UNAN

"Tahimik kanina sa office, hon. Di na yata sila sanay na pumapasok ako.

"Kinausap na ulit ako ni Ben. After three months. Naalala mo yung pinag-awayan namin? Yosi. Ang babaw diba? Tatlong buwan kaming hindi nag-usap dahil dun.

"Pati si boss kanina kinamusta ako. Hon, di ko alam kung ano ang sasabihin ko. Paano nga ba ipapaliwanag yung nararamdaman ko?

"Tahimik ka naman eh. Di mo rin siguro alam. Di mo naman pinagdadaanan yung pinagdadaanan ko."

Buntong hininga.

"Hon, nagpaplano pala sina Jeck na mag-out-of-town next weekend. Di ko alam kung sasama ba ako. Papayag ka ba if ever?

"Matagal ko na rin naman kasi sila hindi nakakasama ng pamilya niya. Ano sa tingin mo?

"Dami akong gustong gawin ngayon, hon. Hindi ko lang alam kung paano ko sisimulan. Ikaw lang kasi iniisip ko. Baka magalit ka.

"Sana sinasagot mo ako hon."

Pinatay ko ang ilaw.

"Matutulog na ako. hon

"I love you. Good night...

"I miss you so much."

Bulong ko sa unan. Isang linggo nang kunin samin ang asawa ko. Hindi na yata ako masasanay na hindi siya kausap bago kami matulog.

Matutulog nanaman akong lumuluha.

***********
Keso mode ako these days. Dahil siguro bilog nanaman ang buwan.

Eto muna pagtiyagaan niyo mga peeps, kasi hindi pa nabubuo yung dapat na susunod kong post. Di pa gumagana masyado ang utak ng inyong lingkod.

NASAAN ANG BLADE?

Dahil matagal-tagal na rin akong hindi nag-update sa inyo ng tungkol sa buhay ko. Naisip ko, siguro it's time for me to 'fess up.

***************
A few months ago, medyo masaya ako. Meron akong constant na kausap. Kakulitan. Kakwentuhan.

Hindi naging kami. Di naman kasi pwede. Bata pa siya. Ang laki kasi ng agwat ng edad namin. Hindi naman talaga issue sa amin yun, pero hindi pa panahon.

Pagdaan ng Bagong Taon bigla siyang nawala. Tumigil sa pagreply. Hindi na nakikipagchat. Wala. Pinutol lahat ng means of communication sakin.

Masakit. Hindi dahil nabasted nanaman ako. Sanay na ako dun. Ang masakit yung matapos ng ilang buwan, mapuputol lahat ng nakasanayan mo. Ang kausap bago matulog. Pag gising. Bago magtrabaho. Habang bumibiyahe pauwi. Yung nagkukwento ng mga sobrang corny na joke. Sa tanang buhay never ako nakapaglaro ng song connection sa phone. Sa kanya lang. Ika nga, special siya sa akin. Sobra. May punto pa nga na talagang pinaglaban ko kung anuman ang meron kami, para di mawala. Kulang na lang lumuhod ako sa gitna ng ulan habang sinisigaw ang pangalan niya.

Sometimes we can't help but let our hearts rule over our heads.

Noong panahon na yun sobrang depressed ako. Siguro kung may nakita akong blade, baka may peklat na ngayon ang braso ko. Sobrang nalugmok ako noon. Mababasa ninyo sa plurk at facebook ko. Yung ilan pa nga sa inyo, pinayuhan akong lumayo sa blade at lubid.

Pero tuloy pa rin ang ikot ng mundo. Nawala ang sakit. Nakalimot ako. Natanggap ko rin, na wala siyang naramdaman para sa akin. All we had was an illusion. Gaano man kahirap tanggapin.

Pero every once in awhile kinakamusta niya ako. Nakikibalita. Nagsosorry sa pag-iwan sakin sa ere. Naintindihan ko naman yun. Bata pa nga kasi siya. Hindi pa niya alam kung ano ang gusto niya.

Kagaya kanina, nakapag-usap kami ng masinsinan. And I think we're trying to repair whatever was broken because of what happened.

Sana maayos.

**********
So ayun. Kwento ko lang. Keeping you guys up to date sa aking love life. Na until now is non-existent nanaman.

Masaya naman ako, so wag kayo mag-alala. Di ko kelangan umiwas sa blade o baril o tali o kahit anong matalas na bagay.

It's just minsan malungkot isiping merong mga bagay na sana iba ang naging ending.

OVERHAUL

Love is in the air, all around. I don't know it could be the heat. It could be genuine. It could be destiny. But look around, everyone's in love.

And then there's us single people.

Pining in the distance for our crushes. Writing about having fun being on our own. When deep inside we just want to be with someone.

I hide everything with a smile. A joke. A twisted fictional story. But dammit there are days I just want to approach someone and convince them I'm the one. Somehow, I picture violence involved. Kidding of course.

***********

Last week someone mentioned that the best way to find the person meant for you is to completely stop looking for love.

How? When everything you see. Everything you hear. The things you read. They tell us we should be with someone.

***********

I showed my blog to a friend the other day.

After reading it, he asked me my age. He wanted to confirm that this blog was written by someone who's twenty eight and not someone who just hit puberty.

He hammered on me the things that made this blog less me and more... what's the term... immature.

• I rant and rave about celebrities that I will never see again.
• Instead of living life... I'm ranting about not living it... and write it on my blog.
• My fiction's okay, but they're all open ended.
• It's a bit shallow.
• But when I write about the more me posts, I kinda not suck.
• And he told me I closed the wrong blog.

Then he asked me, why I opened this blog and the other one. I thought I knew the answer to both questions.

***********

A few hours ago, I was at the listening end of a How I Met Your Mother Style recollection of a new found friend's love life.

I realized I am 28.

I write like I'm 18.

I think like I'm 21.

But I look so much older.

If I want to live a life that for me is ideal, I have to change things.

***********

I actually opened a third blog where I thought I should post about things I realized about me. About my life. Why there are some things I wanted that I still haven't gotten.

But why create something else? I write for myself. I should do it here.

It's about time that Gillboard grows up.

THE MURTAUGH LIST

The Murtaugh list is a list of things a person is too old to do. I got this from How I Met Your Mother. You see Mr. Murtaugh, from the Lethal Weapon series, played hilariously by Danny Glover is the senior between the two cops (him and Mel Gibson). So anyway they often go after bad guys the extreme way and Murtaugh always end up saying "I'm too old for this shit." Hence the list of things, one's too old to do.

Okay, so here's my list of things I'm too old for.

• Start smoking.
• Experiment on illegal substances.
• Have sex with minors.
• Be a fan of the Jonas Brothers, Miley Cyrus and Hannah Montana.
• For pamorningan drinking sessions.
• To climb up and hang out on treetops.

There may be more, I can't think of anything else at the moment. But of course there are things you'll never be too old to do.

• Laugh at those crazy cartoons.
• To have awesome time doing crazy stuff with your friends
• To start a new hobby.
• Change your lifestyle.
• Start saving money.
• And to fall in love.

What's on your Murtaugh List?

FILM REVIEW: KICK ASS

I didn't want to post any film reviews, but darnit I can't move on after watching this movie last Saturday.

I LOVE KICK ASS!!!

I will try not to put spoilers on this post, but it's really going to be hard.

Okay, so where do we start?

Kick Ass is from Director Matthew Vaughn, the director of Stardust and is based from the graphic novel of the same name written by Mark Millar (of Wanted fame) with art by John Romita Jr.

It's set in the real world and what happens when people without super powers try to don costumes like real life super heroes. It tells the story of Dave Lizewski, a teen-aged nerd who fancies comic books and asks us, why can't normal folks don costumes to fight crime. One day he wears one, stops a gang-related violence and becomes a youtube sensation. That's when other costumed vigilantes start showing up. But what happens when real life bad guys target these heroes?

THIS IS NOT FOR EVERYBODY. If you're the type of person who is against violence against women and children or is generally conservative, you're not going to appreciate this film.

Why? It's got an eleven year old girl who kills, maims, guts people, plays with balisongs and gets shot by her father close range for fun. People love Hit Girl. She may not be the perfect role model... but she is so COOL!!! Whenever she's around, people inside the cinema starts clapping and cheering and goes wild! I love it!!!

I wasn't able to finish collecting the mini series, I only got to issue 2, so I wouldn't really know if the film was like really faithful to the comic, but what I saw was. The first few scenes, Kick Ass' first encounter as a costumed freak, the youtube thing... they're all there. It was nice seeing on the big screen what you've read on paper. But reviews are saying, that the movie is even better than the original story. I'd have to agree, seeing as how Wanted was way better than the comic book because it veered away from how it was originally conceptualized.

Let me tell you this, Kick Ass is a VERY violent movie. There's alot of blood squirting happening on this film. And I mean alot!!! Considering this though, it's still a smart movie. It's got a little bit of heart. It's funny, the violence comes from when scenes are of this little girl, and you'll feel the heart when it's scenes involving the title character Kick Ass.

I have no critiques on this movie because I absolutely loved it!!! If there is, I'd say is that I want more Hit Girl!!! First awesome film I have seen so far this year.

RATING: 9.8 STARS OUT OF 10

HANGING OUT

Before you react upon seeing an update from my link, don't get your hopes up. This blog is still dead. This is just a one-off thing I'm doing because I can't sleep.

Something I need to get off my chest. Something I can't share on my other blog.

I was actually contemplating on the weekend that passed. It was fun. I get to cross another on my birthday wishlist. I had a great time.

Okay moving on, if you still remember, I don't have alot of PLU friends. So I don't really know what to do when I'm hanging out with one... or two.

You see last Saturday, I hung out with a couple of blog friends or friends (at least I'd like to think we're now friends). Anyway, so we were hanging out at Starbucks in Araneta Center, and one of the things I noticed with them, is that they were commenting on other guys that were passing by or hanging out in the area. Are they a couple? If they were, how long have they been together? Stuff like that.

Not that it's weird or wrong or anything. It's something new for me. When I hang out with my friends, we don't point out other guys to check if they're a couple or not. My straight friends don't bother with those things. They don't care. They're straight.

Like I said, it was something new. I wanted to say my piece, but I didn't know where to start. I could only smile.

I need to hang out more with people like me.

CELEBRITY SIGHTING

Masaya ako ngayong araw dahil kahit wala akong tulog ay nadagdagan nanaman ang minarkahan ko sa wishlist ko noong kaarawan ko.

Pero hindi tungkol dyan ang kwento ko.

Noong Biyernes, ako'y nagmalling para sa aking weekly comics purchase. Syempre, bagong sweldo kaya excited gumastos.

Sa aking paglalakad papunta ng opisina galing Planet X Comics, ay nakasalubong ko si Marc (o Mark) Abaya ng Kjwan. Artista,

Hindi ako taong gubat na ilap na makakita ng artista. Noong grade school ako, naging kalaro ko si Gio Alvarez (kung di mo kilala yun, igoogle mo... sa Ang TV siya sumikat). Marami na akong nakitang celebrities. Ang post na ito ay tungkol sa aking impression nang makita ko ang mga artistang nakita ko na.

MARC ABAYA: Akalain mo yun, mas matangkad ako sa kanya. Pero maganda ang girlfriend niya.

ANNE CURTIS: Hindi siya maganda sa personal... Dyosa siya!!! Saksakan ng ganda!!!

JOHN LLOYD CRUZ: Nakasalubong ko siya sa elevator noong nagaapply ako sa trabaho at siya'y nagshoshooting ng A Very Special Love. Nabakla ata ako sa kanya. Pre-man-boobs pa yun ha!!!

CHRISTINE REYES: Hindi mo maiiwasang lingunin siya kasi SOBRANG ganda niya sa personal. Whoooh... ang init!!!

DINGDONG DANTES: Pre-manboobs din ito... nag-aaral pa siya noon sa San Beda... wala lang... pangkaraniwan... mukha siyang bugnutin noon.

KC CONCEPCION: Crush na crush ko siya noong hindi ko pa siya nakikita sa personal... pero noong nangyari na... parang... ay ganun lang... pangkaraniwan... maganda siya... pero yun lang...

SNOOKY SERNA: Batang-bata pa ako noon... Kakahulog mula sa bangin... at dun ko nalamang peke ang ulan sa mga pelikula... mukha siyang basang sisiw.

MARC NELSON: Galing ata siyang gym noon, ewan ko... pero may naamoy akong kakaiba nung nakasalubong ko na siya.

RIZZA SANTOS: Kung di niyo siya kilala... kasali siya sa PBB Celebrity Edition 2 dati... ang payat at ang tangkad niya in person... nagmukha akong dwende sa tabi niya. Pero ang ganda niya!!!

DINKY DOO JR: Suki siya ng SM Sucat... wala lang... kilala ko lang siya... ang jologs ko talaga!!!

DINO GUEVARRA: Kapitbahay namin siya... di ko lang alam kung hanggang ngayon... hindi ko nakita yung balahibo niya sa leeg... yun lang.

BATISTA: Ang LAKI niya!!! Kung may mas maliit pa sa dwende.. yun ako sa tabi niya!

Kayo, sino na ang mga nakita ninyong celebrity at ano impression niyo sa kanila?

I'M THINKING...

...of writing a song.

...I miss watching Glee.

...of ways to put on words, entries I want to post.

...I want to commit.

...I want to go videoke.

...I miss posting in english.

...of skipping work to just sleep all day... forever!!! (I don't want to die just yet)

...I need to find more reasons to love my job.

...I'm stressed out, but I love my work.

...I miss my old schedule. 2am til 11am.

...just realized... I only watch Glee for the music... not the story.

...I change my mind quickly...

...I'm narcissistic.

...I have no idea why Johan and Cathy's being built up as stars... they're the 2 most irritating people in Big Brother.

...and speaking of Big Brother... this version looks boring.

...it's already 5:15pm and I need to take a bath already.

...but I'm still enjoying chatting with this blogger.

...I want to do something out of the box again.

...I will take a bath already... finally.

***************

Obviously, haven't the slightest idea what to write for my blog. Sigh.

NEWLY WEDS

"...And to end this toast, isa lang ang hihilingin ko sa bagong kasal. Sa kapatid kong si Isabel and sa best friend kong si Emon, sana po sabayan niyo ako. Let's ask for a kiss, one more time from the newly weds!" malakas na sabi ng aking Best Man at bayaw kong si Brent.

Sabay-sabay nagtunugan ang hiyawan ng mga bisita at ng kanilang mga kutsarita habang pinapatama sa baso. Senyales na kelangan kong halikan muli ang aking asawa. Malugod naming pinagbigyan ng aking maybahay ang kanilang hiling. Isang mahabang halik ang aming ipinakita sa mga taong humiling. Lahat sila nagpalakpakan.

"Thank God, the wedding's over." pangiting sabi sa akin ni Isabel habang tinutulungan akong tanggalin ang aking necktie.

"Nakakapagod pala yung kinakasal. Buti tapos na," sabay yakap sa aking butihing maybahay.

"Everything happened so fast, yeah?"

Isang ngiti lang ang naisagot ko.

Marahil dahil sa pagod, nahiga na lang ako sa kama sa aming hotel room.

"Do you want to open our gifts Emon?" tanong ni Isabel. Hindi na niya hinintay ang sagot ko. "I'm going to open them up anyway. Sumama ka na lang if you want to."

"Was Liz in our wedding Isabel?" tanong ko sa kanya.

Wala akong narinig mula kay Isabel. Ilang saglit lang dumating siya sa kwarto. Tumayo lang si Isabel sa may pintuan at nakatingin sa akin.

"Change your clothes Emon, medyo amoy pawis ka na. Take a shower first before going to sleep." utos ni Isabel.

Kahit pagod, tumayo ako at kumuha ng pamalit. Amoy pawis nga ako. Pagbalik ko galing ligo, nakahiga na sa kama si Sabel. Tumabi ako sa kanya.

"Have we taken things too far, Emon?" tanong niya sa akin.

Hindi ako sumagot.

"We know this is not going to work. You only agreed to do this because I asked you to."

Napangiti ako.

"Alam ko. You did this para magselos si Liz, and ako para mapalapit ako sa Kuya Brent mo. But who knows, malay mo tunay na lalake pala ako and ikaw straight girl ka rin."

Humiga na ako at tumalikod sa kanya. Ipinikit ang mata at pinilit makatulog.

DAY FOUR

Just scratching the itch to write something in english again. I miss this.

Like pretty much everyone else who's a little bit insecure about their lives, I felt that my life is boring. I mean, nothing much happens to me. The usual stuff. So I thought, for 2010 I should do something spontaneous for 10 days. Something out of the box for me. Things other people will see as stupid.

Today was Day 4.

So to keep you up-to-date with the three previous days that I have not chronicled in this blog, here is a rundown of all the things I did before today:

DAY 1: Locked myself in a cubicle in the office washroom to... pet my stiffy.
DAY 2: Flirt with a random stranger... she turned me down. Epic fail.
DAY 3: Close a blog (it was either Gillboard or the other one... I loved this more)

Now we're on Day 4.

A little trivia about me. The company I work for, they only pay us once a month. Huge companies in the Philippines apparently do that. Anyway, so after a long period of hefty paychecks from my employers, last March there was nothing really special that came in terms of bonuses or what have you. So we were paid our basic salary, plus night diff and the usual.

Needless to say, three weeks later I no longer have budget to last me until next payday (which is April 15). So earlier this evening, I took out the rest of my cash from the bank to budget for the next 8-9 days.

I didn't have change. Not even twenties or hundreds. And I'm embarassed to pay using coins because that would mean I'd have to take out my ziploc plastic bag to get my coins (my coin pars' zipper broke last week).

With no change, and no plans of getting my crispy bills changed, I decided to do Day 4. I won't pay for my commute for the day.

The FX was easy. I only have to fake sleeping, and since alot of people get off in Baclaran, I'd only need to wake up at the precise moment and get off. And that's what I did. Not to say that the whole thing was easy because my heart was literally trying to escape from my chest the whole way. I was paranoid. Does this woman beside me know I didn't pay my fare? Will she tell? Will the guy on the other side of me by the door let me out if the fx driver says I did not pay my fare?
Twenty bucks is not worth all this crazy shit I went through.

It was a long twenty minute ride. Snow Patrol, Aiza Seguerra, Sponge Cola, Kris Allen and Taylor Swift can't drown the guilt away from me.

Thankfully, the Kuya who was beside me also got off in Baclaran. So that was a relief. Now comes the hard part, THE BUS.

That is harder. How do you outsmart someone who deals with these things on a daily basis. I mean, I have coins, I could pay them the eleven pesos easily if I want to. But I don't. I'm already in the zone. It's don't-pay-your-fare-day today.

I had an idea. I actually took the greedy bus. The ones that wait until it's almost full before they leave. I sat at the back. I took different colored tickets that were left on the sides of the window, at the back of the seats etc. Midway while travelling and while bus boy (don't know the english of kunduktor) was busy getting tickets from my fellow passengers, I moved to an empty seat towards the front (in Libertad) where some people get off. So now, the bus boy just passed me, and when he got to my place to check if I have tickets...

I paid him. I did not have the same colored ticket he was giving the passengers.

Nice try though. 50/50. Not bad at all for a first timer.

I'm not going to do that again though. The guilt is going to give me aneurism or a heart attack.

MANUNULA

Ang gusto ko lang naman ay mahalin ako. Hindi naman mahirap iyon. Mababaw lang ako. Hindi ko kailangan na dalhin sa pinakamalalayo't pinakamagagandang lugar sa mundo, basta alam kong gusto ako ng kasama ko, nasa langit na ako.

Ang gusto ko lang naman ay mahalin ako. Hindi ako guwapo. Hindi ako matipuno. Hindi ako matalino. Okay, matalino ako ng kaunti. Hindi rin ako maghahangad ng mga ganung tao. Basta ba tanggap mo ang mga topak ko, ang puso ko'y iyung-iyo.

Ang gusto ko lang naman ay mahalin ako. Hindi ko kailangan ng mamahaling regalo. Hindi ako maghahangad na ipakilala mo sa mundo. Hindi mo nga kailangang araw-araw kausapin ako. Basta hawak ko ang mga kamay mo, maligaya na ako.

Ang gusto ko lang naman ay mahalin ako. Hindi mo kailangang gustuhin ang mga pinagkakaabalahan ko. Hindi nga kita kukuliting basahin ang mga sinusulat ko. Hindi din kita pipiliting mahalin ang mga mahal ko. Basta papasukin mo ako sa mundo mo, okay nako.

Ang gusto ko lang naman ay mahalin ako. Hindi ako perpektong tao. Ako'y nagkakamali. Natutukso. Nabuburaot. Nababato. May pagka-ugaling manyakis din ako. Pagalitan mo man ako, basta ba kakampihan mo ako, pipilitin kong kahit papano'y magbago.

Ang gusto ko lang naman ay mahalin ako. Ipakita mong interesado ka. Iparamdam mong mahal mo ako. Yun lang ang kailangan mong gawin, mahuhulog na ako. Ang gusto ko lang naman ay mahalin ako.

****************

Ang dami kong ninais isulat kanina... walang mabuo... Kaya hayaan ninyo akong magrepost ng tulang ginawa ko ilang buwan na ang nakakaraan... Kung tula mang maituturing yan...

Happy Easter sa inyong lahat!!! Sana'y naging mabait kayo nitong mga nakalipas na mga araw, at sa mga susunod pang mga araw..

ANG SET-UP

Set-ups. Hindi ito yung paraan ng pag-eehersisyo para lang lumiit ang tyan mo. Di na ata yun ang tawag dun ngayon. Crunches na (waleeeeeeeeeeeey!!!).

Ang set-up na pag-uusapan natin ngayon ay ang isang maliit na kumplikasyon sa buhay na malimit ay nagbibigay ng hinanakit sa ating puso. Hindi ito isang relasyon, kundi isang set-up. Gaya ba ng pagpayag maging kabit sa isang may asawa. Pakikipag live-in sa taong alam mong walang balak pakasalan ka kahit anim na ang anak ninyo. Ang palihim na pagtingin sa taong tinuturing mo na best friend mo. Pagbabayad ng mga bading sa mga papa nila para mahalin sila. Fuck buddy.

Walang masama sa pagpayag na maging parte ng isang set-up. Yun nga lang, palagay ko, hindi ito masyadong ideal para sa mga romantikong kagaya ko. Pag binaligtad mo ang salitang to, ang makukuha mong word eh upset... actually putes pero di naman tayo nagpapakaliteral...

Masakit siya sa ulo, para ba kasing wala ka nang pagpipilian. Wika nga sa ingles, you are just settling for what is available, and not what you deserve. Para na ring sinasabing pagiging desperado.

Kung ako ang tatanungin, ayoko ng set-up. Maaaring ito muna ang maging pundasyon ng isang matibay na relasyon, pero kasi parang hindi fair. Dahil sa mga ganitong pagkakataon, isa lamang ang may napapala. At ang isa, maaaring umaasa sa wala.

Mahirap. Masakit.

Lalo na't naniniwala ako na ang bawat isa sa atin, hindi lang ako ay may karapatan na mahalin ng buong buo ng taong mamahalin natin.

Ikaw, papayag ka ba sa set-up lang?

MY TOP FILMS: 'SUP BITCHES

I've been itching to post something in english for awhile now, but I haven't the faintest idea what to write about. So anyway, I woke up really early this morning because I have been putting off this evaluation that I need to submit tonight at work. But before I start working on it, I thought why not make a post.

Actually, the idea came up because I just finished watching Misery on Star World. I think they're showing Oscar winning films this whole month. Anyway, Kathy Bates was a crazy ass bitch in this movie, so I thought I think I need to post about movies' biggest bitches. This is a list of the movies craziest villainess...es.

I was actually contemplating on whether or not I should put Anabel Rama, Kris Aquino or Jason Ivler's mother here... but I'm not Professional Heckler so I just decided to stick with the movies. Kathy Bates made the list though. So enjoy.

CRUELLA DE VIL (101 DALMATIANS)

I thought why start with someone really intense. Everyone on this list are crazy ass bitches. But then again, there are still those who belong in that category that could still be watched by kids under age. Anyway, anyone who enjoys killing animals to make fur clothes is automatically crazy. She did that in 101 and 102 Dalmatians. I love both the cartoon version and Glenn Close. They were nasty. Plus I love me some crazy Glenn Close as you'll see further down this list.

DEBB IE SALT (Scream 2)

Well, you only find out how crazy this woman is towards the end of the movie, but still Debbie Salt (played by Laurie Metcalf) was really a crazed lunatic in the film. I mean why wouldn't she, her son was a crazy killer in the first film, he must've gotten that crazy genes from somewhere. So how demented was Debbie Salt? Well, she hung out on serial killer websites, planned the murder of Sidney Prescott's friends and... well I don't remember anymore. I just know she's crazy.

HEDY CARLSON (SINGLE WHITE FEMALE)

There's a filipino term about people who are "nasa loob ang kulo." Hedy Carlson is that type of person. She's shy. She's level headed. Kinda quiet. Kinda like the female version of me. But there is something seriously wrong with Hedy Carlson. Hedy is one half of a twin. Who died. And she's looking to have another twin sister... forever. I know... delirious, right?! Crazy white females. Yish. Oh yeah, and there's nothing wrong with me. I'm not that crazy... hehehe

MRS. MOTT (THE HAND THAT ROCKS THE CRADLE)

Rebecca DeMornay is crazy hot. She's like a cougar. And no crazy father will not hire this woman as your child's nanny. Unfortunately, she holds a secret that might as well have that family end up dead. She's the wife of the doctor who killed himself after being found guilty of molesting his patients. And she will have her revenge. If you think Hedy Carlson was bad... Mrs. Mott was worse. She's not even crazy. What was that about a woman scorned?

ESTHER (THE ORPHAN)

The loss of a child is hard for a family, most specially if the marriage itself is at stake. So when a couple like Kate and John decided to adopt an orphan, things seem to look up for their family. That is until strange things start to happen and people get maimed and killed. I won't surprise the twist with Esther. But she is one scary mother effer. I remember hugging my clutchbag tightly while watching the movie. That was one crazy bitch.

ANNIE WILKES (MISERY)

The problem about being a good writer is that sometimes you have all kinds of fans. People who are nice, to crazy to homicidal and downright demented. That's what Paul Sheldon had. A crazy fan who likes to kill babies and torture people. Annie Wilkes portrayed brilliantly by Kathy Bates woke me up this morning because I can't get my eyes glued out of the television. She's not the traditional villain you can have a way with nice words. She's smart. And she's really hard to kill. A really scary woman.

ALEX FROST (FATAL ATTRACTION)

So what did we have so far? A crazy old lady. A demented roomie. A vengeful nanny. A homicidal orphan and a miserable nurse. What would top off the craziest bitches list in Hollywood? Of course, what else but a woman in love. Glenn Close was absolutely amazing as this crazy mistress from Fatal Attraction. She is probably the worst nightmare a married man would ever have. A woman who does not want to end a one night stand. So desperate to be loved that she'll kill your family to have you. I'm sure this scared the bejeezus out of married men to stay loyal to their wives.

BLOG HOPPER

Nitong mga nakalipas na linggo, eh medyo hindi na ako masyadong nakakapag blog hop. Hindi sa tinatamad ako, although medyo nagiging busy na rin naman ako sa trabaho. Pero ang mabigat na dahilan para sa akin kung bakit hindi na ako masyadong nangaangapit-bahay sa iba-ibang blog, eh napansin kong sobrang dami na talaga ng mga blog ngayon.

At sa sobrang dami na, at sa tagal ko na ring nandito sa mundo ng blogosperyo, eh napapansin ko na halos lahat ay pare pareho na lang ng isinusulat.

Natutuwa ako, na itong mundong ito na pinagkakaabalahan ko ay lumalaki. Na maraming tao na ang nawiwiling magsulat at magbasa. Na maraming naglalabas ng kanilang mga saloobin sa pamamagitan nito. Pero feeling ko dumating na yung punto na wala ng bago.

Bato-bato sa langit ang tamaan wag magagalit. Opinyon ko lang naman ito. Wala akong masamang hangarin dun sa mga papansinin ko. Blog yun ng may-ari at may kalayaan sila na magsulat ng kahit anong gusto nila. Hindi ko rin naman babasagin ang trip niyo.

At hindi rin po ako naghahanap ng gulo. Iisa-isahin ko lang ang mga dahilan kung bakit hindi ako masyadong napapadalas mangapit-bahay sa blogosperyo:

MGA PATAWA
Aaminin ko, ang mga sikat na blog ngayon eh yung mga blog na nakakatawa. Mapa-satire man gaya ng kay Professional Heckler, o mga personal blog na gaya ng kay Xienahgirl. Ang hook ng karamihan sa blog eh ang kanilang komedya. Ngalang, dumadami ito masyado. Na yung iba, nagpapatawa lang para magpapansin. Kahit walang katuturan yung sinusulat nila. Hindi ako nagmamalinis, dahil may mga pagkakataon na ganun din ako. Ang iba lang sa akin, eh may tema mga sinusulat ko. At di ako barubal. Gaya ng sinabi ko, blog nila yan at walang pumipigil sa kanilang magsulat ng gusto nila. Malabo nga lang akong maging suki ng mga ganung panulat.

MGA NAGSASARA
Maraming mahuhusay na manunulat. Hindi man sila sikat. Pero madalas ay makakarelate ka sa kanilang mga inilalathala. Maging ito man ay tungkol sa kanilang buhay pag-ibig. Pamilya. Trabaho. Kaibigan. Kahit ano pa man. Magsusulat sila, at makikita mo ang sarili mo sa mga sinasabi nila. Yun nga lang, ang iba sa kanila ay may buhay sa labas ng blog nila. Kaya hindi nila ito madalas sulatan, at kung mamalasin pa, magpapaalam sila. Nakakalungkot lang.

WALANG PINAGKAIBA
Dahil sa sobrang dami ng mga blogero't blogera dito, hindi rin maiiwasan na karamihan ay magkakapareho. Ang daming nagpapaka-emo. Marami ding walang ibang alam gawin kung hindi magreklamo. Basahin mo ang blog ng isa, paglipat mo sa iba, ganung ganun din ang kwento nila. Iba lang ang nagsulat. Yung iba naman, unti-unti nang iniiwan ang pagsusulat para ang kanilang blog ay gawing photoblog. Again, wala akong nakikitang masama dun. Nanghihinayang lang ako dun sa mga magagaling na magsulat.

HINDI NA MAKARELATE
Di ko alam kung sadyang tumatanda na ako, o bumabata ang mga nagsusulat dito, pero karamihan sa mga nababasa ko, medyo hindi na ako nakakarelate. Minsan kasi, yung iba tungkol sa gimik nila. Sa usapan ng barkada. Meron pang iba na sobrang nosebleed magsulat. Tagalog na nga, di mo pa maintindihan. Mga 5 years ago nang madiskubre ko itong mundong ito, ang mga nababasa ko tungkol sa kwento ng buhay ng mga manunulat. Panliligaw. Away sa opisina. Mga kwentong pangkaraniwan. Ngayon, merong tungkol sa sex life nila. Mga kalokohan nila. Mga pinag-aaralan sa eskwela. Mga bagay na kadalasan, ang hirap paniwalaan.

Hindi na ako masyadong aktibo sa blogosperyo. Sabihin nating nalipasan ng panahon. Mahirap din pala pag lumalaki na ang mundong ito.

Pero natutuwa ako na yung mga paborito kong binabasa eh buhay pa rin. At yung iba, kahit di ko pa nakikita eh mas lalo kong nakikilala.

*********************
PS

Isang malaking favor naman. Sana po ay samahan ninyo akong magdasal para sa mabilis na paggaling ng lola ng isa sa mga matalik kong kaibigan dito sa blogosperyo na si Domjullian. Nasa ospital siya noong Lunes pa. Alam kong marami sa inyo dito ang malakas kay Bro.

Salamat.

KWENTONG KASAL

Kahapon ay kinasal ang unang pares sa barkada namin. Sa totoo lang, nagulat ako na siya ang nauna, dahil nung magkakasama pa kami sa apartment, for a time, siya lang ang single. Pero, ika nga ang tadhana ay iba maglaro. Inunahan niya kaming lahat. At ngayon malapit na rin siyang maging tatay. Kahit papaano, feeling ko may pag-asa talaga ako... hehehe

Kaya bilang tribute sa bagong kasal, magkukwento ako ng mga kwentong kasal. Matagal tagal na rin akong hindi nagsusulat ng mga kwentong Gillboard. Namiss ko lang.

KASAL 1

Marami-rami na akong nagampanan sa kasal... ring bearer, coin bearer, bisita, abay, at taga sindi ng kandila. Pero ang pinakahindi ko makakalimutan ay yung isang kasal kung saan ako'y naging isang Best Man. Lalong lalo na dahil hindi ko kilala yung groom.

Nasa kolehiyo pa lang ako nun. At isang gabi, pag-uwi ko galing pasok, lahat ng kamag-anak ng groom ay hinihintay ako. Ambush. Sabi nila biglaan yung kasal dahil nabuntis ni groom si bride. Biglaan lahat, kaya minadali rin yung paghahanda sa kasal. Sa pamilya ni groom inihanda na nila lahat... except nakalimutan nilang may best man pa pala... at dahil nasa probinsya lahat ng kaibigan ni groom, ako na lang yung choice nila. Dahil best friend ng pamilya nila yung nanay at tatay ko...

Ako naman, dahil naambush na... wala nang choice kundi umoo. Ginampanan ko naman ng maayos ang role ko bilang best man... pero malay ko ba na pagdating ng reception, kelangan kong gumawa ng toast. Ano ba naman ang alam ko dun? Hindi ko naman kilala si groom!!!

Pawis na pawis, at walang maisip... ang tanging nasabi ko lang. "Cheers sa bagong kasal na sina Mr. and Mrs. Fernandez!!!"

Fernando ang apelyido nila.

KASAL 2

Gaya ng sinabi ko... nakapag-abay na rin ako. Pero yung kasal na yon, medyo weird.

Nakarinig na siguro kayo ng kasal na di natuloy dahil di sumipot si bride o si groom... pero yung kasal na yun... ang hindi sumipot... yung PARI!!!

Pero hindi yun yung weird part... kapitbahay namin yung kinasal... sa una... di ko naiintindihan nung una kasi hayskul pa lang ako noon...

Noong una, parang normal lang... nagmartsa kami... lahat ng ginagawa sa kasal sa umpisa, ginawa namin... pero pagdating sa altar... walang nangyayari, kasi nga walang pari. Halos isang oras din kami naghintay... hindi naman umiiyak si bride or walang dramang nagaganap.. pero walang nangyayari.. bigla na lang, sinabi samin ng kapitbahay na tumuloy na lang daw kami sa reception.

Nagtataka, sige umoo na lang kami. At tumuloy sa reception. Ang mas nakakapagtaka... sa reception, lahat ng tao kumocongratulate sa mag-asawa na parang kinasal nga. Ako ngumiti lang. Sa reception, tuloy pa rin yung program. May cutting of cake... kalapati... basta lahat-lahat ng ginagawa sa reception, ginawa nila... toast.. at lahat ng tao eh masaya... in fairness, dahil mayaman yung pamilya ng kapitbahay ko... sobrang sarap at sosyal ng pagkain...

Nakapagtataka lang talaga yun. Walang pari, pero parang ayus lang sa kanila. Parang walang nangyari.

Or may kasal na nangyari na hindi namin namamalayan. Hmmmm...

KASAL 3

Eto ata ang pinakapaborito kong kasal. Kasal ng pinsan ko mga 3 years ago.

Sobrang bonggang bongga dahil parehong US navy soldiers yung kinasal. Parehong mayaman. At dahil parehong stateside sila, yung buong angkan nila umuwi ng Pilipinas.

At dito sa bahay namin silang lahat nakatira. Dito ata nagsimula akong tumaba. Paano ba naman araw-araw parang fiesta sa bahay namin. ANG DAMING PAGKAIN!!! At dahil nga maraming balikbayan, ang dami kong nahalbat na bagong tshirt, chocolate, at kung anu-anong pasalubong.

Nakilala ko rin ang ilan sa aming mga kamag-anak na hindi ko alam nageexist. Dun ko narealize ang dami ko palang pinsan na hot!!! Ngalang, masama ang incest. Hay.

At eto pa. Dito lang ako nakaranas ng Wedding Rehearsal. Yung parang sa mga American movies. Ang sosyal diba!!! Panalo. Dun sa dinner, akala ko nga may kakanta ng Say A Little Prayer. At sa Manila Hotel pa nakatulog yung iba. Hay.

Yung kasal, normal lang. Walang masyadong drama na naganap. Actually, walang kwento sa kasal mismo. Dun sa pre-wedding lang. Ang saya kasi. Hehehe

DAY THREE

One of the hardest thing to write about when you're a blogger, is admitting you lied. What I wrote about the last post was a lie. When I wrote about the muse being gone, that was the truth.

But I actually have no intention of writing for this blog anymore.

I'm closing down Engel's Tell All.

I wish I could write a reason that would make sense as to why I came up with this decision, but I can't. I just woke up today, not having any drive to update this anymore.

Maybe it's already served it's purpose. Maybe I've already said all I wanted to say. Maybe I'm just going with the trend of closing down blogs. Whatever it is, I have lost any more reasons to post anything else in this blog I called home for the last seven months.

But I wanted to post one more time so I can leave properly.

One of my reasons for starting the tell all was to meet people like me. People who understand what I'm going through. And I did. I met alot of awesome people. Wise men. Cool guys. Boys that are hot. I even dated a blogger, so in terms of achieving the goal I have done so and actually got more. I became friends with them.

So to all of you, I say thank you. Writing the tell all was one of the best decisions I made. And meeting all of the people who read, commented, disagreed, and passed by this blog was the best reward. 18000 hits, 100 followers, I don't think I deserved all of it. So THANK YOU. Words cannot describe how much I appreciate letting me in your lives even if its just by sharing yours through your blogs. It's nice to know you're not alone.

I'm sure you're not going to miss me. This blog may not be updated anymore, but I'll still be around. Reading. Commenting. I won't be gone.

I am a blogger.

The hardest thing to write when you are a blogger: saying goodbye.

DAY TWO

Because of changes at work, for the rest of the month I'll be coming in to work an hour early. While that's fine because of the taxi reimbursement and everything, I don't like the shorter hours of sleep.

So anyway, being the model employee that I am, I decided to come to work a few hours earlier. If you're thinking this is another one of those CR moments, you're a pervert.

Anyway, knowing me, I can't stay inside the office for two hours doing nothing so I decided to go out and hang out in the nearest Starbucks.

For a payday Monday and a rush hour at that, the cafe I went to was surprisingly empty. Save for this cute girl reading Mitch Albom's Have A Little Faith. She was alone outside with her little book and kinda looked bored.

I've read parts of the book, and found some of it a little bit too preachy that's why I'm only a quarter through it. A month and a half after I bought it. She was almost at the end.

Anyway, I thought, it's been awhile since I talked to random strangers. Even longer to flirt with a girl. So I decided to do a Day Two.

Approach a random stranger and talk to her. Maybe flirt a little.

So I sat by the table beside hers. She was actually prettier up close. I like her nose. It's pointed, although she doesn't look like she's a half-blood. But she really has this nice pointed, semi-spanishy nose. She's not mestiza. Just fair. Probably from La Salle, I don't know. She's got that La Sallite feel the way she drinks her coffee.

So anyway, I decided to make my move. I mean I look decent today. Smelled of Guess Man. So I was at least presentable.

"That's Mitch Albom's newest book, right?" I asked.

She hesitated to answer. She looked around, checked if I was talking to someone else. But it was just the two of us.

She looked at me, kinda irritated. But she answered my question with a nod.

"I have a copy of one, but haven't finished it yet. Is it any good?"

She just looked at me, closed her book, packed up and left.

So there goes my day two. Attempt flirting with a girl and get dumped.

Epic fail, right?

ANG 'DATING' DAAN

Oo na, ang corny ng title. Wala akong maisip eh.

Actually repost lang ito. Naisip kong muling ilagay sa blog ko ito dahil medyo matagal na rin since huli akong lumabas sa tunay na date. Wala rin naman kasi. Kahit pa bayaran ko, walang pumapatol... hehehehe. Kelangan ko lang ng refresher, para hindi ako mapahiya kung ako'y lalabas ulit. Kahit hindi pa ako masyado handang makipagdate. Flirt flirt lang muna.

Pero in case dumating ang tamang panahon at ako'y handa na muling sumabak sa pakikipaglandian in person, eto ang aking rules of dating.

WAG PIPILITIN KUNG HINDI TALAGA KAYA
Oo na, matagal ka nang walang sex, este date, at ito ang unang pagkakataon na ikaw ay makakalabas kasama ang isang taong pinagkakagaanan mo ng loob. Pero kung may sakit ka, at kailangan mo talagang magpahinga, eh magpahinga ka. Huwag mong pipilitin ang sarili mo, dahil hindi ito makakabuti para sa inyong dalawa. Number one, kung ikaw yung tipong humahalik sa unang date, yung kasama mo siguradong hindi ka hahalikan nun. Takot lang niyan mahawahan mo, diba? Walang masama na magreschedule (wag lang paabutin ng 3 reschedule). Mas maganda ang kalalabasan ng date niyo kung pareho kayong masigla.

SHOPPING IS NOT EQUAL TO DATE
Unless mahilig din magshopping ang kadate mo (siguro pareho kayong lalake, o babae), hindi magandang date activity ang shopping. Ilang beses ko nang naisulat sa blog na ito, na ang mga lalake hindi gustong umiikot sa loob ng malaking mall para maghanap ng mga bagay na walang kinalaman sa kanila. Kung gusto mong maulit ang date ninyo, manuod na lang kayo ng sine, o gawin mo sa ibang araw ang pamimili ng mga kikay kit, belt at dresses. Dahil kahit ngumingiti sa'yo ang kasama mo. Sa loob-loob nito, hindi na mauulit ang date ninyo. Saka niyo na utuin ang mga lalakeng sumama sa inyo magshopping, pag kayo na.

HINDI MASAMANG MINSAN IKAW NAMAN ANG MAKIKINIG
Rules of Dating ko lang ito, hindi lahat ng sinusulat ko dito ngayon eh mga napansin ko sa lakad ko noong Sabado. Ika nga, naka-generalize ang lahat ng ito. This rule applies sa mga taong self-centered at narcissistic. Huwag naman ganun. Alam ko na kung gusto mo ang isang tao, gagawin mo ang lahat nang maimpress siya sa'yo. Natural lang yun, walang masama dun. Pero wag naman to the point na palagi na lang ikaw ang nagsasalita. Ipakita mo rin sa kasama mo na interesado ka sa kanya. Tanungin mo siya ng mga hilig niya, kumusta naman ang araw niya, o kaya nama'y tungkol sa pamilya niya. Unless pipi yung kadate mo, hindi maganda na ikaw lang ang nagsasalita.

Pero, hindi rin maganda na palagi lang siya ang pinagkukuwento mo. Yung tipong sa kakatanong mo sa kanya tungkol sa buhay niya, pwede nang ikaw ang sumulat ng liham kasaysayan niya sa Maalaala Mo Kaya. Tapos siya walang alam sa buhay mo. Give and take lang yan.

PATUNAYANG CHIVALRY IS NOT YET DEAD
Ipakita niyo sa mga babae na chivalry is not yet dead. Oo, gusto ng mga makabagong babae na pantay ang turing sa kanila, pero hindi ibig sabihin nun na ayaw na nilang pinagbubuksan sila ng pintuan o kaya nama'y tinutulungang magbuhat ng bag o mga pinamili. Kung magandang first impression ang hanap ninyo, walang kwenta ang mga magagandang kwento ninyo sa sarili niyo kung lumalabas na hindi kayo considerate kapag kinakailangan. Kung sa tingin ng babae ay OA ang ginagawa ninyo, okay lang yan. Maaaring hindi siya yung tipong nakakaappreciate ng effort. Makakahanap rin kayo ng ganun. At least masasabi ninyong sa mga date ninyo eh gentleman kayo... kahit sa totoong buhay eh manyak kayo.

TANDAAN ANG MGA BABAE MADADALDAL
Kung ayaw ninyong maging tampulan ng chismis kung yung kadate ninyo eh nasa circle of people you know, pag may date kayo eh behave lang kayo. Marami akong kaibigang babae, at nagkukuwento talaga sila kapag hindi nila nagustuhan yung nangyari sa lakad nila. Kung nag-enjoy yang mga yan, quiet yan, kunwari di sasabihin, pero pag konting pilit bibigay din. Pero pag badtrip ang lakad ninyo, kahit hindi niyo tanungin idadaldal niyan!!! Kaya mag-ingat kayo, and make sure na lagi kayong best foot forward sa mga date ninyo. Pansinin niyo, pag maganda ang labas ng date niyo (kunwari officemate mo kadate mo), iba ang tingin sa inyo ng mga nasa paligid niyo. Pero pag panget, wala, kuliglig lang ang maririnig mo.

HINDI LANG SA SINEHAN ANG DATE

Kaya siguro wala akong kadate na nagiging syota eh dahil ang date ko noon eh usually sa isang fast food chain at sinehan lang. Pero naman kasi, sa akin, ang mga special dates gaya ng out of town trips o activity type ng date eh kapag in a relationship na kayo. Pero kung gusto mong talagang makakuha ng 1 million pogi points, tumodo effort ka na. Syempre depende rin sa interes ng kadate mo. Alangan naman na dalhin mo siya sa comic convention, eh ikaw lang naman ang mag-eenjoy dun. Alamin mo ang interes ni date, saka ka magplano. Pero kung ang panunuod ng sine ang ikakasaya ng date mo. Bakit pipilitin ang iba, diba? Anyway, ang punto ko eh, minsan dapat ialang-alang din ang kagustuhan ng kadate mo.

PEX

Been thinking of something to write about. Don't want to stress too much about it. So what I did to find inspiration is to lurk around the internet. And my lurking brought me to Pinoyexchange.

I've been a member of Pinoyexchange or pex since college. Heck, this is how I found out about blogging. Where I met my first internet turned real friend. This site is a public forum where people throw about their ideas and opinions about different things. Alternative lifestyles. Sports. College Life. Books. Hobbies. Network Wars. Sex and all different kind of things.

Anyway, so I was reading on some of the topics on the Alternative Lifestyle thread and thought, maybe I could put some of my opinions here on my blog.

PUERTO GALERA THREADS
I don't get the Puerto Galera and gays thing. I've been to Galera like four or five times. And I've never encountered PLU's there. Maybe because I wasn't looking. But I've read and heard that Galera's a haven for PLUs. Sure there are alot of hot guys there and all, but never encountered anything kinky in Galera. Or maybe my gaydar's broken. Or I'm just not hot. Whatever, I really don't get gays and Puerto Galera.

INCEST THREAD
There was a topic there called I Blowjob My Cousin. It's a pretty popular thread. Fortunately, I've never had that experience. I admit I read that thread because some of the posts there are kinda hot. But it's still just wrong. It's like promoting molesting relatives. I'm not going to go preachy about it because there are times when I entertain the thought of doing something with my cousin who looks like a hotter version of Borgy Manotoc. But still, I'd keep it private (well not now, obviously). But if ever something like that happens I'm just going to keep it to myself. Anyway, I'm not even sure if some of those posts are true.

YUMMY CONSTRUCTION WORKERS, TRICYCLE DRIVERS
Really? Have yet to meet one. Anyway I thought those threads were hilarious. I mean, I respect their tastes, as we all vary when it comes to that. I just find it funny that there are people who stalk tricycle drivers and construction workers. Oh and there was even this one thread where posters were stalking a guy from an underpass in Recto. That was funny.

LOVE STORIES
I like romantic posts. There are posts about meeting their true loves. There were stories of failed relationships. Of people wanting to meet the right guy. May December love affairs. Stories of guys falling in love with straight men. All the happy and sad love stories you could ever imagine has been posted in pex. But the one thing I've noticed is that on alot of those stories, people can't seem to take out in their stories are sex. I mean you're almost falling for the poster writing their sob story, and then bam, they write about it. Like every little detail of it. Yeah, it's OA but there are posts like that. Makes me think, are all gay people testosterone driven?

I don't mean to offend anyone as I'm pretty sure there are a number of bloggers who have an account in pex. But I just find some of the posts there hilarious. Sexy and hot... but hilarious.

REST IN PEACE

Paalam sa anim na taon nating pagkakaibigan.

Aaminin ko, hindi ikaw ang first choice kong kaibiganin dahil mas sikat noon yung friend mo.

Pero kahit pinagtyagaan lang kita, naging mas masaya ako sa'yo.

Ikaw na ang dami-daming sinabing magaganda tungkol sa akin.

Ikaw na naging saksi sa ilang paghihimutok ko sa trabaho.

Ikaw na nagpapaalala na marami akong kaibigan.

Naaalala ko pa nga, basta may magbibirthday, lagi mo akong sinasabihan.

Kaya lang may pagkapasaway ka rin eh.

Ang kulit mo sa email.

Mas malala ka pa sa spammer.

Kung di pa kita pagsasabihan, di mo ako titigilan.

Ang laki na ng pinagbago mo, bago ka nawala.

Parang hindi na kita kilala.

Gayunpaman, namimiss kita.

Sana masaya ka pa sa mga bago mong kaibigan.

Rest In Peace.




Friendster Account.
March 2004 - March 2010.