If there's one thing that scares me at this moment, it's to have another failed relationship.
Don't get me wrong, we're not on the rocks or anything. I'm quite happy and content with what we have. I go to sleep smiling, and that same smile's pasted on my lips every time I wake up (and that's not just because I have a new PS3).
I trust the kid. I know and I feel that what he has for me, it's genuine. And right now, I'm confident that this will be a long and happy relationship. We make plans for the future (and he hasn't even graduated yet).
But being born on February, crazy insecure me sometimes linger in thought. For no reason at all, some things bother me.
Fact: he is a kid. At nineteen, when you're in love you'd think that what you have at the moment is the one thing you've wanted all your life. What if one day he wakes up, and he decides, it's not enough? I'm not enough.
It scares me to think that that day will come. And it might. But that was the risk I took the day I decided to continue being his friend nine months ago. When after all the shit he put me through after Christmas, I still took him back. That after he almost broke my heart a few months ago, we still became a couple.
The fear could be a fact. I may just be paranoid.
But like I told my friend Kane, even if there is a possibility that it will happen, it doesn't mean that I'll just give up and give him a reason to leave me.
I've been saying, he could be the one. Two months in, and nothing's changed. Scratch that. There is one thing: I love him more.
Don't get me wrong, we're not on the rocks or anything. I'm quite happy and content with what we have. I go to sleep smiling, and that same smile's pasted on my lips every time I wake up (and that's not just because I have a new PS3).
I trust the kid. I know and I feel that what he has for me, it's genuine. And right now, I'm confident that this will be a long and happy relationship. We make plans for the future (and he hasn't even graduated yet).
But being born on February, crazy insecure me sometimes linger in thought. For no reason at all, some things bother me.
Fact: he is a kid. At nineteen, when you're in love you'd think that what you have at the moment is the one thing you've wanted all your life. What if one day he wakes up, and he decides, it's not enough? I'm not enough.
It scares me to think that that day will come. And it might. But that was the risk I took the day I decided to continue being his friend nine months ago. When after all the shit he put me through after Christmas, I still took him back. That after he almost broke my heart a few months ago, we still became a couple.
The fear could be a fact. I may just be paranoid.
But like I told my friend Kane, even if there is a possibility that it will happen, it doesn't mean that I'll just give up and give him a reason to leave me.
I've been saying, he could be the one. Two months in, and nothing's changed. Scratch that. There is one thing: I love him more.
ganun ba talaga pag nakarelasyon mo mas bata sayo?
ReplyDeletemahirap bang makipagrelasyon? mahirap bang mainlove?
The heart can only fathom what the mind thinks.
ReplyDeletei was once a 19 year old guy and i wasn't given the same chance like you gave him, so good!
ReplyDeletelove! love! love!
Sweet. Lucky Kid.
ReplyDeletei hope that you refer to him as a "kid" only in your blog. he may be nineteen but i think, and most will agree, that age does not define the state of mind of someone.
ReplyDeletetrust, as in any relationship, is very much essential. but trust alone is not enough. put more faith in him. allow him to grow. i'm sure he will love you more for that.
at the end of the day, nothing is really that much permanent in this world and we only hope that with each transition we pass through, we leave our past knowing that we've done our part the best way that we can.
and that already is worth smiling for.
WIsh I had your courage. :)
ReplyDeleteAww... CONGRATULATIONS! I'm praying for the strength that bind you both.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure alam mo na 'to pero sasabihin ko na din. Give him the 'freedom' that he needs. At that age he's bound to 'explore' and 'learn'. But draw the line.
ReplyDeletePero as always kinikilig ako. Haha. Parang nararamdaman ko yung love mo sa kanya eh. I dunno but I'm overwhelmed. Hahaha <3
Stay the course, dear engel, and do not worry yourself into a wreck anticipating storms. They will come when they come and you'll just have to weather them.
ReplyDeleteFair winds on this most interesting of journeys.
Stay the course, dear engel, and do not worry yourself into a wreck anticipating storms. They will come when they come and you'll just have to weather them.
ReplyDeleteFair winds on this most interesting of journeys.
i was once a 19 year old guy and i wasn't given the same chance like you gave him, so good! - desole boy
ReplyDeleteI like this.
Engel,
ReplyDeleteWe can never know the future, no matter how much we peer into the ball. We can only hope and I hope with you =)
Kane
there's no point in being in a relationship if you expect it to fail. live every day believing, knowing that you will be together for the rest of your lives. =)
ReplyDeletei-enjoy mo lang. sometimes, too much rationalizing leads to paranoia. then paranoia leads to something else. kaya dapat ineenjoy lang but of course, smart enjoyment.
ReplyDeletestop overthinking stuff! just like what most commented, enjoy mo lang yang relasyon, huwag masyadong negatibo. lots of relationships flourish, not all end up in doom!
ReplyDeletecheers! :P
if his sleeping disorder really was the case, then I am confident you can make him sleep forever.
ReplyDeleteTRUE love is a strong spell.
that only betrayal could break.
be cautious ;)
so far so good!
ienjoy lang kung anong meron ngayon. bakit ba kasi ang advance mo magisip? negastar?
ReplyDelete:)
yipee!!! cheers!!!
ReplyDeletebasta make him feel appreciated. and don't demand too much. dahil sa relasyon, ang estudyante, discounted din dapat ang expectations.
ReplyDeleteok fine. ako na ang may pinaghuhugutan.
blogger b c bf?
ReplyDelete@conio: nope.
ReplyDelete@arkin: di naman namin iniisip yun. guilty ka!!
@geek: belated happy birthday!!! or is it advanced? :)
@jepoy: i'm not nega! I'm just thinking out loud.
@alterjohn: that's nice.
@soltero: thinking doesn't necessarily mean i'm not doing anything naman. i'm good. we're great! :D
@ewwik: yup. we're smart enjoying each other. :)
@ex jason: i'm gonna shut up now. :)
@kane: thank you. I'm hoping for you as well. :)
@jay q: can relate ba?
@rudeboy: thanks rudie. oh and thank you for mentioning my blog on kane's spit roast, i really appreciate it! :)
@pipo: thank you. mahal ko siya. that's enough.
@canonista: thank you.
@manech: maybe because I think he's the one. when you meet that person, you'd do the same.
@johnstan: so mature. what did you do to the john stan i know?! :P
@jace: we both are lucky, i think.
@desole: that's because someone better's gonna come along. :)
@guyrony: true.
@august: try mo. sometimes you have to do, and not just ask. :)
one day at a time. =)
ReplyDelete