And then there's us single people.
Pining in the distance for our crushes. Writing about having fun being on our own. When deep inside we just want to be with someone.
I hide everything with a smile. A joke. A twisted fictional story. But dammit there are days I just want to approach someone and convince them I'm the one. Somehow, I picture violence involved. Kidding of course.
***********
Last week someone mentioned that the best way to find the person meant for you is to completely stop looking for love.
How? When everything you see. Everything you hear. The things you read. They tell us we should be with someone.
***********
I showed my blog to a friend the other day.
After reading it, he asked me my age. He wanted to confirm that this blog was written by someone who's twenty eight and not someone who just hit puberty.
He hammered on me the things that made this blog less me and more... what's the term... immature.
- I rant and rave about celebrities that I will never see again.
- Instead of living life... I'm ranting about not living it... and write it on my blog.
- My fiction's okay, but they're all open ended.
- It's a bit shallow.
- But when I write about the more me posts, I kinda not suck.
- And he told me I closed the wrong blog.
***********
A few hours ago, I was at the listening end of a How I Met Your Mother Style recollection of a new found friend's love life.
I realized I am 28.
I write like I'm 18.
I think like I'm 21.
But I look so much older.
If I want to live a life that for me is ideal, I have to change things.
***********
I actually opened a third blog where I thought I should post about things I realized about me. About my life. Why there are some things I wanted that I still haven't gotten.
But why create something else? I write for myself. I should do it here.
It's about time that Gillboard grows up.
base!!!
ReplyDeleteIts not too late for a change. At least you realized this sooner than later. I wish you'll succeed in love and interest in the future.
=)
your open-ended fiction stories is actually one of the things i like about your blog. weakness ko yun. Haha.
ReplyDeleteBtw, you're not the only one who does not write or think his age. Try to balance it out na lang. Sometimes think young. then your age. Then old. Then young again.
First of all, you never let anyone affect your method of expression. If that's the way you write, then write the way you are. Do not pretend to be someone else.
ReplyDeleteThough I agree with some of the comments left by your friend, a blog can sometimes be a journal of how we grow up and appreciate life.
It doesn't matter how many blogs you open up. What you need to do - at this age - is realize who you truly are.
I realized I am 28.
ReplyDeleteI write like I'm 18.
I think like I'm 21.
But I look so much older.
If I want to live a life that for me is ideal, I have to change things.
Parekoy.. first things first. We, but in this case, you, write the things you wanna say. You write to express yourself and if what you write here truly expresses who you are e there's no point of changing that.
Thats y we blog. you must be open minded to criticisms. and NOT let this hinder you and change who you really are. You, of course, blog not to impress anyone, i can see that, so kung anu mang sinabi nung office mate mo e its his/her way of viewing things. NOT yours.
That is why minsan its better to be anonymous when writing so that we will not be judged. only the writer in us. What you write reflects your other side so bakit ka mahihiya? there's nothing wrong when you write 18 and you're actually 28.
IBIG SABIHIN LANG NUN, YOU're STILL YOUNG ON THE INSIDE! COMPLEMENT PA NGA YUN. IF YOU'LL SEE WHAT I MEAN. ^^
comments like "ay 28 ka na pala? i thought you're still young".. ako din, sometimes di ko maintindihan if criticism ba yun o compliment. but, what the heck?! di ba? after all, we write because we want to vent out.
ReplyDeletekung ano man ung sinasalamin nung mga writings mo, most probably that is your inner self.
madalas yun ang problema kung some person who knows us personally reads our blog, they might simply comment that "parang hindi ikaw ang nagsusulat".. pero wala namang kaso yun, you write to express not to impress.
never mind kung ilan kami na nakikiliti ng mga open-ended fiction stories mo, if sa tingin mo e nakiliti ka personally and you just want to pass your smile go on and be the clown for all of us..
i don't thnk you think like 21... if i'm wrong... then maybe it's a good thing... because i dont think a developmental chart exist for adulthood...
ReplyDeleteit's all up to you... what to act and what not to... youre cooler than you think...
growing up is a natural thing... let it be... the more you think about it the more it become harder... im just saying... this is from a person who should be working year ago instead stayed at home like a kid...
p.s, does that mean i'm not growing up?
shit! i think youre right...
now i feel bad...
That someone was actually right. Stop looking for love, it will come when you least expect it. Just do your thing, meet a lot of people and enjoy. Kapag nasa relationship naman hindi naman kailangang serious love talaga, we should be having fun.
ReplyDeleteJust have fun, Gill. This is a good post. Just write whatever comes in your mind. If you wanna change, be bigger than you are right now.
Maraming galing sa atin dyan, kaya mo yan!
Halfcrazy: I don't think i need to be bigger. I just need to be me. And some of things written here, it's not really me. Not fully.
ReplyDeleteens: having a job does not make you grow up. it adds to it, but it's not mandatory. so don't feel bad. andaming nagtatrabaho, na isip bata pa rin.
indecent: there's nothing wrong naman daw with my stories. it's fine. i just need to conclude my stories properly lang. it's kinda lazy writing daw. =)
ReplyDeletegwapomoron: it's true, and that's my mantra din naman sa blog. but then, sometimes i forget.
oh and there's nothing wrong with thinking like im 21.
i think you're just doing it your way and there's nothing wrong with it, even if they would feel like you're just plainly ranting about life. what matters is that you are able to express the real you.
ReplyDeletemag-overhaul ka man o hindi, you're still the blogger to beat. hehe =)
scud: yeah, i'll still have fun naman. in a more mature way. yaan mo, i have more stories in mind pa. just thinking of ending them properly. hehehe
ReplyDeletegalen: you should know, you've read the other me. this has been really different the past few months. i think it's high time i resort to writing like that.
angel: salamat ng marami. good luck nga sakin. hehehe
jayvie: naku, thanks. like i said, don't think i deserve the praise. but thank you for the nice words. always. hehe
Ano ba, age is just a number. Kung papantayan ng utak mo ang totoong edad mo, YOU ARE NOT LIVING LIFE.
ReplyDeletePakamatay ka nalang kung ganon.
Take this in a positive way.
And be yourself.
I love you,
Maelfatalis
ayan kasi. panay keychain nasa isip
ReplyDeleteso are we seeing the two other entities here anytime soon?
ReplyDeletejohn stan: two entities? di naman... ganun pa din... basta, you'll read an example soon.
ReplyDeletedom: ewan ko sayo dom!!! wala ka... mahina ako sa'yo!!!
maelfatalis: not necessarily. we could think our age and still live life. it's a matter of perspective. you're not living life if you aren't doing anything with it. i am living my life. i'm just not chronicling it properly. =)
Well go explore yourself some more!
ReplyDelete"gil grows up"
ReplyDeletemukhang puro seryoso na mababasa namin from now on? ganun ba yun?
aajao: oooh... explore myself... hahaha...
ReplyDeletehalfcrazy: uy di naman... good luck sakin kung magawa ko yun... hehehe
there's nothing wrong with that...
ReplyDeleteako... i don't act like what i should be... sinong mag-aakalang isa akong... basta para akong 10 years old kung makipag-usap at umasta sa harap ng madla... weno naman? basta masaya ka di ba?
I was once mistaken for a forty or fifty year-old man by another blogger. And I'm 26.
ReplyDeleteIt's never the age. Maturity doesn't come with tenure. It comes with experience. So when you experience life to its fullest, you learn more. Gaining from all the nuances and situations you expose yourself to.
Our voice, as bloggers, change too. Mine has, for the past year. But it never was a conscious effort instigate by an external valuator. It was a distillation of certain epiphanies. Subconscious and intentful.
So... which is it, Gil?
ReplyDeleteDo you want to change how you write, or do you want to change how you live your life? =)
Kane
kane: i'd say the latter, doing so's gonna change the first one in the end.
ReplyDeletered: ang lalim kasi ng mga post mo. hehehe. but that's your strength. that's who you are. at some point, this blog hasn't been me.
klet: bata ka pa naman talaga.
interesting.. i've been having similar thoughts. i guess it's because blogs aren't as personal as they once were. in the past, we were alone when we write. now, your readers and fellow bloggers are in the room with you.
ReplyDeletenow about the closing the wrong blog business, i like your conclusion. you are gillboard. no need to categorize your posts in different blogs. we can only sit here are read what you serve us. your honesty is what keeps me coming back and that's something that's not as strong as the other page. keep writing for yourself. it's something not everyone can do. (ouch)
as for not looking.. let me quote one of my favortie movies.
Listen, when I was a little girl, I used to spend hours looking for ladybugs. Finally, I'd just give up and fall asleep in the grass. When I woke up, they were crawling all over me. - Under The Tuscan Sun
the ladybugs will come for us. hopefully sooner than later. :D
wow
ReplyDelete3 blogs
parang ang hirap nyan
but i do have the feeling na mamaniin mo lang yan
susymaryosep. nanganak na naman ang tupa. yes, sheep. di ako nagmura. sheep nga. multi-tasking woot-woot!
ReplyDeletenag overhaul ka rin pala ha. Pareho tayo. Nagkaroon ka rin ba ng epiphany?
ReplyDeletedont overhaul yourself just because of a comment from one person. do it cause you trully want too.
ReplyDelete