I GUESS THIS IS IT... THIS IS REALLY IS IT

I have been staring at my monitor for quite some time now.

Looking at editing my profile, whether or not to change my status.

Single.

It’s been more than 10 months. I have been single for 28 years, pero when you go back to status quo, hindi nawawala yung bigat na nararamdaman. Masakit.

I’ve always told myself that I’ll be ready whenever Kasintahan decides to let me go. Na tatanggapin ko ng maluwat kapag dumating yung araw na ayaw na niya sa akin. Alam kong darating yung araw na yan.

Maraming dahilan kung paanong hindi kami bagay. The age gap. Yung talino niya. Mga hilig namin. Pero hindi pa rin ako naging handa. Ang bigat sa loob. Ganito pala kasakit pag iniwan ka. It came out of the blue. Yes, we do have our arguments, but I did not expect for it to build up to this. I did not expect that this will end with goodbye.

I feel like shit. I feel like crying. Tang ina, nasa office ako, ang pula ng mata ko. Gusto ko sumigaw. Wala akong ganang magtrabaho. I just want to know why.

Shit, we’re supposed to go to Bohol.

I can’t say ‘kasintahan’ anymore.

Wala nang mangungulit sa akin bago ako matulog.

I just wrote about our theme songs.

Hindi man lang kami umabot ng anniversary.

Di ko alam kung makakahanap pa ako ng isang katulad niya na magmamahal at tatanggap sa akin.

Ayokong maging emo, pero shit. SHIT!!!

I don’t know if you can still read this. If you will read this. This may not mean much to you, but do know that I love you. I always will. You have a new chapter in your life. One without me. But I pray it will still be happy.

I’m staring at my facebook page.

I can’t make that change…

:(

*******************

Dahil patapos na ang araw, I will come clean. Ito ang aking April Fool's Day post ko.

Mayroon pa rin akong Kasintahan.

Sa lahat ng nagmensahe sa akin, maraming salamat sa pag-aalala. Pasensya na sa kalokohan ko. Apat na taon ko nang nais makapagsulat ng April Fools Day na post at ngayon lang ako nagkaroon ng pagkakataon.

Salamat sa concern.