ANG SET-UP

Set-ups. Hindi ito yung paraan ng pag-eehersisyo para lang lumiit ang tyan mo. Di na ata yun ang tawag dun ngayon. Crunches na (waleeeeeeeeeeeey!!!).

Ang set-up na pag-uusapan natin ngayon ay ang isang maliit na kumplikasyon sa buhay na malimit ay nagbibigay ng hinanakit sa ating puso. Hindi ito isang relasyon, kundi isang set-up. Gaya ba ng pagpayag maging kabit sa isang may asawa. Pakikipag live-in sa taong alam mong walang balak pakasalan ka kahit anim na ang anak ninyo. Ang palihim na pagtingin sa taong tinuturing mo na best friend mo. Pagbabayad ng mga bading sa mga papa nila para mahalin sila. Fuck buddy.

Walang masama sa pagpayag na maging parte ng isang set-up. Yun nga lang, palagay ko, hindi ito masyadong ideal para sa mga romantikong kagaya ko. Pag binaligtad mo ang salitang to, ang makukuha mong word eh upset... actually putes pero di naman tayo nagpapakaliteral...

Masakit siya sa ulo, para ba kasing wala ka nang pagpipilian. Wika nga sa ingles, you are just settling for what is available, and not what you deserve. Para na ring sinasabing pagiging desperado.

Kung ako ang tatanungin, ayoko ng set-up. Maaaring ito muna ang maging pundasyon ng isang matibay na relasyon, pero kasi parang hindi fair. Dahil sa mga ganitong pagkakataon, isa lamang ang may napapala. At ang isa, maaaring umaasa sa wala.

Mahirap. Masakit.

Lalo na't naniniwala ako na ang bawat isa sa atin, hindi lang ako ay may karapatan na mahalin ng buong buo ng taong mamahalin natin.

Ikaw, papayag ka ba sa set-up lang?

MY TOP FILMS: 'SUP BITCHES

I've been itching to post something in english for awhile now, but I haven't the faintest idea what to write about. So anyway, I woke up really early this morning because I have been putting off this evaluation that I need to submit tonight at work. But before I start working on it, I thought why not make a post.

Actually, the idea came up because I just finished watching Misery on Star World. I think they're showing Oscar winning films this whole month. Anyway, Kathy Bates was a crazy ass bitch in this movie, so I thought I think I need to post about movies' biggest bitches. This is a list of the movies craziest villainess...es.

I was actually contemplating on whether or not I should put Anabel Rama, Kris Aquino or Jason Ivler's mother here... but I'm not Professional Heckler so I just decided to stick with the movies. Kathy Bates made the list though. So enjoy.

CRUELLA DE VIL (101 DALMATIANS)

I thought why start with someone really intense. Everyone on this list are crazy ass bitches. But then again, there are still those who belong in that category that could still be watched by kids under age. Anyway, anyone who enjoys killing animals to make fur clothes is automatically crazy. She did that in 101 and 102 Dalmatians. I love both the cartoon version and Glenn Close. They were nasty. Plus I love me some crazy Glenn Close as you'll see further down this list.

DEBB IE SALT (Scream 2)

Well, you only find out how crazy this woman is towards the end of the movie, but still Debbie Salt (played by Laurie Metcalf) was really a crazed lunatic in the film. I mean why wouldn't she, her son was a crazy killer in the first film, he must've gotten that crazy genes from somewhere. So how demented was Debbie Salt? Well, she hung out on serial killer websites, planned the murder of Sidney Prescott's friends and... well I don't remember anymore. I just know she's crazy.

HEDY CARLSON (SINGLE WHITE FEMALE)

There's a filipino term about people who are "nasa loob ang kulo." Hedy Carlson is that type of person. She's shy. She's level headed. Kinda quiet. Kinda like the female version of me. But there is something seriously wrong with Hedy Carlson. Hedy is one half of a twin. Who died. And she's looking to have another twin sister... forever. I know... delirious, right?! Crazy white females. Yish. Oh yeah, and there's nothing wrong with me. I'm not that crazy... hehehe

MRS. MOTT (THE HAND THAT ROCKS THE CRADLE)

Rebecca DeMornay is crazy hot. She's like a cougar. And no crazy father will not hire this woman as your child's nanny. Unfortunately, she holds a secret that might as well have that family end up dead. She's the wife of the doctor who killed himself after being found guilty of molesting his patients. And she will have her revenge. If you think Hedy Carlson was bad... Mrs. Mott was worse. She's not even crazy. What was that about a woman scorned?

ESTHER (THE ORPHAN)

The loss of a child is hard for a family, most specially if the marriage itself is at stake. So when a couple like Kate and John decided to adopt an orphan, things seem to look up for their family. That is until strange things start to happen and people get maimed and killed. I won't surprise the twist with Esther. But she is one scary mother effer. I remember hugging my clutchbag tightly while watching the movie. That was one crazy bitch.

ANNIE WILKES (MISERY)

The problem about being a good writer is that sometimes you have all kinds of fans. People who are nice, to crazy to homicidal and downright demented. That's what Paul Sheldon had. A crazy fan who likes to kill babies and torture people. Annie Wilkes portrayed brilliantly by Kathy Bates woke me up this morning because I can't get my eyes glued out of the television. She's not the traditional villain you can have a way with nice words. She's smart. And she's really hard to kill. A really scary woman.

ALEX FROST (FATAL ATTRACTION)

So what did we have so far? A crazy old lady. A demented roomie. A vengeful nanny. A homicidal orphan and a miserable nurse. What would top off the craziest bitches list in Hollywood? Of course, what else but a woman in love. Glenn Close was absolutely amazing as this crazy mistress from Fatal Attraction. She is probably the worst nightmare a married man would ever have. A woman who does not want to end a one night stand. So desperate to be loved that she'll kill your family to have you. I'm sure this scared the bejeezus out of married men to stay loyal to their wives.

BLOG HOPPER

Nitong mga nakalipas na linggo, eh medyo hindi na ako masyadong nakakapag blog hop. Hindi sa tinatamad ako, although medyo nagiging busy na rin naman ako sa trabaho. Pero ang mabigat na dahilan para sa akin kung bakit hindi na ako masyadong nangaangapit-bahay sa iba-ibang blog, eh napansin kong sobrang dami na talaga ng mga blog ngayon.

At sa sobrang dami na, at sa tagal ko na ring nandito sa mundo ng blogosperyo, eh napapansin ko na halos lahat ay pare pareho na lang ng isinusulat.

Natutuwa ako, na itong mundong ito na pinagkakaabalahan ko ay lumalaki. Na maraming tao na ang nawiwiling magsulat at magbasa. Na maraming naglalabas ng kanilang mga saloobin sa pamamagitan nito. Pero feeling ko dumating na yung punto na wala ng bago.

Bato-bato sa langit ang tamaan wag magagalit. Opinyon ko lang naman ito. Wala akong masamang hangarin dun sa mga papansinin ko. Blog yun ng may-ari at may kalayaan sila na magsulat ng kahit anong gusto nila. Hindi ko rin naman babasagin ang trip niyo.

At hindi rin po ako naghahanap ng gulo. Iisa-isahin ko lang ang mga dahilan kung bakit hindi ako masyadong napapadalas mangapit-bahay sa blogosperyo:

MGA PATAWA
Aaminin ko, ang mga sikat na blog ngayon eh yung mga blog na nakakatawa. Mapa-satire man gaya ng kay Professional Heckler, o mga personal blog na gaya ng kay Xienahgirl. Ang hook ng karamihan sa blog eh ang kanilang komedya. Ngalang, dumadami ito masyado. Na yung iba, nagpapatawa lang para magpapansin. Kahit walang katuturan yung sinusulat nila. Hindi ako nagmamalinis, dahil may mga pagkakataon na ganun din ako. Ang iba lang sa akin, eh may tema mga sinusulat ko. At di ako barubal. Gaya ng sinabi ko, blog nila yan at walang pumipigil sa kanilang magsulat ng gusto nila. Malabo nga lang akong maging suki ng mga ganung panulat.

MGA NAGSASARA
Maraming mahuhusay na manunulat. Hindi man sila sikat. Pero madalas ay makakarelate ka sa kanilang mga inilalathala. Maging ito man ay tungkol sa kanilang buhay pag-ibig. Pamilya. Trabaho. Kaibigan. Kahit ano pa man. Magsusulat sila, at makikita mo ang sarili mo sa mga sinasabi nila. Yun nga lang, ang iba sa kanila ay may buhay sa labas ng blog nila. Kaya hindi nila ito madalas sulatan, at kung mamalasin pa, magpapaalam sila. Nakakalungkot lang.

WALANG PINAGKAIBA
Dahil sa sobrang dami ng mga blogero't blogera dito, hindi rin maiiwasan na karamihan ay magkakapareho. Ang daming nagpapaka-emo. Marami ding walang ibang alam gawin kung hindi magreklamo. Basahin mo ang blog ng isa, paglipat mo sa iba, ganung ganun din ang kwento nila. Iba lang ang nagsulat. Yung iba naman, unti-unti nang iniiwan ang pagsusulat para ang kanilang blog ay gawing photoblog. Again, wala akong nakikitang masama dun. Nanghihinayang lang ako dun sa mga magagaling na magsulat.

HINDI NA MAKARELATE
Di ko alam kung sadyang tumatanda na ako, o bumabata ang mga nagsusulat dito, pero karamihan sa mga nababasa ko, medyo hindi na ako nakakarelate. Minsan kasi, yung iba tungkol sa gimik nila. Sa usapan ng barkada. Meron pang iba na sobrang nosebleed magsulat. Tagalog na nga, di mo pa maintindihan. Mga 5 years ago nang madiskubre ko itong mundong ito, ang mga nababasa ko tungkol sa kwento ng buhay ng mga manunulat. Panliligaw. Away sa opisina. Mga kwentong pangkaraniwan. Ngayon, merong tungkol sa sex life nila. Mga kalokohan nila. Mga pinag-aaralan sa eskwela. Mga bagay na kadalasan, ang hirap paniwalaan.

Hindi na ako masyadong aktibo sa blogosperyo. Sabihin nating nalipasan ng panahon. Mahirap din pala pag lumalaki na ang mundong ito.

Pero natutuwa ako na yung mga paborito kong binabasa eh buhay pa rin. At yung iba, kahit di ko pa nakikita eh mas lalo kong nakikilala.

*********************
PS

Isang malaking favor naman. Sana po ay samahan ninyo akong magdasal para sa mabilis na paggaling ng lola ng isa sa mga matalik kong kaibigan dito sa blogosperyo na si Domjullian. Nasa ospital siya noong Lunes pa. Alam kong marami sa inyo dito ang malakas kay Bro.

Salamat.

KWENTONG KASAL

Kahapon ay kinasal ang unang pares sa barkada namin. Sa totoo lang, nagulat ako na siya ang nauna, dahil nung magkakasama pa kami sa apartment, for a time, siya lang ang single. Pero, ika nga ang tadhana ay iba maglaro. Inunahan niya kaming lahat. At ngayon malapit na rin siyang maging tatay. Kahit papaano, feeling ko may pag-asa talaga ako... hehehe

Kaya bilang tribute sa bagong kasal, magkukwento ako ng mga kwentong kasal. Matagal tagal na rin akong hindi nagsusulat ng mga kwentong Gillboard. Namiss ko lang.

KASAL 1

Marami-rami na akong nagampanan sa kasal... ring bearer, coin bearer, bisita, abay, at taga sindi ng kandila. Pero ang pinakahindi ko makakalimutan ay yung isang kasal kung saan ako'y naging isang Best Man. Lalong lalo na dahil hindi ko kilala yung groom.

Nasa kolehiyo pa lang ako nun. At isang gabi, pag-uwi ko galing pasok, lahat ng kamag-anak ng groom ay hinihintay ako. Ambush. Sabi nila biglaan yung kasal dahil nabuntis ni groom si bride. Biglaan lahat, kaya minadali rin yung paghahanda sa kasal. Sa pamilya ni groom inihanda na nila lahat... except nakalimutan nilang may best man pa pala... at dahil nasa probinsya lahat ng kaibigan ni groom, ako na lang yung choice nila. Dahil best friend ng pamilya nila yung nanay at tatay ko...

Ako naman, dahil naambush na... wala nang choice kundi umoo. Ginampanan ko naman ng maayos ang role ko bilang best man... pero malay ko ba na pagdating ng reception, kelangan kong gumawa ng toast. Ano ba naman ang alam ko dun? Hindi ko naman kilala si groom!!!

Pawis na pawis, at walang maisip... ang tanging nasabi ko lang. "Cheers sa bagong kasal na sina Mr. and Mrs. Fernandez!!!"

Fernando ang apelyido nila.

KASAL 2

Gaya ng sinabi ko... nakapag-abay na rin ako. Pero yung kasal na yon, medyo weird.

Nakarinig na siguro kayo ng kasal na di natuloy dahil di sumipot si bride o si groom... pero yung kasal na yun... ang hindi sumipot... yung PARI!!!

Pero hindi yun yung weird part... kapitbahay namin yung kinasal... sa una... di ko naiintindihan nung una kasi hayskul pa lang ako noon...

Noong una, parang normal lang... nagmartsa kami... lahat ng ginagawa sa kasal sa umpisa, ginawa namin... pero pagdating sa altar... walang nangyayari, kasi nga walang pari. Halos isang oras din kami naghintay... hindi naman umiiyak si bride or walang dramang nagaganap.. pero walang nangyayari.. bigla na lang, sinabi samin ng kapitbahay na tumuloy na lang daw kami sa reception.

Nagtataka, sige umoo na lang kami. At tumuloy sa reception. Ang mas nakakapagtaka... sa reception, lahat ng tao kumocongratulate sa mag-asawa na parang kinasal nga. Ako ngumiti lang. Sa reception, tuloy pa rin yung program. May cutting of cake... kalapati... basta lahat-lahat ng ginagawa sa reception, ginawa nila... toast.. at lahat ng tao eh masaya... in fairness, dahil mayaman yung pamilya ng kapitbahay ko... sobrang sarap at sosyal ng pagkain...

Nakapagtataka lang talaga yun. Walang pari, pero parang ayus lang sa kanila. Parang walang nangyari.

Or may kasal na nangyari na hindi namin namamalayan. Hmmmm...

KASAL 3

Eto ata ang pinakapaborito kong kasal. Kasal ng pinsan ko mga 3 years ago.

Sobrang bonggang bongga dahil parehong US navy soldiers yung kinasal. Parehong mayaman. At dahil parehong stateside sila, yung buong angkan nila umuwi ng Pilipinas.

At dito sa bahay namin silang lahat nakatira. Dito ata nagsimula akong tumaba. Paano ba naman araw-araw parang fiesta sa bahay namin. ANG DAMING PAGKAIN!!! At dahil nga maraming balikbayan, ang dami kong nahalbat na bagong tshirt, chocolate, at kung anu-anong pasalubong.

Nakilala ko rin ang ilan sa aming mga kamag-anak na hindi ko alam nageexist. Dun ko narealize ang dami ko palang pinsan na hot!!! Ngalang, masama ang incest. Hay.

At eto pa. Dito lang ako nakaranas ng Wedding Rehearsal. Yung parang sa mga American movies. Ang sosyal diba!!! Panalo. Dun sa dinner, akala ko nga may kakanta ng Say A Little Prayer. At sa Manila Hotel pa nakatulog yung iba. Hay.

Yung kasal, normal lang. Walang masyadong drama na naganap. Actually, walang kwento sa kasal mismo. Dun sa pre-wedding lang. Ang saya kasi. Hehehe

DAY THREE

One of the hardest thing to write about when you're a blogger, is admitting you lied. What I wrote about the last post was a lie. When I wrote about the muse being gone, that was the truth.

But I actually have no intention of writing for this blog anymore.

I'm closing down Engel's Tell All.

I wish I could write a reason that would make sense as to why I came up with this decision, but I can't. I just woke up today, not having any drive to update this anymore.

Maybe it's already served it's purpose. Maybe I've already said all I wanted to say. Maybe I'm just going with the trend of closing down blogs. Whatever it is, I have lost any more reasons to post anything else in this blog I called home for the last seven months.

But I wanted to post one more time so I can leave properly.

One of my reasons for starting the tell all was to meet people like me. People who understand what I'm going through. And I did. I met alot of awesome people. Wise men. Cool guys. Boys that are hot. I even dated a blogger, so in terms of achieving the goal I have done so and actually got more. I became friends with them.

So to all of you, I say thank you. Writing the tell all was one of the best decisions I made. And meeting all of the people who read, commented, disagreed, and passed by this blog was the best reward. 18000 hits, 100 followers, I don't think I deserved all of it. So THANK YOU. Words cannot describe how much I appreciate letting me in your lives even if its just by sharing yours through your blogs. It's nice to know you're not alone.

I'm sure you're not going to miss me. This blog may not be updated anymore, but I'll still be around. Reading. Commenting. I won't be gone.

I am a blogger.

The hardest thing to write when you are a blogger: saying goodbye.

DAY TWO

Because of changes at work, for the rest of the month I'll be coming in to work an hour early. While that's fine because of the taxi reimbursement and everything, I don't like the shorter hours of sleep.

So anyway, being the model employee that I am, I decided to come to work a few hours earlier. If you're thinking this is another one of those CR moments, you're a pervert.

Anyway, knowing me, I can't stay inside the office for two hours doing nothing so I decided to go out and hang out in the nearest Starbucks.

For a payday Monday and a rush hour at that, the cafe I went to was surprisingly empty. Save for this cute girl reading Mitch Albom's Have A Little Faith. She was alone outside with her little book and kinda looked bored.

I've read parts of the book, and found some of it a little bit too preachy that's why I'm only a quarter through it. A month and a half after I bought it. She was almost at the end.

Anyway, I thought, it's been awhile since I talked to random strangers. Even longer to flirt with a girl. So I decided to do a Day Two.

Approach a random stranger and talk to her. Maybe flirt a little.

So I sat by the table beside hers. She was actually prettier up close. I like her nose. It's pointed, although she doesn't look like she's a half-blood. But she really has this nice pointed, semi-spanishy nose. She's not mestiza. Just fair. Probably from La Salle, I don't know. She's got that La Sallite feel the way she drinks her coffee.

So anyway, I decided to make my move. I mean I look decent today. Smelled of Guess Man. So I was at least presentable.

"That's Mitch Albom's newest book, right?" I asked.

She hesitated to answer. She looked around, checked if I was talking to someone else. But it was just the two of us.

She looked at me, kinda irritated. But she answered my question with a nod.

"I have a copy of one, but haven't finished it yet. Is it any good?"

She just looked at me, closed her book, packed up and left.

So there goes my day two. Attempt flirting with a girl and get dumped.

Epic fail, right?

ANG 'DATING' DAAN

Oo na, ang corny ng title. Wala akong maisip eh.

Actually repost lang ito. Naisip kong muling ilagay sa blog ko ito dahil medyo matagal na rin since huli akong lumabas sa tunay na date. Wala rin naman kasi. Kahit pa bayaran ko, walang pumapatol... hehehehe. Kelangan ko lang ng refresher, para hindi ako mapahiya kung ako'y lalabas ulit. Kahit hindi pa ako masyado handang makipagdate. Flirt flirt lang muna.

Pero in case dumating ang tamang panahon at ako'y handa na muling sumabak sa pakikipaglandian in person, eto ang aking rules of dating.

WAG PIPILITIN KUNG HINDI TALAGA KAYA
Oo na, matagal ka nang walang sex, este date, at ito ang unang pagkakataon na ikaw ay makakalabas kasama ang isang taong pinagkakagaanan mo ng loob. Pero kung may sakit ka, at kailangan mo talagang magpahinga, eh magpahinga ka. Huwag mong pipilitin ang sarili mo, dahil hindi ito makakabuti para sa inyong dalawa. Number one, kung ikaw yung tipong humahalik sa unang date, yung kasama mo siguradong hindi ka hahalikan nun. Takot lang niyan mahawahan mo, diba? Walang masama na magreschedule (wag lang paabutin ng 3 reschedule). Mas maganda ang kalalabasan ng date niyo kung pareho kayong masigla.

SHOPPING IS NOT EQUAL TO DATE
Unless mahilig din magshopping ang kadate mo (siguro pareho kayong lalake, o babae), hindi magandang date activity ang shopping. Ilang beses ko nang naisulat sa blog na ito, na ang mga lalake hindi gustong umiikot sa loob ng malaking mall para maghanap ng mga bagay na walang kinalaman sa kanila. Kung gusto mong maulit ang date ninyo, manuod na lang kayo ng sine, o gawin mo sa ibang araw ang pamimili ng mga kikay kit, belt at dresses. Dahil kahit ngumingiti sa'yo ang kasama mo. Sa loob-loob nito, hindi na mauulit ang date ninyo. Saka niyo na utuin ang mga lalakeng sumama sa inyo magshopping, pag kayo na.

HINDI MASAMANG MINSAN IKAW NAMAN ANG MAKIKINIG
Rules of Dating ko lang ito, hindi lahat ng sinusulat ko dito ngayon eh mga napansin ko sa lakad ko noong Sabado. Ika nga, naka-generalize ang lahat ng ito. This rule applies sa mga taong self-centered at narcissistic. Huwag naman ganun. Alam ko na kung gusto mo ang isang tao, gagawin mo ang lahat nang maimpress siya sa'yo. Natural lang yun, walang masama dun. Pero wag naman to the point na palagi na lang ikaw ang nagsasalita. Ipakita mo rin sa kasama mo na interesado ka sa kanya. Tanungin mo siya ng mga hilig niya, kumusta naman ang araw niya, o kaya nama'y tungkol sa pamilya niya. Unless pipi yung kadate mo, hindi maganda na ikaw lang ang nagsasalita.

Pero, hindi rin maganda na palagi lang siya ang pinagkukuwento mo. Yung tipong sa kakatanong mo sa kanya tungkol sa buhay niya, pwede nang ikaw ang sumulat ng liham kasaysayan niya sa Maalaala Mo Kaya. Tapos siya walang alam sa buhay mo. Give and take lang yan.

PATUNAYANG CHIVALRY IS NOT YET DEAD
Ipakita niyo sa mga babae na chivalry is not yet dead. Oo, gusto ng mga makabagong babae na pantay ang turing sa kanila, pero hindi ibig sabihin nun na ayaw na nilang pinagbubuksan sila ng pintuan o kaya nama'y tinutulungang magbuhat ng bag o mga pinamili. Kung magandang first impression ang hanap ninyo, walang kwenta ang mga magagandang kwento ninyo sa sarili niyo kung lumalabas na hindi kayo considerate kapag kinakailangan. Kung sa tingin ng babae ay OA ang ginagawa ninyo, okay lang yan. Maaaring hindi siya yung tipong nakakaappreciate ng effort. Makakahanap rin kayo ng ganun. At least masasabi ninyong sa mga date ninyo eh gentleman kayo... kahit sa totoong buhay eh manyak kayo.

TANDAAN ANG MGA BABAE MADADALDAL
Kung ayaw ninyong maging tampulan ng chismis kung yung kadate ninyo eh nasa circle of people you know, pag may date kayo eh behave lang kayo. Marami akong kaibigang babae, at nagkukuwento talaga sila kapag hindi nila nagustuhan yung nangyari sa lakad nila. Kung nag-enjoy yang mga yan, quiet yan, kunwari di sasabihin, pero pag konting pilit bibigay din. Pero pag badtrip ang lakad ninyo, kahit hindi niyo tanungin idadaldal niyan!!! Kaya mag-ingat kayo, and make sure na lagi kayong best foot forward sa mga date ninyo. Pansinin niyo, pag maganda ang labas ng date niyo (kunwari officemate mo kadate mo), iba ang tingin sa inyo ng mga nasa paligid niyo. Pero pag panget, wala, kuliglig lang ang maririnig mo.

HINDI LANG SA SINEHAN ANG DATE

Kaya siguro wala akong kadate na nagiging syota eh dahil ang date ko noon eh usually sa isang fast food chain at sinehan lang. Pero naman kasi, sa akin, ang mga special dates gaya ng out of town trips o activity type ng date eh kapag in a relationship na kayo. Pero kung gusto mong talagang makakuha ng 1 million pogi points, tumodo effort ka na. Syempre depende rin sa interes ng kadate mo. Alangan naman na dalhin mo siya sa comic convention, eh ikaw lang naman ang mag-eenjoy dun. Alamin mo ang interes ni date, saka ka magplano. Pero kung ang panunuod ng sine ang ikakasaya ng date mo. Bakit pipilitin ang iba, diba? Anyway, ang punto ko eh, minsan dapat ialang-alang din ang kagustuhan ng kadate mo.

PEX

Been thinking of something to write about. Don't want to stress too much about it. So what I did to find inspiration is to lurk around the internet. And my lurking brought me to Pinoyexchange.

I've been a member of Pinoyexchange or pex since college. Heck, this is how I found out about blogging. Where I met my first internet turned real friend. This site is a public forum where people throw about their ideas and opinions about different things. Alternative lifestyles. Sports. College Life. Books. Hobbies. Network Wars. Sex and all different kind of things.

Anyway, so I was reading on some of the topics on the Alternative Lifestyle thread and thought, maybe I could put some of my opinions here on my blog.

PUERTO GALERA THREADS
I don't get the Puerto Galera and gays thing. I've been to Galera like four or five times. And I've never encountered PLU's there. Maybe because I wasn't looking. But I've read and heard that Galera's a haven for PLUs. Sure there are alot of hot guys there and all, but never encountered anything kinky in Galera. Or maybe my gaydar's broken. Or I'm just not hot. Whatever, I really don't get gays and Puerto Galera.

INCEST THREAD
There was a topic there called I Blowjob My Cousin. It's a pretty popular thread. Fortunately, I've never had that experience. I admit I read that thread because some of the posts there are kinda hot. But it's still just wrong. It's like promoting molesting relatives. I'm not going to go preachy about it because there are times when I entertain the thought of doing something with my cousin who looks like a hotter version of Borgy Manotoc. But still, I'd keep it private (well not now, obviously). But if ever something like that happens I'm just going to keep it to myself. Anyway, I'm not even sure if some of those posts are true.

YUMMY CONSTRUCTION WORKERS, TRICYCLE DRIVERS
Really? Have yet to meet one. Anyway I thought those threads were hilarious. I mean, I respect their tastes, as we all vary when it comes to that. I just find it funny that there are people who stalk tricycle drivers and construction workers. Oh and there was even this one thread where posters were stalking a guy from an underpass in Recto. That was funny.

LOVE STORIES
I like romantic posts. There are posts about meeting their true loves. There were stories of failed relationships. Of people wanting to meet the right guy. May December love affairs. Stories of guys falling in love with straight men. All the happy and sad love stories you could ever imagine has been posted in pex. But the one thing I've noticed is that on alot of those stories, people can't seem to take out in their stories are sex. I mean you're almost falling for the poster writing their sob story, and then bam, they write about it. Like every little detail of it. Yeah, it's OA but there are posts like that. Makes me think, are all gay people testosterone driven?

I don't mean to offend anyone as I'm pretty sure there are a number of bloggers who have an account in pex. But I just find some of the posts there hilarious. Sexy and hot... but hilarious.

REST IN PEACE

Paalam sa anim na taon nating pagkakaibigan.

Aaminin ko, hindi ikaw ang first choice kong kaibiganin dahil mas sikat noon yung friend mo.

Pero kahit pinagtyagaan lang kita, naging mas masaya ako sa'yo.

Ikaw na ang dami-daming sinabing magaganda tungkol sa akin.

Ikaw na naging saksi sa ilang paghihimutok ko sa trabaho.

Ikaw na nagpapaalala na marami akong kaibigan.

Naaalala ko pa nga, basta may magbibirthday, lagi mo akong sinasabihan.

Kaya lang may pagkapasaway ka rin eh.

Ang kulit mo sa email.

Mas malala ka pa sa spammer.

Kung di pa kita pagsasabihan, di mo ako titigilan.

Ang laki na ng pinagbago mo, bago ka nawala.

Parang hindi na kita kilala.

Gayunpaman, namimiss kita.

Sana masaya ka pa sa mga bago mong kaibigan.

Rest In Peace.




Friendster Account.
March 2004 - March 2010.

MY TWO CENTS

Let me rant for a little.

I'm not picking a fight with anyone. I'm just airing my say on the matter.

There was just an opinion that was given on my previous post that was a little off for me. It's not offensive, and I think it was not meant to take seriously. But the thing is, I kind of disagree with what was said. Specially because it was kind of a comment to a post that I wrote. I'm not angry or anything, it was one guy's opinion, and I respect that.

G4M, for all intents and purposes was a site that was meant for guys to meet other guys. While initially it's a dating site, it's become a site for people to get hook-ups. I may be generalizing things, and it is possible to meet real friends from that site, but with my very limited experience of joining that site a few years ago, all the people who messaged me were just looking for either a one night stand, fuck buddy or a quickie. I've never met a friend from that site. Or it could just be me. I don't know. Never stayed there long enough to find out.

Now, the comment was a little off for me, not because it was offensive. Because it was not. It was off for me because it was comparing the blogworld to a site that was notorious for it's reputation.

Bloggers (regardless of sexual preference) create their sites to air out their opinions. To express how happy they are, how depressed, how angry, how in love they are. They show their feelings with what they write. If they meet people who they have alot in common with, then that's just an icing on the cake.

Now, I'm being a hypocrite if I say that I did not create this so I could meet people. Because I've been saying this alot even when I started writing. I wanted to meet more people like me. Not because I want a hook-up. Or a quickie. Or a one night stand. I wanted to meet other PLU's because for most of my life I've been living a life inside the closet. And there came a time when I wanted to tell someone about myself, and I found no one who understood what I was going through. My entire life, I only had one gay friend. And that was not enough. Hence, this blog was born.

So forgive me if I had a bone to pick on that particular comment. I'm kind of a loner, so I get excited if I meet new people. People who are welcoming. People who are okay with becoming friends with me. There's nothing malicious behind what I do. If someone sends me a naked picture of himself, well that's great. A perk of being friendly. But believe me, I did not ask for it.

I guess I'm just disappointed that there are people who doubts the sincerity of other people. Regardless if it's in making friends or anything else. It's like there are no sincere people in the world.

That's just my two cents.

OUTSIDE THE BLOG

So I told myself that this year, I will try to expand my circle of friends. Meet more people. Socialize, I guess is the right term.

I didn't have any other means to do meet-ups with other people, as I don't have an account with the dating sites (which for me seems more of a booking site). So I decided to talk to those who post means to communicate with outside their respective blogs.

Those who display their emails or ym id's on their blogs. Or those who have taken the initiative to chat me up.

One thing I have learned is that alot of bloggers I know got disappointed when I didn't write about them on one of my posts. The ones who I wanted to meet. I knew that coming in, but I didn't realize that it affected some people more than I thought it would. So I'm sorry for that. Anyway, it doesn't necessarily mean that I don't want to meet those people. Because if I write all of them down, I might as well just name everyone on my Daily Reads List or those I follow. But still, my apologies for not being too considerate.

Anyway, after about 7 months of blogging here, I've finally chatted or texted or spoke with quite a number of people I consider blog friends already. And this post is to write about my impressions about them. No names though, since "the who" posts are popular these days.

BLOGGER 1
Latest person I got to chat with. Just today actually. Although I added him up I think a few days ago. Was actually surprised he accepted the request. Thought of him as the type who ignore no-namers like myself. Had that perception of good-looking bloggers. Was more surprised at how pleasant our conversation was. Did not expect him to be perky, as some of the posts I read from his blog were kinda sad, or emo, or melancholic. Did not expect to chat with a happy person. And a welcoming happy person at that. I have noticed that he's referenced some Gossip Girl style in his writing, but only now did I realize that alot of his posts referenced the show's style. Looking forward to meet this blogger in person, actually. Even if he's not on my list. Hope that happens.

BLOGGER 2
I also just met him today. But he was the one who stalked me. Been an avid fan of his blog, although he doesn't post too much anymore. I think he's busy with school stuff. He's cool. Another person who surprised me alot. As in alot. Specially because he sent me a naked picture of himself (which I did not open because there were alot of people at home). Anyway, I liked this blogger (regardless there was a picture sent or not) because I think he's smart. I enjoyed our conversations over the chatroom or even the phone. It was light. It was pleasant. Something I needed to get over the melancholy I felt over the weekend.

BLOGGER 3
Is the one of the nicest bloggers I know. When I first met him, he was like depressed or sad. I think he almost deleted his blog because of this. Good thing someone made him see the light. I like that he opened up to me even if we only just met. I appreciate the trust he gave me. We don't get to talk alot though, because of our schedules, but he's really nice. He was the first one to point out his disappointment at not being on my list of people I wanted to meet. But then again, I was not in his list of online crushes, so we're even. I do know his online crushes though. But I'm not going to tell. I'm a secret-keeper.

BLOGGER 4
Is a new blogger. Or an old blogger with a new blog. I'm not really sure as he wouldn't tell me what his old blog was. I'm not really that close to the blogger as like I said he's relatively new, but he did say though that I have read his straight blog. I'm not sure. But he's fun to talk to. Although I'm not really sure if we would get along, because we usually run out of things to talk about. It might be that he's working, or that I'm just boring. But yeah, there are dead air moments when we talk. But his profile picture in YM seemed inviting. Not that I'm looking for a hook-up or anything, because this is not the right venue. I'm just saying.

BLOGGER 5
I've been reading his blog for quite awhile now. I think since I started this one. I was actually scared at first to chat him up as he seems to be the type of person that I would never get along with. He SEEMED loaded, and tactless and for awhile thought he could be a bully. What with the comments he often leaves in my posts. Was surprised that he actually wasn't. And that he knows alot about me. What I look like, etc. Someone spilled the beans about me!!! It doesn't matter. The conversation was kinda fun. I still think he's LOADED. But the tactless thing, I think he's doing that for fun and not to insult people. He's kinda likeable, really. I'm not sure though, as we've only talked once.

BLOGGER 6
I'm feeling really guilty forgetting about this blogger. Ever since he has been really nice to me, even if he doesn't leave his two cents in my posts. He's even named this blog as one of his favorites of last year, and he still hasn't been in my bloglist. Yeah, I know I'm such an ass. Regardless, I like this blogger, even if I don't know him that well, I am sure we have one thing in common, the school we came from. So there's that. And I think he's the next person I'll meet, if only to pick up my birthday gift from him. Yeah, I know. I'm a jerk.

Well, these are just my first impressions. And they do tend to change after awhile. But we'll see.

LOLO

Tahimik akong nakaupo sa tabi ng aking lolo.

Nagkakahiyaan.

Matagal na kasing hindi nagkikita.

Hindi alam kung ano ang sasabihin sa isa't-isa. Nakaupo. Magkatabi.

"Kumusta ka na hijo? Kumusta ang trabaho mo? Balita ko eh napromote ka raw." pangiti niyang tanong sa akin.

"Okay lang po. Nag-eenjoy naman po ako sa trabaho." sagot ko.

"Wala ka pang girlfriend?" pabirong tanong ng matanda.

Ngiti lang ang sinagot ko. "Di po ako kasing talas ninyo," wika ko. "Sabi ni mama, matinik daw kayo sa chicks."

Tumawa ng malakas si Lolo. Tawa ng tawa. Kinabahan ako baka atakihin sa puso ang matanda. "Sabi ba ng nanay mo yun? Di totoo yun. Sa lola mo lang ako laging nakatingin. Wala ng iba."

Tumawa din ako. Alam kong hindi totoo yung sinabi ni lolo. Mukha siyang matinik sa mga babae noong kabataan niya. Nilagay ni lolo ang kanyang daliri sa kanyang labi. Parang nagsasabing wag mong ikukwento sa ibang tao. Tumungo lang ako. Sikreto naming maglolo.

"Buti po at dumalaw kayo lolo. Namiss po kayo nina mama."

"Namiss ko din naman kayo. Ang tagal kong hindi kayo nakikita. Noong huli kitang nakita, sanggol ka pa lang noon. Naaalala ko ilang buwan ka pa lang ata nun, binabalance kita sa isang kamay. Pinapagalitan ako ng nanay mo nun. Natatakot na mahulog kita."

"Hanggang ngayon po, si mama matatakutin pa rin. Magtrenta na ako, ayaw pa rin akong pabayaan."

"Hahaha. Parang lola mo."

Tahimik muli. Tumayo ang lolo. Lumakad papalayo sa akin. "Tara apo, samahan mo ako sa baba. Malungkot kasi doon. Wala dun ang lola mo eh."

Nag-isip ako kung susunod ba ako. Sasamahan ko ba si lolo? Gusto ko siyang makilala pa. Gaya nga ng sabi niya, bata pa ako noong huli kaming nagkita.

Tumayo na ako nang marinig ko ang nanay ko na tumatawag sa akin.

"Wag kang sasama sa lolo mo!!!" paulit-ulit na sigaw ni mama. Nagsisimula na siyang lumuha. Umiyak. Pero hindi ko makita.

Hanggang sa maramdaman kong yakap yakap niya ako.

Binuka ko ang aking mga mata. Nasa harap ko ang lumuluha kong ina. "Ma?"

Niyakap niya ako ng mas mahigpit. Iyak siya ng iyak. "Wag kang sasama sa lolo mo ha. Wag mo kaming iiwan anak. Dito ka lang. Hindi mo pa oras. Marami ka pang gagawin dito. Wag kang sasama sa lolo mo."

Niyakap ko si mama ng mahigpit.

"Gusto ni lolo akong sumama sa baba." binanggit ko. Lalo niyang hinigpitan ang yakap sa akin.

"Masamang tao ang lolo mo. Wag na wag kang sasama sa kanya ha."

"Opo."

IDEAL

The past couple of days have been a bit unpleasant for me. I just learned that a former colleague of mine died from pneumonia. He's younger than I am, so his loss came as a bit of a surprise.

The second reason for the unpleasantness, although I'm not really sure if it should be unpleasant. But it's confusing, and not knowing what to do about it is what really sucks. Someone who cut me off from his life is coming back. Now I'm not too sure if it's just a temporary thing or for good or if he was just bored. But it's driving me insane. I mean I miss him. For a time, he was like the best part of my day, but then he just left.

So anyway, I don't want to rant. I don't want to become the type of blogger that I don't want to read.

Just for distraction, I thought maybe I should write down again my ideal person. The traits I'm looking for in a partner.

SOMEONE WHO MAKES ME TALK
Let me start with this. I'm not really a quiet person. At first I am, and that's because I'm inherently shy, introverted. I just remembered, 80% of the people I fell for I did because I enjoyed talking to them. They're not necessarily smart, but our wave of thoughts are similar. I like it when the person I'm with is more talkative than me. I enjoy listening alot, that's how I learn. That's how my opinion on things are formed. But I appreciate more, if that person makes me talk. If he listens. Because then I'm sure, he's really interested to get to know me more.

NOT NECESSARILY A GEEK
I really don't mind if the person I'm with does not know who Matt Murdock, or Jessica Drew is. I don't mind if he sucks at video games like Tekken or Street Fighter (because I suck at them too). I don't even care if he doesn't watch Chuck or How I Met Your Mother. But I do appreciate it if he'd take some time to learn about the things that I like. My xbox has two controllers, and they're rarely both used. I'm patient enough to teach the one what the left and right trigger buttons are for when we play Left 4 Dead. Or it's fine with me to explain to him what happened if he gets lost reading Captain America. That would be nice.

SOMEONE WHO TOLERATES ME
I could be weird. I could be a goddamned prick. And I'm pretty sure I'm an ass sometimes. I was born on the month of February, so I'm pretty much kulang-kulang. But if someone could tolerate my quirks, then he's a keeper. Obviously that doesn't mean that I wouldn't change. There's such a thing called compromise, right? I guess what I'm saying is it would be nice to meet a person who likes me for me. Not the smart me or the nice me, or the writer me, but the crazy, moody, PMS-y, semi-autistic me.

LOOKS PRESENTABLE
I admit it, like all the time and I'm not going to pretend to be one. I'm not good-looking nor am I buff. So I don't expect to end up with someone like say Daniel Matsunagi or Marc Nelson or whichever model's hot these days. The only way I'd end up with a person like that is if I pay them alot. And I'm not going to do that. I'm twenty eight. I'm not desperate. I have been lucky that in the past I've hooked up with people others would consider hot. But then I screwed that up. So the looks department isn't as important for me now unlike my younger years. But at least that person should look presentable.

I'm pretty easy to impress. Just do something nice and I'd give you my heart. I remember being won over by a friend because he brought me lunch in the office one time. Well he was hot, and I had a huge crush on him even before that, but I think you know what I mean.

ROUTINE

Marami akong naririnig na dahilan ng mga tao kung bakit sila hindi masaya sa trabaho nila, sa eskwela, sa buhay nila. Ang sabi nila, nakakasawa na kasi ang routine. Paulit-ulit na lang ang mga ginagawa nila. Ika nga, same shit, different day.

Minsan tinatamaan din ako niyan. Lalo na noon. Nung panahon na feeling ko eh pinagdaraanan ko ang quarter life crisis. Naghahanap ako ng bago. Nagsasawa na sa tulog at trabaho. Kung tutuusin, noon may choice naman ako kung gusto kong lumabas, pwede kong gawin. Pero hindi ko ginagawa. Wala lang. Tamad kasi ako. Sanay sa routine.

Pero nung tumanda ako ng konti naisip kong routine nga tong ginagawa ko. Pero ayos lang. Kung ililipat mo lang ng kaunti ang iyong mga mata at tenga, meron din naman palang maganda sa routine.

• Noong pangmadaling araw pa ang schedule ko, madalas kong makasabay si Monday. Nagkakatinginan. Titigan. Ngitian. Lumalandi siya, pumapatol naman ako. Kahit di kami nagkakilala.
• Ngayon, tuwing Sabado kapag uwian, palagi kong nakikita si sexy na nagjojogging kasama ang kanyang tatay dun sa may Buendia bago umikot ang bus.
• Araw-araw, tuwing umaga pag-uwi ko, ang sumasalubong sakin eh yung cute na estudyante ng STI sa village namin. Napapagastos tuloy ako sa 711 para lang masulyapan ang kanyang maamong mukha.
• Tuwing umaga rin, kasabay ko umuwi yung mestisahing crew ng McDonald's sa village namin.
• Once a week, iba-ibang araw nga lang nakakasabay ko sa bus at FX yung medyo may lahing pasahero na type na type ko talaga. Hay.
• Tuwing dumarating ako sa bahay, lahat ng aso namin pinagkakaguluhan ako. Parang artista lang. Natutuwa ako pag nakikita ko ang mga sabik nilang mukha. Kahit wala akong dalang pagkain.
• Tuwing hapon paggising ko, at pagbukas ng internet, laging mayroong at least isang blogger na magsusulat ng post na nagpapangiti sa akin sa buong araw.
• Tuwing gabi naman, pagdating ko sa opisina, bumubungad sa akin yung kaopisina kong sobrang sexy at crush na crush ko. Pag nakikita ko siya at nginingitian niya ako, nabubuo ang araw ko.

Nakakasawa nga kung minsan ang routine, pero kung titingnan mo sa ibang pananaw tolerable naman ang routine.

***********

Sensya, kailangan kong ngumiti at gulung-gulo ang utak ko ngayon...

FICTION

Jess sat across the table where he usually sits. Just where I like it. Where I can see his reaction whenever he tastes my cooking. Where I can adore the way he separates the vegetable from the meat and the rice. Where I can see the way his neck moves whenever he swallows the half-chewed food he puts in his mouth. Where I can see him.

"We don't do this alot anymore," he starts.
"Yes. We needed this. We need to talk."
Jess looks at me curiously. "Do we have a problem Kirb?"
I ate my food. It tasted different. Not my best.
"I miss your cooking," he smiled.
I took another spoonful.
"You're not talking. We have a problem. Did I do anything wrong?" he asked.
Another mouthful.
"Kirb. How long have we been friends? Three years?"
"Five actually."
"See. Five years. I think I know how you act whenever you're pissed at me. What's wrong? Tell me."
"It's her." I started.

I've always wanted to open this up with Jess. Two years ago, he started chasing after Toni. And why not. She's pretty. She's smart. God, she has everything a guy ever wanted in a girl. Heck, if I was straight, I'd court her. But I'm not. And I'm madly in love with my best friend.

"It's always her. It will always be her."
"Kirb, you know I still love you. You're my best friend. If I don't have anyone I'd choose you. But I love her too."
"I know. What we have is not normal that's why you'll never choose me. I've long accepted that. But I can't do this anymore."
"You can't do what?" he asked.
"I can't be your friend anymore."
"Why?"
"It hurts Jess. It hurts alot."

Jess stood up and sat beside me. He held my hand he squeezed it tight. I know he wants me to feel that he doesn't want to do what I want.

"We'll make this work. I'll make this work. Please Kirb. Let's give this a shot."
"No Jess, it's not simple. It will never be this simple. Please let me go."
"At least for our friendship. Don't throw away the five years Kirb."
I pulled away. "I can't Jess. Can't you see? You're breaking my heart! You're breaking my heart."

Jess leaned backward. I saw the sadness in his eyes. He lost this fight. Maybe he realized what I said. He finally saw the truth.

He leaned forward and kissed me. Our first kiss.

Our last.

"I'm sorry I broke your heart."

Jess stood up. He put his hand on my cheek. He kissed me on the forehead. For the last time. And he walked away.

I was left alone in the dining room. Tears rolling down my cheek.

He finally let me go.

This was the saddest day of my life.

But finally, I know I will be able to smile...