing ata siyang gym noon, ewan ko... pero may naamoy akong kakaiba nung nakasalubong ko na siya.

RIZZA SANTOS: Kung di niyo siya kilala... kasali siya sa PBB Celebrity Edition 2 dati... ang payat at ang tangkad niya in person... nagmukha akong dwende sa tabi niya. Pero ang ganda niya!!!

DINKY DOO JR: Suki siya ng SM Sucat... wala lang... kilala ko lang siya... ang jologs ko talaga!!!

DINO GUEVARRA: Kapitbahay namin siya... di ko lang alam kung hanggang ngayon... hindi ko nakita yung balahibo niya sa leeg... yun lang.

BATISTA: Ang LAKI niya!!! Kung may mas maliit pa sa dwende.. yun ako sa tabi niya!

Kayo, sino na ang mga nakita ninyong celebrity at ano impression niyo sa kanila?

I'M THINKING...

...of writing a song.

...I miss watching Glee.

...of ways to put on words, entries I want to post.

...I want to commit.

...I want to go videoke.

...I miss posting in english.

...of skipping work to just sleep all day... forever!!! (I don't want to die just yet)

...I need to find more reasons to love my job.

...I'm stressed out, but I love my work.

...I miss my old schedule. 2am til 11am.

...just realized... I only watch Glee for the music... not the story.

...I change my mind quickly...

...I'm narcissistic.

...I have no idea why Johan and Cathy's being built up as stars... they're the 2 most irritating people in Big Brother.

...and speaking of Big Brother... this version looks boring.

...it's already 5:15pm and I need to take a bath already.

...but I'm still enjoying chatting with this blogger.

...I want to do something out of the box again.

...I will take a bath already... finally.

***************

Obviously, haven't the slightest idea what to write for my blog. Sigh.

NEWLY WEDS

"...And to end this toast, isa lang ang hihilingin ko sa bagong kasal. Sa kapatid kong si Isabel and sa best friend kong si Emon, sana po sabayan niyo ako. Let's ask for a kiss, one more time from the newly weds!" malakas na sabi ng aking Best Man at bayaw kong si Brent.

Sabay-sabay nagtunugan ang hiyawan ng mga bisita at ng kanilang mga kutsarita habang pinapatama sa baso. Senyales na kelangan kong halikan muli ang aking asawa. Malugod naming pinagbigyan ng aking maybahay ang kanilang hiling. Isang mahabang halik ang aming ipinakita sa mga taong humiling. Lahat sila nagpalakpakan.

"Thank God, the wedding's over." pangiting sabi sa akin ni Isabel habang tinutulungan akong tanggalin ang aking necktie.

"Nakakapagod pala yung kinakasal. Buti tapos na," sabay yakap sa aking butihing maybahay.

"Everything happened so fast, yeah?"

Isang ngiti lang ang naisagot ko.

Marahil dahil sa pagod, nahiga na lang ako sa kama sa aming hotel room.

"Do you want to open our gifts Emon?" tanong ni Isabel. Hindi na niya hinintay ang sagot ko. "I'm going to open them up anyway. Sumama ka na lang if you want to."

"Was Liz in our wedding Isabel?" tanong ko sa kanya.

Wala akong narinig mula kay Isabel. Ilang saglit lang dumating siya sa kwarto. Tumayo lang si Isabel sa may pintuan at nakatingin sa akin.

"Change your clothes Emon, medyo amoy pawis ka na. Take a shower first before going to sleep." utos ni Isabel.

Kahit pagod, tumayo ako at kumuha ng pamalit. Amoy pawis nga ako. Pagbalik ko galing ligo, nakahiga na sa kama si Sabel. Tumabi ako sa kanya.

"Have we taken things too far, Emon?" tanong niya sa akin.

Hindi ako sumagot.

"We know this is not going to work. You only agreed to do this because I asked you to."

Napangiti ako.

"Alam ko. You did this para magselos si Liz, and ako para mapalapit ako sa Kuya Brent mo. But who knows, malay mo tunay na lalake pala ako and ikaw straight girl ka rin."

Humiga na ako at tumalikod sa kanya. Ipinikit ang mata at pinilit makatulog.

DAY FOUR

Just scratching the itch to write something in english again. I miss this.

Like pretty much everyone else who's a little bit insecure about their lives, I felt that my life is boring. I mean, nothing much happens to me. The usual stuff. So I thought, for 2010 I should do something spontaneous for 10 days. Something out of the box for me. Things other people will see as stupid.

Today was Day 4.

So to keep you up-to-date with the three previous days that I have not chronicled in this blog, here is a rundown of all the things I did before today:

DAY 1: Locked myself in a cubicle in the office washroom to... pet my stiffy.
DAY 2: Flirt with a random stranger... she turned me down. Epic fail.
DAY 3: Close a blog (it was either Gillboard or the other one... I loved this more)

Now we're on Day 4.

A little trivia about me. The company I work for, they only pay us once a month. Huge companies in the Philippines apparently do that. Anyway, so after a long period of hefty paychecks from my employers, last March there was nothing really special that came in terms of bonuses or what have you. So we were paid our basic salary, plus night diff and the usual.

Needless to say, three weeks later I no longer have budget to last me until next payday (which is April 15). So earlier this evening, I took out the rest of my cash from the bank to budget for the next 8-9 days.

I didn't have change. Not even twenties or hundreds. And I'm embarassed to pay using coins because that would mean I'd have to take out my ziploc plastic bag to get my coins (my coin pars' zipper broke last week).

With no change, and no plans of getting my crispy bills changed, I decided to do Day 4. I won't pay for my commute for the day.

The FX was easy. I only have to fake sleeping, and since alot of people get off in Baclaran, I'd only need to wake up at the precise moment and get off. And that's what I did. Not to say that the whole thing was easy because my heart was literally trying to escape from my chest the whole way. I was paranoid. Does this woman beside me know I didn't pay my fare? Will she tell? Will the guy on the other side of me by the door let me out if the fx driver says I did not pay my fare?
Twenty bucks is not worth all this crazy shit I went through.

It was a long twenty minute ride. Snow Patrol, Aiza Seguerra, Sponge Cola, Kris Allen and Taylor Swift can't drown the guilt away from me.

Thankfully, the Kuya who was beside me also got off in Baclaran. So that was a relief. Now comes the hard part, THE BUS.

That is harder. How do you outsmart someone who deals with these things on a daily basis. I mean, I have coins, I could pay them the eleven pesos easily if I want to. But I don't. I'm already in the zone. It's don't-pay-your-fare-day today.

I had an idea. I actually took the greedy bus. The ones that wait until it's almost full before they leave. I sat at the back. I took different colored tickets that were left on the sides of the window, at the back of the seats etc. Midway while travelling and while bus boy (don't know the english of kunduktor) was busy getting tickets from my fellow passengers, I moved to an empty seat towards the front (in Libertad) where some people get off. So now, the bus boy just passed me, and when he got to my place to check if I have tickets...

I paid him. I did not have the same colored ticket he was giving the passengers.

Nice try though. 50/50. Not bad at all for a first timer.

I'm not going to do that again though. The guilt is going to give me aneurism or a heart attack.

MANUNULA

Ang gusto ko lang naman ay mahalin ako. Hindi naman mahirap iyon. Mababaw lang ako. Hindi ko kailangan na dalhin sa pinakamalalayo't pinakamagagandang lugar sa mundo, basta alam kong gusto ako ng kasama ko, nasa langit na ako.

Ang gusto ko lang naman ay mahalin ako. Hindi ako guwapo. Hindi ako matipuno. Hindi ako matalino. Okay, matalino ako ng kaunti. Hindi rin ako maghahangad ng mga ganung tao. Basta ba tanggap mo ang mga topak ko, ang puso ko'y iyung-iyo.

Ang gusto ko lang naman ay mahalin ako. Hindi ko kailangan ng mamahaling regalo. Hindi ako maghahangad na ipakilala mo sa mundo. Hindi mo nga kailangang araw-araw kausapin ako. Basta hawak ko ang mga kamay mo, maligaya na ako.

Ang gusto ko lang naman ay mahalin ako. Hindi mo kailangang gustuhin ang mga pinagkakaabalahan ko. Hindi nga kita kukuliting basahin ang mga sinusulat ko. Hindi din kita pipiliting mahalin ang mga mahal ko. Basta papasukin mo ako sa mundo mo, okay nako.

Ang gusto ko lang naman ay mahalin ako. Hindi ako perpektong tao. Ako'y nagkakamali. Natutukso. Nabuburaot. Nababato. May pagka-ugaling manyakis din ako. Pagalitan mo man ako, basta ba kakampihan mo ako, pipilitin kong kahit papano'y magbago.

Ang gusto ko lang naman ay mahalin ako. Ipakita mong interesado ka. Iparamdam mong mahal mo ako. Yun lang ang kailangan mong gawin, mahuhulog na ako. Ang gusto ko lang naman ay mahalin ako.

****************

Ang dami kong ninais isulat kanina... walang mabuo... Kaya hayaan ninyo akong magrepost ng tulang ginawa ko ilang buwan na ang nakakaraan... Kung tula mang maituturing yan...

Happy Easter sa inyong lahat!!! Sana'y naging mabait kayo nitong mga nakalipas na mga araw, at sa mga susunod pang mga araw..