Engel has alot of ideals. In his moments alone, he dreams of the perfect life. A life he wants to have someday. A job he's always wanted. The perfect partner. Having enough money to buy the things he's always wished for. An ideal life.
During his college life, he often saw himself living the life of a yuppie that he sees on television. A life that is easy, having crazy friends, a faithful partner a job that pays for an extravagant life and being challenged by life and overcoming it. For a brief time he thought he had it.
Quarter life crisis had come and pass for Engel, so he's not really depressed whenever he thinks that he wanted so much in life. He's actually had some of the things he wanted. A position of power. A relationship. Being paid more than he required. But he left them all because he wasn't happy. The younger Engel decided to turn his back on all of it, because he thought that he deserves something more. He deserves something ideal.
But then reality struck. Months after leaving the comforts of a good job, he found himself unemployed. His savings completely depleted and his burgeoning love life, a lie.
The hardest part of being on top was crashing down.
It was a humbling experience, having to start over from scratch. Looking for a job that he only studied and never really had experience at was something difficult to have. He ended up getting work for companies he never liked. With people he didn't get along with and for salaries he thought he'd never be able to live on.
That was the real life. Ideals could sometimes be a lie. You could have the job that you've always wanted, but sometimes it's not how you imagined it to be. The perfect man does not exist if you're a man and sometimes you have to live with what you are given.
Right now Engel likes his life. While his work hours are far from ideal, he does not complain. He requested for it. He applied for it even if he already had the best schedule. He's earning just about enough for him to buy the things he wanted to buy.
And as for his love life. He doesn't have any. He has moments when he wanted to kill himself for still being single. But then he knows everything comes on it's own time. He's still not ready.
Engel's life is not perfect. It wasn't his ideal. But whose life is, really?
We have similar experiences. Although i'm still transitioning to find that center.
ReplyDeleteIt would be nice to hear more details about your experience, compare notes, and learn from them.
Thanks for this post. Hindi pala ako nag-iisa. :-)
word. i decided to stay for a year in the philippines for various reasons. truth be told, i am struggling, but like you, it was my choice. i believe that life has more to offer for all of us. that there is life beyond the office space and the daily grind. call me a dreamer but there is a sense of self preservation if we hold on to that belief. all the best of luck to us
ReplyDeleteI know a lot of friends who turned their backs on what they thought was their career so that they can pursue stuff that they've always wanted to do.
ReplyDeleteAnd that includes me.
Like I said to Rude, you define your work, and not the other way around.
As long as you're happy, and you don't step on other people to achieve that happiness, you're all set to go ;)
sometimes, the little things in life are the ones that can really, truly make us happy.
ReplyDeletewe may not always get what we want but remember, living is so much better when chasing the elusive dream.
semi-perfect or not, life is still worth living...
ReplyDeletevery profound... having a perfect life is never ideal... the imperfections and realities are what keeps us alive and push more for life... and that's what's ideal :)
ReplyDelete"He who risks nothing, risks everything."
ReplyDeleteLife's full of tough choices, as Ursula in The Little Mermaid once smirked. Sometimes our gambles pay off; sometimes they don't.
What's important, to me, is that we learn to take calculated risks. Life is one long process of risk-taking, which is why we try to gather as much information as we can to assess the soundness of the chances we take.
But at one point or another, we all have to take a leap of faith, engel. Because we are never given all the answers.
Sometimes, you just gotta have faith.
It is sometimes best to swallow what we can only chew.
ReplyDeleteNice insights.
I think lahat naman napagdaanan 'yan. ganyan talaga most of us. hindi tayo kuntento sa mga bagay na meron tayo.
ReplyDeleteminsan pag-napapaisip ako na bakit ganito buhay ko, tumitingin ako sa kapaligiran ko at narerealize ko naman na mas maswerte pa din ako than most.
ako din, i have this idea in my head of the life that i wanted and looking back, i can see that i'm nowhere near that goal. maybe not yet. sometimes, i pressure myself. when i was in college, i told myself that i have to have that life by 25 but now, i'm almost 25 in a few years but it seems that i'm in the wrong lane.
ReplyDeletei think i'm slowly entering the mid life crisis stage. or maybe i already have, haha.
when i'm in the mood for examining how my life has been so far, i always listen to this song.
http://www.imeem.com/johnimperio/music/umcyboh4/chillitees-uhaw/
:)
careful when you are looking for utopia.
ReplyDeletemost of the time, it does not exist.
-geek
good thing you accepted that reality is far from the utopia you've been dreaming of...
ReplyDeletegodspeed kuya engel
i still thinks that eventually i will realized that all of the things that are bothering me now, will go crashing down and what will matter at the end is contentment...
ReplyDeletenaisip ko din balikan ang pinag-aralan ko ng 5 taon. i scrapped the idea. i don't want to start from scratch. :D
ReplyDeleteideal is how we define it. you see, the mere fact that you like what you have now points to the fact that the you have learned to re-define what's ideal in your life. the world can easily sway us into believing that we are living lives far from ideal, only to realize, albeit too late for some, that what we are having is the life meant for us under the sun.. =)
ReplyDeletefrom a coffee table book: just because things didn't work out the way you planned them, doesn't mean they didn't work out well. i think i'm going through my own quarter life crisis right now. i completely understand the feeling of wanting an overhaul. i'm just really terrified to make a move. knowing that you somehow survived it makes me feel a little better.
ReplyDelete"Engel's life is not perfect. It wasn't his ideal. But whose life is, really?"
that thought alone should help you sleep at night.