ENTRY 85: CONFUSED

There's this one person who I really have a huge thing for. We're very good friends, and I know that whatever it is I'm feeling, I know it will never be reciprocated. And there have been a lot of times that I have psyched myself to move on. To forget about it. To not have feelings anymore. But I can't.

And what's fucked up is that everytime... and I mean EVERY SINGLE TIME that I decide to give up on that person, she pulls on something that prevents me from doing so. She does something nice, she asks for the two of us to go out. She comes to me with her problems and then all those feelings all come crashing back. It sucks because I can't move on!!! I can't go forward. Everytime I meet a new prospect, a few hours later I will receive a text message from that person. I can't forget about her.

We're not meant to be. I know that. There are forces beyond our control that prevents her from falling for me. But those same forces are doing something that stops me from not having feelings for her. It's crazy.

A friend of mine asked me, would I rather do something wrong and be happy? Or do something right, and be miserable?

With this person, I feel I would rather do something wrong and be happy even if I know it's just short-term. Damn!! I think I need to have some therapy. I don't know what to do anymore.